[M2inOR]

This retired engineer and marketer really enjoyed these.

[DaleDivine]

[GRACEALLEMAN]

Originally Posted by larbud

I’m sure some have seen this……..Today's Funny !!! 😂😂😂
An engineer dies and is sent to hell
He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels.
One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's up?
The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer."
"What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately."
The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him."
God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"
The Devil laughs. "Where in Hell are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

You messed up the punch line!!
I think you meant to write at the punch line..."Where in Heaven are you going to get a lawyer"

[ML Smith]

These are great. Thanks for the morning chuckle.

[tophcfa]

Originally Posted by Hardlyworking

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

To the common construction worker, who the f drank half my beer?

[dougawhite]

The royal french engineer was in line behind the King and Queen waiting to get beheaded in the guillotine. The guillotine blade abruptly stopped before chopping off the King's head. Per French tradition, when beheading fails the King was released and his life was spared. Same thing happened to the Queen, the blade stopped before cutting off her head. The Queen's life was therefore spared. The engineer, carefully observing all of this happening says to the executioner, "I see the problem, the blade is hitting on this bent track." Sure enough the executioner fixed the track and placed the engineer's neck in the yoke. Slice, bump, bump, bump!!

[Bobro44]

I'd have been an engineer but I couldn't handle the math.

So as a journalist I have to be literal and ask if the original punchline was mangled and the Devil should have said to God: "OK, but where IN HEAVEN are you going to find a lawyer?"

Just saying...

[Stu from NYC]

Originally Posted by dougawhite

The royal french engineer was in line behind the King and Queen waiting to get beheaded in the guillotine. The guillotine blade abruptly stopped before chopping off the King's head. Per French tradition, when beheading fails the King was released and his life was spared. Same thing happened to the Queen, the blade stopped before cutting off her head. The Queen's life was therefore spared. The engineer, carefully observing all of this happening says to the executioner, "I see the problem, the blade is hitting on this bent track." Sure enough the executioner fixed the track and placed the engineer's neck in the yoke. Slice, bump, bump, bump!!

Very good

[JohnN]

A man married a woman who had been married 25 years and was now a widow. On their honeymoon night, she said to him,
"please be gentle, I am a virgin." The surprised groom said.. "but, but.. you were married 25 years! How could you possibly still be a virgin??" His wife replied "My husband was a Bell Labs engineer, and each night he'd sit on the edge of the bed and tell me how good our sex life was going to be in the very near future."

(caveat - I worked for AT&T for 30+ years in engineering and plant management, this tale was a jab at our Bell Labs brothers)