[mak44070]

Spring is the beginning of allergy season, and I’m allergic…to blooming idiots.

I tried hypnosis to quit smoking. Now every time I light up I quack like a duck.

I’m never depressed by rain. I was depressed long before it started raining.

Time for the annual parade of goofy-looking, overblown characters filled with gas. Or as I call them, relatives.

I’d consider hormone replacement therapy, but I’ve got a bunch of other things that need to be replaced first.

I keep hitting “escape,” but I’m still here.

Some people can have all the lights on and still be in the dark.

Dear Lord, I pray for:
Wisdom, To understand a man. Love, To forgive him and; Patience,
For his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength I’ll just beat him to death.

Butt jiggle is just my little way of..Waving goodbye!

I’m out of bed and I made it to the keyboard. What more do you want?

Get hooked up to high-speed Internet. It crashes a lot faster now.

On Labor Day, if one of my relatives sees a shadow, they all quit working for six weeks.