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Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your
foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. - Grantland Rice


Golf appeals to the idiot in us as well as the child.
Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability
to count past five. -John Updike



It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. - Robert Lynd



If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball,
the game of golf would be played far better than it is. -Horace G. Hutchinson



They say golf is like life, but don't believe them.
Golf is more complicated than that. - Gardner Dickinson



If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork
as poorly as they do a golf club,
they'd starve to death. - Sam Snead



Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. -William Wordsworth


If you drink, don't drive.
Don't even putt. - Dean Martin



If you are going to throw a club,
it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway,
so you don't have to waste energy
going back to pick it up. - Tommy Bolt



Man blames fate for all other accidents,
but feels personally responsible
when he makes a hole-in-one. - Bishop Sheen


I don't say my golf game is bad,
but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. - Arnold Palmer



My handicap? Woods and irons. - Chris Codiroli



The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest
if somebody would put a flag stick on top. - Pete Dye




I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time
getting out of them! - Buddy Hackett



The only time my prayers are never answered
is playing golf. - Billy Graham



If you think it's hard to meet new people,
try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon



It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls
while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain


Don't play too much golf..
Two rounds a day are plenty. - Harry Vardon



Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy
without being good at either of them. - Jimmy DeMaret



May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. - Ben Hogan



If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit left, it's hook.
If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. - All Us Hackers



The difference in golf and government
is that in golf you can't improve your lie. - George DeukmejianAnd Finally



Golf is a game invented by the same people
who think music comes out of a bagpipe. - Lee Trevino


Fore!