Talk of The Villages Florida - Rentals, Entertainment & More
Talk of The Villages Florida - Rentals, Entertainment & More
#1
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British humor is different!
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little *******. Bites! FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. **** And the WINNER is... **** FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. Statement of the Century Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?" >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Children Are Quick ____________________________________ TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child) ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ ______________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!) ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher __________________________________ PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off
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"It doesn't cost "nuttin", to be nice". MOM I just want to do the right thing! Uncle Joe, (my hero). |
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#2
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Very good!
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#3
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They are brilliant. thank-you
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#4
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Keep them coming.
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#5
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Enjoyed...
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#6
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Veddy good AND Brilliant. Top drawer too.
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It is better to laugh than to cry. |
#7
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Ah, yes. The droll humor of my early years
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#8
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When I need a laugh I go to British Humor. If you Youtube Catherine Tate [a sketch artist like Carol Burnett] or the show "The IT Crowd" [to meet the real nerds] you will see what I find funny.
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#9
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I love British Humor -- dry and right to the point.
Most of it really gets you thinking! |
Closed Thread |
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