[JohnN]

1) The Japanese eat very little fat and drink very little red wine - and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2) The French eat lots of fatty cheese, rich food and lots of wine. They suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3) The Italians drink a lot of red wine and eat lots of carb-rich pasta. They suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4) The Germans drink lots of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats. They suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Conclusion: Eat and drink whatever you want, because speaking English is what kills you.

Credit: "From Fatigued to Fantastic" by Jacob Teitelbaum