[ijusluvit]

Exactly what you shouldn't say:

'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Bangkok . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and..... OH, MY GOD !!!'

Silence followed

Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.

'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you . While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'

An irate passenger hollered........ "You should see the back of mine!!!'


Exactly what you should say:

A crowded flight was cancelled after a plane had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,

"I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".

The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly: "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone:

"May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

"We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "**** You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."

[2BNTV]