Abbott and Costello's who's on first base at a computer store. Abbott and Costello's who's on first base at a computer store. - Talk of The Villages Florida

Abbott and Costello's who's on first base at a computer store.

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  #1  
Old 06-21-2008, 01:03 PM
Taltarzac
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Default Abbott and Costello's who's on first base at a computer store.

http://www.getamused.com/jokes/0111043.html

ABBOTT and COSTELLO Buy A Computer
In today's world, Bud ABBOTT and Lou COSTELLO's famous sketch "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this....

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . .

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about
buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?

ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your
business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of
Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping?
You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer?
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A FEW DAYS LATER . . .
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START" . . .


  #2  
Old 06-22-2008, 11:40 AM
Taltarzac
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Default Re: Abbott and Costello's who's on first base at a computer store.

They performed this little Abbott and Costello bit at the Villages Computer Club on Friday, June 20, 2008. Was quite funny to hear two people do this. ;D
  #3  
Old 06-22-2008, 12:26 PM
Boomer Boomer is offline
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Default Re: Abbott and Costello's who's on first base at a computer store.

Did Abbott and Costello do the one where if one says "Niagara Falls" it really sets the other one off?

I have not seen that for years, but I use the reference sometimes. You know how there are certain things that you must never say in front of certain people or it will set them off on a tangent or worse yet, a tirade.

Something you may mention in a completely different context, but it triggers that "Niagara Falls" reaction so you learn to be more careful -- or not.

Anyway, did Abbott and Costello originate "Niagara Falls."

I guess most people have a "Niagara Falls" reaction to something.

Boomer

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  #4  
Old 06-22-2008, 12:36 PM
Taltarzac
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Default Re: Abbott and Costello's who's on first base at a computer store.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Boomer BeBack
Did Abbott and Costello do the one where if one says "Niagara Falls" it really sets the other one off?

I have not seen that for years, but I use the reference sometimes. You know how there are certain things that you must never say in front of certain people or it will set them off on a tangent or worse yet, a tirade.

Something you may mention in a completely different context, but it triggers that "Niagara Falls" reaction so you learn to be more careful -- or not.

Anyway, did Abbott and Costello originate "Niagara Falls."

I guess most people have a "Niagara Falls" reaction to something.

Boomer

I googled it and its looks like an old burlesque routine which Abbott and Costello did among others.

Here is the Abbott and Costello "Niagara Falls" routine--

"Transcription of Slowly I Turned
A classic vaudeville routine as performed by Bud Abbott and Lou Costello (also known as 'Poko Moko' and 'Niagara Falls')


Bud, Lou and derelict in cell:

Derelict: I haven't always been a derelect ... (looks at Lou) ... like you.

Lou: Don't call me those kind of bad names!

Derelict: Would you like to hear my story?

Lou: No

Derelict: Very well, then I'll tell it to you

Bud: Go ahead

Derelict: (to Bud) Thank you ... many years ago my father gave me the benefit of a very good education (sad music playing) ... then .. I met her. She was beautiful ... glorious. We were married. two years later - a baby boy. I haven't seen that boy till this very day.

Lou: Did you say a little baby boy?

Derelict: Yes!

Lou: Did he have brown eyes?

Derelict: Yes he did!

Lou: And two little teeth in the front?

Derelict: (Excitedly) Yes, yes!

Lou: And black hair?

Derelict: Yes!

Lou: Daddy!

(derelict pushes Lou away)

Bud: Oh what's the matter with you? Sit still! Keep quiet. Stop interupting the man!

Lou: Well, I thought I found my father!

Bud: Quiet! (turns to derelict) - go ahead.

Derelict: Thank you. We were very happy, my little family. One morning we were seated around the breakfast table and a knock came at the door. There stood a man. He was broken in health and spirit. I bade him enter, I welcomed him into my home. I said 'make my home your home'...and he did! One day I returned from work to find that home was no longer a home. My wife ... the baby... and the stranger had fled. Then one day ... at the banks of the Poko Moko I found them. Suddenly my brain snapped. All the years of pent up emotion of years suffering welled up within me. I knew I would never be satisfied until I had my bony fingers wrapped around his throat. So with murder in my heart ... slooooooowly I turned (acting this out as he speaks, focusing on Lou), step by step, step by step I crept upon him (creeping towards Lou) and when I saw the stare in his face ... I struck and I grabbed him (Grabs Lou and starts pushing him against the wall and shouting at him)

Bud: What's the matter? Why are you interupting the man for?

Derelict: My poor friend, I'm sorry. But everytime I hear the word Poko Moko, I just want to kill!

Lou: Take it easy pal, take it easy!

Bud: See, everytime he hears that word: 'Poko Moko'

Derelict: Poko Moko!!!! OOhh, I knew I'd never be satisfied until I had his blood running between my fingers...so slowly I turned (does action) step by step, step by step I crept upon him - and when I saw the streak on his countenance I grabbed him and I couldn't help myself (throws Lou against the wall and begins beating him up) and I was going out my mind (calms down, breathless)

Lou: (takes an exaggerated boxing stance)

Bud: Stand still! What's the matter with you? The man's telling you his life's history. It's interesting.

Derelict: My poor friend! I did it again didn't I?

Bud: It's alright, it's alright

Derelict: What's happening to me?

Lou: It's not happening to you brother, it's all happening over here!

Bud: Just ... don't use that word ....

Lou: Don't ... don't ... don't ... don't. He means "Pocahontas!"

Derelict: (reacts for a second)

Lou: (stopping him) Pocahontas!!

Bud: Yes, it's alright

Lou: Sounds like Coko Moko or something

Bud: Shhh!

Derelict: Poko Moko! BBBRRRRRR...So slowly I turned! Step by step, step by step (Lou calls out for Bud in a quiet voice) ... and when I crept upon him ... I grabbed him and (again beats Lou and repeatedly slams him into the wall, then throws him across the cell to the other wall knocking his hat off)

Bud: (angrily to derelect) Just a minute ... just a minute! Now you've been getting away with murder. Enough is enough. You understand that? I've stood by and watched all this! And I've let you get away with it ... but no more! (bends down and picks up Lou's hat) - These things cost money. Be careful how you handle them!"





  #5  
Old 06-22-2008, 12:45 PM
Boomer Boomer is offline
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Default Re: Abbott and Costello's who's on first base at a computer store.

Tal,

Thank you. That's it. I never knew about "Poko Moko."

My favorite part is always the "Sloooowwwwwwwly, I turned. Step by step by step. . ."

Trigger words can apply to a lot of situations.

Boomer
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