Talk of The Villages Florida - Rentals, Entertainment & More
Talk of The Villages Florida - Rentals, Entertainment & More
#1
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MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER..
SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER:
I NOW HAVE TO: 1. scrub the top of every can I open. 2. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. 3. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. 4. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. 5. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. 6. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day 7. I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. 8. I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. 9. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. 10. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr.. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans . 11. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. 12. I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life. 13. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with an infected needle. 14. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. 15. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. 16. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. 17. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan 18. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. 19. I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. 20. I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.. 21. I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies! ** If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a wonderful day
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Brooklyn~Pocono's~((Hadley..)) "Some People Live An Entire Lifetime and Wonder If They Have Ever Made a Difference In The World, The Marines Don't Have That Problem" "Semper Fi" "Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous" Albert Einstein |
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#2
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Re: MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER..
Donna, you totally crack me up! Glad to see you back on line with your wonderful personality comming thru loud and clear!! ;D
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Chicago, Il., Upstate, N.Y. Finally a snow FROG There is no difficulty on earth that enough love will not conquer. |
#3
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Re: MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER..
:yikes: YOU MEAN??? All those things aren't true?? Sigh, I'm so naive :redface: Did I mention shy and innocent also? Handie :joke:
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Upstate NY and The Villages-If your not living on the edge, your taking up way too much room."
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#4
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Re: MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER..
I have personally received $10,000,000.00 from unexpected sources in the past month, just by forwarding Mother Teresa's prayers to my friends. And not one bird has pooped on my head. So I know it's working.
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Barefoot At Last No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. Saving one dog will not change the world, but surely for that one dog, the world will change forever. |
#5
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Re: MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER..
Personally, I haven't gotten my $10M yet but I expect it very soon. I'm helping a former government official in Africa secure his country's national treasury.
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Syracuse, NY (last 30+ yrs) TV (next 30+ yrs) Also: Wheeling, WV * Youngstown, OH* Niles, OH * Oshkosh, WI * Ft. Worth, TX * Da Bronx * Marathon, NY * Bricktown, NJ * Newark, DE * San Antonio, TX * Washington, DC * Tacoma, WA |
#6
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Re: MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER..
Damn ,!! I'm so embarrassed.........
the red fumar
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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be, Also my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. |
#7
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Re: MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER..
Quote:
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#8
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Re: MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER..
I'm still waiting for my monthly cheque from the British textiles company who needed a bookkeeper. (Little do they know that I don't have the funds in my checking account to cover the money orders I've received. Sure hope none of those MOs are counterfeit!)
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Army/embassy brat - traveled too much to mention Moved here from SF Bay Area (East Bay) "There are only two ways to live your life: One is as though nothing is a miracle; the other is as though everything is a miracle." Albert Einstein |
#9
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Re: MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER..
but you forgot to include that your home could be consumed by a sink hole!
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Larry is from Brooklyn,NY, / Oakdale NY, / Forest Hills,NY / Oceanside NY,/ Long Beach NY, /South Freeport NY,/Garden Grove CA,/ Beverly is from Brooklyn NY, W. Hempstead, NY, Baldwin,NY and starting with Long Beach NY the rest with me. Wanabee future TVer |
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