[barb1191]

WHEN RETIRED HUSBANDS GET BORED SHOPPING


After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Smith,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1 June 15:

Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 July 2:

Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals

3 July 7:

Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4 July 19:

Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5 August 4:

Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6 August 14:

Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7 August 15:

Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8 August 23:

When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9 September 4:

Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September10:

While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3:

Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6:

In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October18:

Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21:

When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least

15. October 23:

Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!

[samhass]

Aha!!!!!!!!!1 Barb, it just so happens I was in the store on June 15th. I had one heck of a time explaining one certain purchase to my husband. I'll have to show him your post.

040 040 1rnfl 1rnfl :2cool: So funny! Thanks!

[Mikitv]

What a laugh, I had tears from laughing so hard. Sounds just like a husband when he has to go shopping.

[chelsea24]

OMG! Barb! This woman and I are married to the same man! When we go shopping, you would swear I had a 8 year old around. All I hear myself saying is "C'mon" "Put that down" "Don't touch that" "Please try to keep up with me" "Quite staring at that person"
1rnfl 1rnfl 1rnfl 1rnfl 1rnfl 1rnfl

This is sooooooo funny!

[retiredguy]

LOL My wife leaves me home. Sometimes when she doesn't feel like driving, I get to be the chauffer. Fine by me. I'd rather be watching ESPN or playing golf anyway.