I have a right to criticize Donald John Trump and his supporters you have no right to harass me online for months with repeated personal attacks online.

I will not agree with you about anything as you are a liar and a bully. And not even a clever troll at that. Stop harassing me *******!

Cyberstalking Attorney in Tampa, Hillsborough County, FL

That's defense. Will have to find the other side.

The Florida Courts Cyberstalking Laws Checklist- Let us Help You STOP Harassment and Bullying! - Weidner Law

This may be one for me.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
A: Frostbite!

Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours?
A: Nacho cheese!

Olof Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, takes a lightning-quick kick from a cow...right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said 'How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena , is still a Virgin - in every vay.'

The doctor told him, 'Olof, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it in there as long as you can. He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together...quite an impressive work of art.

Olof mentions none of this to Lena, marries her, and they go on their honeymoon to Duluth ..

That night in the Motel 6, Lena rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said, 'Olof...you' re the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez.'

Olof immediately drops his pants and replies,
'Look at dis Lena ...still in DA CRATE!

‘Wackadoodle’ Makes It To The Oxford English Dictionary | Anglophenia | BBC America

Pretty clear whom this whole thread is aimed at with respect to harassment. That's my library thread.

Pretty clear whom this thread is meant to upset. Started by dirtbanker. Childish harassment with some x-rated jokes you can find anywhere on the Internet.

Really low class and has nothing to do with Politics. My library thread is about my experiences with one of the most heavily publicized murders in Northern Nevada history-- the Michelle Mitchell 2-24-1976 murder near the University of Nevada, Reno campus-- and then my desire to help my fellow Earl Wooster High School students cope with the investigation, arrest, press, trial, etc. And then how the powers that be in 1991 dealt with my criticisms of legal education and respect for survivors/victims of crimes. Among the people I had worked with while a law librarian were the Law Librarian of Congress and a woman with connections to President Barack Obama. Tenuous connections but there. And my bugging many Presidents and First Ladies to do something about this problem along with many US State Governors, US State Attorney Generals, the US Attorney General, US Senators, US Representatives, State Speakers of the House, State Senate Presidents, etc. Very very political.

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend....I understand he took to drinking right after
we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

"You started your campaign by accusing Mexicans of being rapists. Now you're on tape explaining how you sexually assault women. The only way you could be more hypocritical is if you said it in Spanish." –Michael Che on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"


Very funny and actually political.

There are schizophrenics with Tourette's who have more control over what comes out of their mouths than Donald Trump.―Bill Maher
Donald Trump is "the kind of person who goes to the Super Bowl and thinks the people in the huddle are talking about him."―Eric Schneiderman
Donald Trump likes to say he's a friend to "the blacks." Unless the Blacks are a family of white people, I'm guessing he's mistaken.―Seth Meyers
This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. A President who's not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying a$$hole!―Lewis Black

Some more.

In an exclusive interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network, Donald Trump said, "I believe in God." But of course The Donald was talking about HIMSELF.―Jay Leno
Maybe he should ease into this ... by running for a lower office first, like President of the Hair Club for Men.―Jimmy Kimmel
Here's the thing about Donald Trump: he never apologizes; he's never wrong no matter what crazy thing he says. He's the white Kanye.―Bill Maher
Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on his head has had its vaccinations.―Craig Ferguson
Donald Trump may be running for president. He said he's sick and tired of the rest of the world laughing at the United States. Well, President Trump will certainly put an end to that!―David Letterman

And, indeed, Mr. Letterman, he already has! No one is laughing about Trump now, except the jackals and hyenas lining up to feast on the corpses he leaves in his wake.


Very amusing.

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first,
the shed, the boat, making beer...always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched
silently for a short time and then went into the house....was gone
only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I'll walk again, but I will always have a limp.

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots,But they only know to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest asked.

They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,

Then he thought for a moment.....

'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible...

Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.

My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship,
And your parrots are sure to stop saying... That phrase... In no time.'

'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'

The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house....

As he ushered her in, She saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying...

Impressed, She walked over and placed her parrots in with them...

After a few minutes, The female parrots cried out in unison:

Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence...

Shocked, One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says,

'Put the beads away, Frank,
Our prayers have been answered!

