[swimdawg]

When I was on the van coming from the airport to TV a week ago, there was a nice man who does lurk on the site (Hello Mark-o!).......and he was hysterical telling one joke after another. I thought, Wouldn't it be cool to have a JOKE OF THE DAY thread?

After all the heavy stuff I've gone thru lately, a JOKE OF THE DAY thread would be fun. Just an idea.

[2BNTV]

Here's an oldie but goodie. Enjoy!!!

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no,

I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.

[swimdawg]

Originally Posted by 2BNTV

Here's an oldie but goodie. Enjoy!!!

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no,

I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.

That put a smile on my face!

2B, I'm putting YOU in charge of giving the JOTD Award! That would be "Joke Of The Day Award"!

[rubicon]

Originally Posted by swimdawg

When I was on the van coming from the airport to TV a week ago, there was a nice man who does lurk on the site (Hello Mark-o!).......and he was hysterical telling one joke after another. I thought, Wouldn't it be cool to have a JOKE OF THE DAY thread?

After all the heavy stuff I've gone thru lately, a JOKE OF THE DAY thread would be fun. Just an idea.

Jokes can be like the Political Thread and offend some folks So while I like your idea a whole lot I believe some folks might be offended by off color jokes, jokes containing religion ethnic or sexual orientation or blonde jokes

Honestly, it doesn't matter to me but in today's world "Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me" seems to have disappeared from the face of the earth

[Cisco Kid]

I've just wrote a song about a tortilla.

Well its actually more of a rap.

[swimdawg]

Originally Posted by Cisco Kid

I've just wrote a song about a tortilla.

Well its actually more of a rap.

When someone gets me to LOL..........they get the Swimdawg Post of the Day! You've got it, Cisc!

[skyguy79]

I've removed the joke that was posted here in which contained a word that I don't see as offensive, but with the potential for a few to see it otherwise I decided to replace it with another joke in a new posting.

[DonH57]

Those were pretty funny. I have to say though, yes, that's the world we live in now where it doesn't take much to set off a touchy american.

[skyguy79]

Here is the replacement joke I mentioned in a prior post. I hope that beer drinkers will not find this offensive!


A Guinness brewery worker travels to the home of his co-worker with bad news.

'I'm sorry Mary, but Joe died at the brewery today'.

'Oh my god!' replied Mary, 'What happened?!'

'He drown in a vat of Guinness Stout' said the worker, sadly.

'That's terrible! Was it a quick death at least?' asked Mary.

'I'm afraid not,' the worker replied, 'He got out twice to take a pee'.

[Mark-O]

Hi Swimdawg,
What a nice surprise. I was on line doing my morning "lurk" and there I am being recognized on my favorite site. Thank you for the kind words. That was a fun ride. I'll come up with a new joke and promise to post tomorrow.
Thanks,
Mark-O

[swimdawg]

Originally Posted by Mark-O

Hi Swimdawg,
What a nice surprise. I was on line doing my morning "lurk" and there I am being recognized on my favorite site. Thank you for the kind words. That was a fun ride. I'll come up with a new joke and promise to post tomorrow.
Thanks,
Mark-O

You made our ride from the airport to TV so much fun, Mark-O! Where are this morning when I'm on my way back to Swimdawg North?

Okay.....I'm counting on you for jokes!!!

[NIPAS K-9]

Ohh that was great........

[Dr Winston O Boogie jr]

Tom Brady call Peyton Manning on the phone and got his answering machine. He left a message that said, "Peyton, I'm see that your message says, 'you have reached the world's greatest quarterback, please leave a message.' I was really surprised to hear that message, especially after only one ring.

[billethkid]

I vote the 90+% of us just keep doing and saying what we have always done all our lives.

Let the other 10% exercise their right to complain.

BUT we do not have to modify our lives worrying about offending someONE.

We don't do it intentionally but as has been stated interpretations, dislikes, you name it will warp the original intent.

Life is too short to try to make everybody happy. If I had to worry about everything I said that it might offend someONE I would have to be quiet to make sure it did not happen.

AND that ain't gonna happen. So let the jokes fly. My advice is the same as it was for those who did not like the goings on in the political forum......if you don't like it.....DON'T GO THERE!!

[DougB]

Originally Posted by billethkid

I vote the 90+% of us just keep doing and saying what we have always done all our lives.

Let the other 10% exercise their right to complain.

BUT we do not have to modify our lives worrying about offending someONE.

We don't do it intentionally but as has been stated interpretations, dislikes, you name it will warp the original intent.

Life is too short to try to make everybody happy. If I had to worry about everything I said that it might offend someONE I would have to be quiet to make sure it did not happen.

AND that ain't gonna happen. So let the jokes fly. My advice is the same as it was for those who did not like the goings on in the political forum......if you don't like it.....DON'T GO THERE!!

I find that extremely offensive!