Letter from a Florida Retiree

Thank goodness this would never come from a TV resident - would it? May be more truth here than anyone wants to admit.

"Fifteen years a go my wife and I moved into a retirement
development on Florida's southeast coast. We are living in the
Del ray/Boca/Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake
Fake-a-hachee. There are 3,000 lakes in Florida. Only three are
real.

Our biggest retirement concern was time management.
What were we going to do all day? Let me assure you, passing
time is not a problem. Your days will be eaten up by simple
daily activities. Just getting out of your car takes 15 minutes.
Trying to find where you parked takes 20 minutes. It takes 1/2
hour on the check-out line in Wal-Mart and 1 hour to return
the item the next day.

Let me take you through a typical day. We get up at 5:00 AM,
have a quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk and
Talk Club. there are about 30 of us, and rain or shine we walk
around the streets, all talking at once. Every development has
late risers who stay in bed until 6 AM. After a nimble walk
avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home
show and change for the next activity.

My wife goes directly to the pool for her under water Pilates
class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my
"Ask me about my Grandchildren" T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf
shorts, my black socks and sandals and go to the club house
lobby for a nice nap...

Be for you know it, it's time for lunch. We go to the Costco to
partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white
hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we don't have any
doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to see if
any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for
$2.00.
We're usually back home by 2 PM to get ready for dinner.
People start lining up for the early bird about 3 PM, but we get
there by 3:45 because we're late eaters. The dinners are very
popular because of the large portions they serve. You can take
home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner, including
extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup and
Sweet-and-Low along with mints.

At 5:30 we're home ready to watch the 6:00 news. By 6:30
we're fast asleep. Then we get up and make 5 or 6 trips to the
bathroom during the night and it's time to get up and start a new
day all over again.

Doctor related activities eat up most of our retirement time.
I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the
waiting room, so I don't mind. Calling for test results also helps
the days fly by. It takes at least a half an hour just getting
through the doctor's phone menu. Then there's the hold time
until you're connected to the right party. Sometimes they
forget you're holding and the whole office goes off to lunch.

Should you find you still have time on your hands, volunteering
provides a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate.
Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet
and the need our help. I myself am a volunteer for "The Vertically
Challenged Over 80"" I coach their basketball team, "The
Arthritic Avengers". The hoop is only 4 1/2 feet from the floor.
You should see the look of confidence on their faces when they
make a slam dunk.

Food shopping is problem for short seniors or 'bottom feeders'
as we call them because they can't reach the items on the upper
shelves. There are many foods they've never tasted. After
shopping, most seniors can't remember where they parked their
cars and wander the parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.

Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an
impressive name. Italian names are very popular in Florida. They
convey world traveler, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where
would you rather live...Murray's Condos or the Lakes of Venice?
There's no difference. They're both owned by Murray who happens
to be a cheap *******.

I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees.
If I can be of any further assistance, please look me up when you
are in Florida. I live in The Leaning Condos of Pisa in Boynton
Beach."