[Taltarzac725]

Originally Posted by graciegirl

I'm sayin' Katz.

Katz in a box?

[BK001]

Originally Posted by graciegirl

I'm sayin' Katz.

Whoaaaaaa -- getting a little naughty now are we?

[Tom C]

A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO Costco

Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Oreo the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

[ColdNoMore]

Originally Posted by Tom C

A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO Costco

Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Oreo the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

A good one!



My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned 60...and that's the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

[Ecuadog]

Two guys grow up together in Amityville, NY, and both retire. One moves to The Villages in Florida and the other moves to PebbleCreek in Arizona. They agree to meet every five years to play golf on the Black Course at Bethpage State Park.

At age 55, they finish their round of golf.
"Where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Well, you know, they got the good-looking servers, and the tight shorts, and the legs ..."
"OK."

Five years later at age 60 they meet and play again.
"Where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters.”
"Why?"
"Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody has a little betting action on the games."
"OK."

Five years later at age 65 they meet and play again.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"The food is pretty good and there is plenty of parking."
"OK."

At age 70 they meet and play again.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half price"
"OK"

At age 75 they meet and play again.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door."
"OK."

At age 80 they meet and play again.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"We've never been there before.”

[BK001]

As he was getting into bed, she said: "You're drunk!"

He said: "How do you know?"

She said: "You live next door!"

[CFrance]

QUOTE=BK001;1582467]As he was getting into bed, she said: "You're drunk!"

He said: "How do you know?"

She said: "You live next door!"[/QUOTE]

[BK001]

DATING SERVICE:

"Your application has been rejected due to your answer to question No. 6."

"A bullet" is not an acceptable answer to the question: "What do you want in a man".

[Bjeanj]

I think we’ve found TV’s winning comedienne!!

[Barefoot]

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.

Now ... I have a $250,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems!

[Bjeanj]

Hahahahahahahaha

[Ecuadog]

Excellent.

[BK001]

A married couple goes to a nightclub. There they see a man on the dance floor breaking out all the moves -- moonwalking, backflips etc.
The wife recognizes the dancer and says:

Wife: "Do you know that man proposed to me 25 years ago and I turned him down"

Husband: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"

[Nucky]

Keep Going BK, One More. Tell a Brooklyn Joke.

[village dreamer]

a blonde was in her fourth year as a ucla freashman,sat in her us government class. the professor asked the blonde if she knew what roe vs wadw was about. the blonde pondered the question, then,finally, said,that was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.