Talk of The Villages Florida

Talk of The Villages Florida (https://www.talkofthevillages.com/forums/)

- Just For Fun (https://www.talkofthevillages.com/forums/just-fun-109/)

- - The Joke Thread (https://www.talkofthevillages.com/forums/just-fun-109/joke-thread-259747/)

I was having trouble with my computer so I called my 13-year old son to help me.

He clicked a couple of buttons and fixed it. As he was walking back to his room I asked him what the problem was.

He said: "It was in ID ten-t" issue. Not wanting to sound stupid but curious in case I had the same problem again, I asked him what an Id-Ten t was.

"Write it down," he said. So I did.

IDIOT. (He never was my favorite child.)

I was at a bar the other night and overheard 3 very hefty women talking. Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I asked, “Hello, ladies are you lassies from Scotland?”

One of them angrily screeched, “It’s Wales you bloody idiot, Wales!”

So I apologized and replied, “I am so sorry. So are you three whales from Scotland?” And that’s the last thing I remember.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BK001 (Post 1662696)

I can see that...from my kids. :D

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Tom was driving home from a business trip in Northern Arizona when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the man got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Tom tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man. The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Tom.

'What in bag?' asked the old man. Tom looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.'

The Navajo man was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said:
'Good trade.....'

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ann Marie Acacio (Post 1664422)

...
'Good trade.....'

That’s not the slightest bit funny!!!

(My wife reads this thread. :) )

Ain't it the truth?!

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

Rename the mail folder..."Instruction Manuals."

Is the sponsored link a joke, sorry!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColdNoMore (Post 1662759)

I can see that...from my kids. :D

I had a friend whose son worked IT for a large corporation. They had an answer for the question What was the problem? "PIC"--Person In Chair.

:1rotfl::mademyday:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ann Marie Acacio (Post 1664422)

Understanding engineers -

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Ain't it the truth! :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Velvet (Post 1665478)

Understanding engineers -

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Hey! I resemble that remark!! :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColdNoMore (Post 1665539)

Ain't it the truth! :D

The missing 2% must be math! :icon_wink:

NOPE...JUST NOPE! :1rotfl:...:1rotfl:

I haven't read all the jokes on this thread, forgive me if this has already been posted.
And please also forgive me if it offends anyone, but I couldn't resist.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All arrivals in heaven have to go through an examination to determine if admission will be granted.

One room has a clerk who inputs records of what each applicant did on their last day of life. The first day’s applicant explains that his last day was not good.

"I came home early and found my wife naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and the shower was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover.

I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his fingertips. I was angry and bashed his fingers with a flower pot.
He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by an awning.
Seeing him still alive, I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him.
At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died.”

The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the waiting room.
The second applicant said that his last day was his worst.
"I was on an apartment building roof working on AC equipment.
I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building.
I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment, but some idiot came rushing out and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell, but landed on an awning and survived. But, as I looked up, I saw a huge chest falling toward me.
I was hit and killed by the chest.”

The clerk couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the waiting room. He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters.
The clerk apologizes and says, "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows who arrived here just before you.”

"I don't know," replies the man.

"Picture this. I'm buck naked hiding in this cedar chest and.......