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's how the fight started...

What do you call it when a chicken sees a salad?

Chicken Caesar Salad.

A Scottish woman went to the local newspaper office to publish the obituary for her recently deceased husband.

The obit editor informed her that there is a charge of 50 cents per word.

She paused, reflected, and then said, "Well then, let it read, "Angus MacPherson died."

Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor told her that there is a seven word minimum for all obituaries.

She thought it over and in a few seconds said, "In that case, let it read........

"Angus MacPherson died. Golf clubs for sale.”

A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need
at home?

Joey says "A computer." The teacher replies, "That would be very useful."

Jimmy says "A new lawn mower", and gets a similar response.

Little Jose pops up and says "At my house we don't need nothing!"

The teacher asks him to think again carefully, as everybody needs something.

Little Jose replies, "No I'm sure. When Trump was elected, I remember my dad saying, 'Well, that's the last thing we needed' ".

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio,
and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
"The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 7 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.

To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'

For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.

He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'

The next day someone stole it!

Donald Trump Jokes.
 

12. “Here's the thing about Donald Trump: he never apologizes; he's never wrong no matter what crazy thing he says. He's the white Kanye.”―Bill Maher

13. “He was even forced into the ultimate act of degradation— starring in his own reality show. And soon the top-rated TV show in the nation starred a total ******* torturing people who were stupid enough to work with him.”–Seth McFarlane

14. “But folks, on a serious point, Trump said he likes ‘people who don’t get captured. What a terrible thing to say about my friend and a genuine war hero, John McCain. So tonight I call on Donald Trump to be a man of his word – and release Chris Christie right now.”—Joe Biden

15. “Say what you will about Trump, he is not stupid. He is a smart man with a deep understanding of what stupid people want.”―Andy Borowitz

16. “Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on his head has had its vaccinations.”―Craig Ferguson

17. “Trump says— he says he's gonna run for president in 2012. But if his plan for America is to fire everyone, he's about two years too late.”–Seth McFarlane

18. “Americans have been mishearing The Donald: what he actually said is that he will make America grate again, after which many of them will migrate again.”―Michael R. Burch

Release Chris Christie. :BigApplause:

Donald Trump Jokes.
 

19. “I say that knowing every time his name is said out loud, he has a shattering orgasm... Donald Trump is America’s back mole. It may have seemed harmless a year ago, but now that it’s become frighteningly bigger, it’s no longer wise to ignore it."–John Oliver

20. “Donald Trump has had several foreign wives. It turns out that there are really are jobs Americans won't do.”–Mitt Romney

21. “Tonight, we honor a self-made millionaire. He started with nothing, worked hard, and made a fortune. That man is Fred Trump, Donald's dad.”–Seth McFarlane

22. “The Trump virus’s primary effect is twofold: First, it implants in its hosts the unshakable conviction that one of the most execrable clowns in the history of these United States is a hero who deserves to be elevated to the White House; then, having inculcated the conceit, it removes the faculties that are necessary for its removal.”—Charles Cooke

23. “Donald Trump, without a doubt, you're a New York landmark. Which means it will only be a matter of time before you bulldoze yourself and put up some gaudy, tacky monstrosity, and put your name on it.”—Larry King

24. “I've heard word that Donald Trump has done so much damage to the New York Skyline, that instead of calling him the Donald, they should call him the 20th hijacker.”–Gilbert Godfried

25. “Donald Trump is here tonight. Now I know that he’s taken some flak lately. But no one is happier—no one is prouder—to put this birth certificate matter to rest than The Donald. And that’s because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter: Like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?”—Barack Obama

26. “Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.”—Anthony Jeselnik

27. “Now Donald said he wants to run for President and move on into the White House. Why not? It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.”–Snoop Dogg

Really like these.

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace...

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..

Ole is the Pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church and Pastor Sven is the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road.
One day they are seen pounding a sign into the ground, which said:

DA END ISS NEAR!
TURN YERSELF AROUNT NOW
BAFOR IT ISS TOO LATE!

As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, "Leave people alone, you Skandihoovian religious nuts!"

From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

Shakin' his head, Rev. Ole says "Dat's da terd one dis mornin'."

