[Taltarzac725]

Originally Posted by billethkid

Have you heard the old one.......

What is a crying shame?
A bus full of lawyers going over the railing of a bridge ........................................with an empty seat!!!

Badda-bump-de-bump-tish

That is one I probably heard in the 1970s.

[ColdNoMore]

My son wanted to know what it's like to be married.

I told him to leave me alone and when he did...




...I asked him why he was ignoring me.

[ColdNoMore]

My client buys many rental properties, not always with the 
enthusiastic support of his wife.

Recently, I was showing him a home when his wife called.

I could hear her ask what he was doing.

“The real estate agent and I are having an affair,” he answered.




“Oh, thank Goodness,” she said. “I thought she was selling you another house.”

[Barefoot]

[Barefoot]

In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying.

The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.

They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.
One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.
Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas,
she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail nun drank a little,
then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."

She raised herself up in bed on one elbow,looked at them and said: "Don't sell that cow."

[tomwed]

Originally Posted by Barefoot

[COLOR=Black]In a convent in "Don't sell that cow."

That's a good one. Hope I can remember it.

[ColdNoMore]

Thought for the day.

[ColdNoMore]

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi were discussing when life begins.

The priest said, “I believe that life begins at the moment of conception, because therein lies the potential for life.”

The minister said, “I believe life begins when the fetus becomes viable.”

The rabbi looked at them and said, “I have to disagree with you both...."




...."I believe life begins when the kids go to college and the dog dies.”

[Ralphy]

A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

[ColdNoMore]

Wife (on phone): "Did you preheat the oven like asked you to?"

Husband: "Yep."

Wife: "What temperature?"

Husband: "534."

Wife: "That's the clock."

Husband:

Wife:








Husband: "535."

[ColdNoMore]

Me: "It's really muggy outside today."

Wife: "If I go outside and all of our mugs are sitting on the lawn...I'm leaving you!"









Me: "Sips coffee from cereal bowl."

[Bjeanj]

Why did the blonde woman run out of shampoo so fast?
She kept folllowing the instructions: rinse, lather, repeat


Blonde gets a new cell phone from her husband. Next day she goes to Walmart and her phone rings. It’s her husband. “How’s the new cell phone?” She replied “great, but how did you know I was at Walmart?”

[tomwed]

I know someone who was dropped off at WD to pick up some orange juice . After quite awhile he got tired of waiting and parked the car, went in the store and found her staring at a frozen can of orange juice. He asked why it's taking so long so long. She said the can says concentrate.

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today. 'The bartender says' well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.


'As the woman finishes her drink the woman to her right says 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.' The old woman says 'thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming up' says the bartender. As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says 'I would like to buy you one, too.' The old woman says ‘thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming right up' the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?' The old woman replies 'sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor... Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

[ColdNoMore]

Originally Posted by fw102807

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today. 'The bartender says' well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.


'As the woman finishes her drink the woman to her right says 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.' The old woman says 'thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming up' says the bartender. As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says 'I would like to buy you one, too.' The old woman says ‘thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming right up' the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?' The old woman replies 'sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor... Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

Moral of the story?








Depends.