[Muncle]

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course, what may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Custom's limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father , do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little old lady

The next time you see a little old
lady with shaky hands you'll remember
this lady:

A little old lady, well into her
eighties, slowly enters the front door
of a sex shop.

Obviously very unstable on her feet,
she wobbles the few feet across the
store to the counter. Finally arriving
at the counter and grabbing it for
support, stuttering, she asks the
sales clerk: "Dddooo youuuu hhhave
dddddiilllldosss?

The clerk, politely trying not to burst
out laughing, replies: "Yes we do have
dildos. Actually we carry many different
models".

The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo
yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee,
tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt
ttwoo inchesss ththiickk...aaand rrunns
by bbaatteries?"

The clerk responds, "Yes we do."

She asks: "Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww
hhhowww tttooo tttur rrnnn ttthe
ssunoooffabbeeetch offffff?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Larry had a week off and decided to play golf
every day. Monday morning, he found himself paired
with an attractive woman, Pat, who turned out to be
a very good golfer. They started with a few casual
bets, but by the back nine it was a full-blown
competition. On the 18th green, Pat sank her long
birdie putt for the win. Larry congratulated her and
paid off his losses.

Pat asked for a ride home and, on the way,
told him, "You know, Larry, I haven't enjoyed myself
so much on the golf course in a long time. In fact,
pull over so I can express my appreciation." He
did, they kissed, and one thing led to another and
soon she gave him the best oral sex he'd ever had.

The next morning , they met again on the first
tee and played together again. They had another
magnificent day, enjoying each other's company and
playing tight, competitive golf. Again Pat beat
him, but she also showed her appreciation on the
drive home.

This went on all week, with Larry narrowly
losing every day, his male ego bruised, but not
unhappy. On Friday's drive home, Larry said, "Pat,
you've been great to be with all this week and
tonight I'd like to return the favor. I made
reservations at the best restaurant in town for us
and reserved the penthouse suite at the best hotel.
What do you say?"

Pat burst into tears. "I can't!" "What? Why
not?" asked Larry. "Because," she sobbed, "I'm in
the middle of a sex change and the doctor hasn' t
completed that part of me yet!"!

"What?!" Aghast, Larry swerved off the road,
screeched to a stop and cursed madly, overcome with
emotion.

"I'm so sorry," says Pat. "You have a right to
be angry with me."

"You :edit:!" Larry screamed, his face bright
red. "You cheating :edit:! All week long you've
been playing off the women's tees!!"