"Yaa," Pastor Sven agrees, then asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say, 'Bridge Out?'"

Sorry, no trademark infringement here.

28. “Nearly 70 percent of Americans said a Trump presidency would make them 'anxious.' And 30 percent said a Trump presidency would make them 'Canadian.'”–Conan O'Brien

29. “At a rally over the weekend, Donald Trump was surrounded by Secret Service agents after a man tried to rush the stage. The Secret Service said the man was dangerous and disturbed, but they had to protect him anyway. Proving once and for all, the best way to keep everyone safe and sound is to build a wall around Donald Trump.”–Jimmy Fallon

30. “At a rally in Las Vegas last night Donald Trump told supporters he'd like to punch protesters in the face. Though he looks more like the kind of guy who would stroke a white cat while somebody else punched you in the face.”—Seth Meyers

31. “Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.”―Michael R. Burch

32. “Donald Trump likes to sue people. He should sue whoever did that to his face.”—Marco Rubio

33. “Analysts say Hillary Clinton's plan to defeat Donald Trump involves painting Trump as 'dangerous and bigoted.' She plans on doing this by quoting Trump accurately.”—Conan O'Brien

34. “By the way, Donald, it's pronounced ‘huge,’ not ‘eyuge.’ Also, it's pronounced ‘I am ****ing delusional,’ not ‘I am running for President.’”—Seth McFarlane

35. “At a Donald Trump rally the other night, a supporter shouted out the Nazi salute 'Sieg Heil!' Trump immediately responded, 'There is no place for that here – save it for my inauguration.'”—Conan O'Brien

36. “A protester had to be escorted out of a Donald Trump rally last night for yelling, 'Trump's a racist.' The protester was removed because the Trump campaign has that phrase copyrighted.”—Seth Meyers

37. “A new study claims the stress of being president takes three years off your life. So suddenly everyone is thinking of voting for Trump.”—Conan O'Brien

38. “Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents — doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And Donald Trump has what it takes to be that. He's already got a plane with his name on it, solid gold buildings, a harem…”—Lewis Black

39. “After he won yesterday's Nevada caucus, Donald Trump said, 'I love the poorly educated.' Trump then said, 'And when I'm president there'll be more of them than ever.'” —Conan O'Brien

40. “Donald Trump said that he's not going to the Fox News debate, because moderator Megyn Kelly is biased against him. And Trump has a right to be scared, because usually when a younger, attractive woman disagrees with him, she ends up taking half his stuff.”—Jimmy Fallon

41. “You've ruined more models' lives than bulimia. You've disappointed more women than Sex and the City 2."—Lisa Lampanelli

42. “If Donald Trump wins, my guess is America will look a lot like it did in 'Back to the Future 2,' when Biff was in charge.”–Jimmy Kimmel

43. “Donald Trump announced today that he is running for president. And based on the amount of bronzer he uses, he's also running for president of the Spokane NAACP.”—Seth Meyers

More Donald Trump jokes.

More intersesting than Wackadoodle's library thread
 

///

47. “That’s what he’s best at. Putting a bow on a turd, marking up the price, and selling it so hard, you want it—even though you know it’s just a turd with a bow on it. America is that turd!”—Lewis Black

48. “Donald Trump said yesterday that if he's elected, he would 'probably not talk as much.' That's right, if Donald Trump is elected, even HE will be speechless.”—Seth Meyers

49. “It’s safe to say everything Trump touches turns to gold. Especially the Miss Teen U.S.A. contestants he pees on.”—Seth McFarlane

50. “Hillary Clinton said she went to Donald Trump's wedding but didn't give him a gift. Trump said, 'Just for that, you're not coming to my next three weddings.'”—Conan O'Brien

51. “Donald Trump has canceled a planned trip to Israel. When asked why, Trump said, 'They already have a wall and a fear of Muslims. My work there is done.'”—Conan O'Brien

52. “A word association poll found the words most associated with Donald Trump are idiot, jerk, stupid, and dumb. In other words, he really could be our next president. He's got everything it takes.”—Conan O'Brien

