[grampy]

After his wife put on a few pounds, her husband bought her a dress 2 sizes too small and said, “I look forward to seeing you in it.” So, for his birthday she bought him a coffin.

[Sparky99]

A man told a woman in a bar she'd look good with a makeover, to which he replied he'd be talking to her friends instead if he did those things.

[Sparky99]

When a husband showed off his agility by leapfrog-jumping over a parking meter to prove his weight was fine, his wife quipped that he was the only fat man who could do it.

[Sparky99]

A doctor advised a patient that the best weight-loss exercise is simply shaking his head whenever offered food.

[Sparky99]

A woman pointed out that sucking in his stomach wouldn't help her husband, who replied it was the only way he could see the scale's numbers.

[Sparky99]

The culprit behind shrinking clothes turned out to be the refrigerator rather than the dryer.

[ThirdOfFive]

Heh. I remember reading awhile back that the best gift a man can buy a woman is a sweater. If it is too large she'll feel flattered, and if it is too small she'll wear it.