[eweissenbach]

When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship.
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do toot a lot."

P.S. Us senior citizens don't need anymore gadgets. The tv remote and the garage door remote are about all we can handle.

[angiefox10]

No kidding!!! My husbands Garmie, hates me!!! The Bh will take me through the WORST neighborhoods when I'm driving! When Hubby is driving... She is as sweet as pie.

Now when I need directions in hubby's car, I grab my Garmin and he get's me where I need to go! He likes me!

[HelenLCSW]

Ed --so funny --you could do a standup comedy routine.

I love all the new technology--I am in my iPhone, my iPad, and my computer --sometimes all at the same time--all thru the day. I am in Facebook and I text--but I do not tweet! We must each draw our own lines in the sand!

[Carla B]

Great satire, Ed. It sounds just like the type of piece Andy Rooney would do.

[ladydoc]

Bisacksual....too funny. I am definitely stealing that line...

[GTTPF]

That was better than Andy Rooney! I can't stop laughing because it's true. Great post Thanks!

[wendyquat]

yeppers, it was so funny I had to steal the whole thing and send to my children and grands. Hope there's no charge of plagurism.

[Schaumburger]

Ed, I'm chuckling over your post. Especially the GPS part.

I've been trying to talk my 81 year old dad to get a computer for a few years now. Yesterday he wanted me to order moonshine/Tennesee White Lightning on line. Yes, you can buy moonshine on line. Trying to explain to him I can't go on my work computer and order White Lightening as my company's IT department monitors employees' internet surfing. He can't understand how my company's IT department can tell what web sites employees go on the internet during work hours.

It is hard keeping up with technology...wonder what the world of technology will be like when I'm my dad's age -- yikes!