53. “A new poll released today shows Donald Trump is leading the Republican field with 24 percent. How far are we going to let this go? It's almost Thanksgiving. Trump is still leading. Next thing you know, he's winning Iowa, then he takes New Hampshire, then he somehow actually becomes the Republican nominee. And before you know it, Hillary Clinton is president!”—Seth Meyers

54. “Just got told exactly what Donald Trump is going to do Monday at the RNC. Mother of God. We are finally living in IDIOCRACY.”—Patton Oswalt

55. “A new study of the candidates' Facebook fans found that Donald Trump's fans have the worst grammar. Which isn't surprising, since Trump's whole campaign has been one, big run-on sentence. 'We need to build a wall and fix the economy and get back at China and Rosie O'Donnell and I'm very rich and here's a red hat and...'”—Jimmy Fallon

56. “I do think Donald Trump is honest in his own way. He is honestly an egomaniacal billionaire.” –Stephen Colbert

57. “Today Donald Trump signed a loyalty pledge to the Republican Party saying that he would endorse for president whoever wins the Republican nomination and would not run as a third-party candidate as he has threatened to in the past. And I'll tell you something. When Donald Trump makes a vow, he keeps it. Ask any of his wives, they will tell you.” –Jimmy Kimmel

More Donald Trump jokes.

Sean Spicer sure is an idiot.

That's A Moron - Parody of Dean Martin "That's Amore" by Al Mahan - YouTube

Quite funny.

23. “Donald Trump, without a doubt, you're a New York landmark. Which means it will only be a matter of time before you bulldoze yourself and put up some gaudy, tacky monstrosity, and put your name on it.”—Larry King

24. “I've heard word that Donald Trump has done so much damage to the New York Skyline, that instead of calling him the Donald, they should call him the 20th hijacker.”–Gilbert Godfried

25. “Donald Trump is here tonight. Now I know that he’s taken some flak lately. But no one is happier—no one is prouder—to put this birth certificate matter to rest than The Donald. And that’s because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter: Like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?”—Barack Obama

26. “Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.”—Anthony Jeselnik

27. “Now Donald said he wants to run for President and move on into the White House. Why not? It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.”–Snoop Dogg

More Donald jokes. And that's not Donald Duck.

43. “Donald Trump announced today that he is running for president. And based on the amount of bronzer he uses, he's also running for president of the Spokane NAACP.”—Seth Meyers

44. “Despite Donald Trump's tough stance on immigration, Trump Modeling Agency is being accused of hiring lower-paid foreign models. In his defense, Trump says those aren't laborers, those are 'future wives.'”—Conan O'Brien

45. “Donald Trump has claimed that his candidacy is fueling more interest in voting. More people are signing up to vote. Just like herpes fuels more interest in Valtrex, for instance.”—Jimmy Kimmel

46. “The very fact that he’s so sensitive about [his fingers] is absolutely hilarious, as is the fact that those notes were apparently written in gold Sharpie, which is so quintessentially Donald Trump: something that gives the passing appearance of wealth, but is really just a cheap tool.”—John Oliver

Missed a few before.

Q: What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town

Q: Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?
A: She wants to be the first lady

Q: Did you hear about the 11th Commandment Hilary Clinton introduced?
A: Thou shall not expose thy rod to thy staff

Donald and Hillary Go Into A Bakery on the Campaign Trail.

As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket.

She says to Donald, “See how clever I am? The owner didn’t see anything and I don’t even need to lie. I will definitely win the election.”

The Donald says to Hillary, “That’s the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result.”

Donald goes to the owner of the bakery and says, “Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick.”

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry.

Trump swallows it and asks for another one.

The owner gives him another one.

Then Donald asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, “What did you do with the pastries?”

Trump replies, “Look in Hillary’s pocket”…

More intersesting than Wackadoodle's library thread
 

This beautiful girl went to her doctor complaining about pain in all her joints. The Doctor went through a whole series of tests and couldn't find anything wrong with her. After he had explained this to her he said: "There has to be something else, have you recently changed anything in your lifestyle"? She said, "Well, the only thing I know of is that I started making love Doggie Style, could that be causing it"? The Doctor said, "Maybe, why don't you stop it and see if you improve"? She said, "I can't stop, that's the only way my dog knows how to fuuck.