Some very classy insults--oldies but goodies

Closed Thread
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 07-26-2023, 09:36 AM
CFrance's Avatar
CFrance CFrance is offline
Sage
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Tamarind Grove/Monpazier, France
Posts: 14,493
Thanks: 388
Thanked 1,932 Times in 788 Posts
Default Some very classy insults--oldies but goodies

Add one of your own.
1. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;
Bring a friend, if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.

"Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second...If there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.

2. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease."
· "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

3. "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

4. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow

5. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

6."Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas

7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain

8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."
- Oscar Wilde

9. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop

10."He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright

11. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb

12. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson

13. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating

14. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand

15. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker

16. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain

17. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West

18. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde

19. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

20. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder

21. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx.

22."He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
__________________
It's harder to hate close up.
  #2  
Old 07-26-2023, 10:36 AM
retiredguy123 retiredguy123 is online now
Sage
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 14,395
Thanks: 2,365
Thanked 13,813 Times in 5,295 Posts
Default

He almost dated a psychic, but she dumped him before she met him.
  #3  
Old 07-26-2023, 10:44 AM
Ecuadog's Avatar
Ecuadog Ecuadog is offline
Soaring Eagle member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Podunk
Posts: 2,285
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1,030 Times in 460 Posts
Default

Bessie Braddock said to Churchill, "Winston, you are drunk, and what's more you are disgustingly drunk."

He replied, "My dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly."
  #4  
Old 07-26-2023, 11:09 AM
Two Bills Two Bills is offline
Sage
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 5,776
Thanks: 1,695
Thanked 7,479 Times in 2,556 Posts
Default

Churchill is in the lavatory and he’s told, the Lord Privy Seal has got a message for him. And he shouts out, ‘Tell the Lord Privy Seal that I can only deal with one sh*t at a time’…
  #5  
Old 07-26-2023, 11:14 AM
Two Bills Two Bills is offline
Sage
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 5,776
Thanks: 1,695
Thanked 7,479 Times in 2,556 Posts
Default

Of Victoria Beckham when she announce she was going to write a book:

She can't even chew gum and walk in a straight line, let alone write a book.

Liam Gallagher
  #6  
Old 07-26-2023, 12:01 PM
LuvNH LuvNH is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2022
Location: Anywhere I want to be.
Posts: 495
Thanks: 566
Thanked 750 Times in 245 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Two Bills View Post
Of Victoria Beckham when she announce she was going to write a book:

She can't even chew gum and walk in a straight line, let alone write a book.

Liam Gallagher
Ah Victoria Beckham, a legend in her own mind. Anon
  #7  
Old 07-26-2023, 12:08 PM
Boomer Boomer is offline
Soaring Parsley
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 5,257
Thanks: 155
Thanked 2,228 Times in 757 Posts
Default

Lady Astor to Churchill: If you were my husband, I would poison your tea.

Churchill: If I were your husband, I'd drink it.


Boomer
__________________
Pogo was right.
  #8  
Old 07-26-2023, 11:12 PM
margaretmattson margaretmattson is offline
Veteran member
Join Date: May 2023
Posts: 813
Thanks: 290
Thanked 860 Times in 367 Posts
Default

men on this forum: Women have a need to shop in every aisle while we can find everything we need in one.

women on this forum: If you are not going to spend the money, no sense in letting it go to waste.

Last edited by margaretmattson; 07-27-2023 at 02:39 AM. Reason: Fix spellng
  #9  
Old 07-27-2023, 05:03 AM
mikeycereal mikeycereal is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2022
Location: St. Johns
Posts: 400
Thanks: 25
Thanked 222 Times in 144 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Two Bills View Post
Of Victoria Beckham when she announce she was going to write a book:

She can't even chew gum and walk in a straight line, let alone write a book.

Liam Gallagher
Back in 2004 when I used to work security, our chief one day admitted to us that he couldn't chew gum and walk at the same time. This guy was serious. He wasn't the sarcastic or humorous type. Now we may have met people in our lifetime that we thought couldn't, but who admits it?
  #10  
Old 07-27-2023, 08:02 AM
kendi kendi is offline
Veteran member
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 895
Thanks: 373
Thanked 665 Times in 380 Posts
Default

The previous generation’s sense of humor. Could almost swear I hear my father joining in on this conversation from his grave.
  #11  
Old 07-27-2023, 09:31 AM
Ecuadog's Avatar
Ecuadog Ecuadog is offline
Soaring Eagle member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Podunk
Posts: 2,285
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1,030 Times in 460 Posts
Default

“We have the best Congress that money can buy.” — Will Rogers
  #12  
Old 07-27-2023, 10:31 AM
Bonanza's Avatar
Bonanza Bonanza is offline
Soaring Eagle member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 2,317
Thanks: 27
Thanked 289 Times in 131 Posts
Talking

"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised"

Dorothy Parker
__________________
A Promise Made is a Debt Unpaid
~~ Robert W. Service ~~
  #13  
Old 07-27-2023, 12:20 PM
Searay50 Searay50 is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2022
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 3
Thanks: 7
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default

"He's a modest man with much to be modest about”
  #14  
Old 07-27-2023, 02:12 PM
dougawhite dougawhite is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 247
Thanks: 179
Thanked 128 Times in 77 Posts
Default

You can't expect to get ahead of someone if you're always trying to get even with them.
Anon
  #15  
Old 07-27-2023, 03:11 PM
BettyInFL BettyInFL is offline
Member
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 46
Thanks: 33
Thanked 23 Times in 11 Posts
Default Ohhh, wasn't expecting to laugh so much!

Thanks guys, enjoyed the chuckles and guffaws....
Closed Thread

Tags
attend, churchill, man, twain, winston

Thread Tools

You are viewing a new design of the TOTV site. Click here to revert to the old version.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:33 AM.