[Papa_lecki]

Going through the exact same thing with my parents. My sister WAS taking the brunt of the stress.

If you (or they) have the money, get them into assisted living. We are lucky and our parents can do independent living.

The stress on you and spouse are not worth it - you are bringing on your own health issues by doing this.

[macawlaw]

I was on a team of three to make healthcare decisions for a gentleman who could no longer make his own decisions, but let us know ahead of time that he wanted to remain in his home.

We hired round-the -clock nurses through a nursing agency. This was in Ohio, so I don’t know any organizations for you to contact. The local Council on Aging might have a list? Good luck.

[Taltarzac725]

Originally Posted by macawlaw

I was on a team of three to make healthcare decisions for a gentleman who could no longer make his own decisions, but let us know ahead of time that he wanted to remain in his home.

We hired round-the -clock nurses through a nursing agency. This was in Ohio, so I don’t know any organizations for you to contact. The local Council on Aging might have a list? Good luck.

We had an excellent worker with Trusted Home Care but they seemed smaller than Right at Home. The excellent worker had some health problems of her own and her replacements often left a lot to be desired. Right at Home has a lot of alternatives if so-and-so does not work out.

There are a lot of houses near us getting some kind of home health care visitors.

We are in the Villages.

[LuvNH]

Originally Posted by Fastskiguy

We haven’t made any progress on finding hard core nursing are but we’ve got one in rehab at the moment and are trying to plan for (hopefully) coming home. Does anybody have a company or person who could help us with our bathroom situation? We think we need a taller toilet and bars along side it so they can get on and off by themselves. Father in law is 230# so we need heavy duty mobility bars (or whatever they are called). Thanks

Joe

Moen makes the bars you are looking for. Our bars were put in by someone who advertises in the Sun, or did when we needed bars. They are inserted into the wall and have something similar to a fan that opens up anchoring them safely into the wall. My husband is very slim and we still needed one at the toilet, three in the shower area and one to get across the room.

I wish you well and hope you find help. I am a 24/7 caregiver for my husband (a labor of love), but it is very difficult and extremely tiring.

I do know from experience, that even with long term care insurance the carers are not great.

[Fastskiguy]

I want to thank everybody for the info and suggestions, you guys are really great!

It looks like our situation may be sorta working itself out. Father in law has been in and out with a compression fracture in his spine, getting booted from rehab on Saturday (2 days from now). He can walk....with a lot of assistance. He can get to the toilet...but again, not without a lot of assistance. We don't feel like we can bring him home in this condition....he needs to be able to get to the bathroom by himself 6-8 times daily and that is just not possible right now.

We thought about converting the living area to a "bedroom" and getting 24/7 help but it is really tough out there to get a reliable team you can count on. We are getting uncovered shifts now at only 6-8 hours per day!

So we are pivoting to looking for a facility. We think...though can't really be sure because of dementia....that they would like to be together at this point and since mother in law definitely needs a memory care facility, that's where we're looking.

So I guess I'd like to hijack my own thread here and ask....what's the best memory care facility in the area? We're out of pocket pay but let's assume we've got some money to spend for a high end place. We'd like to find a place fast....but he can chill at rehab for a few days on a cash basis if we need to. We're visiting a few places tomorrow. Does anybody have a recommendation?

Thanks again!!

Joe

[macawlaw]

We helped narrow the search on where to visit by looking at the inspection scores with comments. They are online, but I forget where and what they are called. Also, once at a place I asked to see the family/resident comment sheets that facilities are required to keep (at least in Ohio). One place told me that they did not have to do a survey and I turned around and walked out. Another place gave me the run-around and finally said that it would be available later. I turned around and walked out. Ask what the staffing ratio is both during the day and at night. Many places don’t staff a nurse at night and have a very low nightly ratio. This can be dangerous especially for those sundowning. Check to see if residents are stuck in their chairs with strings that will set off an alarm if they get up. This indicates a lack of adequate staff. Some places get residents up in the morning, lock their rooms, and make them stay in a lounge during the day. This, too, indicates inadequate staffing.

You may want to ask if once a person is there they move to the top of the list for a different area. For example, my dad needed to go to assisted living, and I wanted him in the same place where my mom was in skilled nursing. An opening came up in memory care, so I put dad in there. The wait for assisted living was 2 1/2 years. However, because he was already in the facility, he got into assisted living in less than a month.

Good luck during your search. It’s a hard and emotional decision.

[LuvNH]

https://sonataseniorliving.com/senio...-the-villages/

Serenades at the Villages is on Parr Drive, right next to the library across from the old high school. I know the care is superb, the cost is extremely high.

I hope you find help. The conditions under which you are living are very stressful and will impact your health.

[OrangeBlossomBaby]

I've heard great things about Trinity Springs. It's right behind Hobby Lobby on that side road (103) off 466, near 301.

[Shipping up to Boston]

First off, admirable that you have taken this on and continue to. Like other posts, I can only give a suggestion based on our own experience. Granted it was in the late 80’s but like you, money at the time was not the overriding issue. My family member was taken in by my late grandmother, who herself was living in a senior age restricted community. As a family we took shifts and spent the majority of the money on private RNs. While costly, it allowed ours to pass with dignity and a constant family presence. That was just the way it was done culturally and historically. Obviously we live in different times and even with the best of finances and insurance.....it dissipates....and fast. That said, I’m a big proponent of private nursing care as the ones that assisted our family are still in touch with us and have remained close friends as a result. As one suggested earlier, please take care of yourselves as well. Wish you all the best!

[Fastskiguy]

We've opted for memory care at The Harrison in Wildwood for father in law and may be moving mother in law in too depending on how it goes. It'll take a few days to get the apartment outfitted but he'll be there in a few days and the next chapter begins. Thanks for all of the help!

Joe

[Shipping up to Boston]

Originally Posted by Fastskiguy

We've opted for memory care at The Harrison in Wildwood for father in law and may be moving mother in law in too depending on how it goes. It'll take a few days to get the apartment outfitted but he'll be there in a few days and the next chapter begins. Thanks for all of the help!

Joe

I’m sure it was a tough decision for your family. Wish all of you the best of health and happiness in the next chapter

[Fastskiguy]

Just a quick update and another couple of questions! We're at the 1 week point in memory care and things are solidly "OK". The staff is good to him, the food is good, and he's making a friend or two as well. Mentally he's improving but physically he's still wheelchair bound and can't do things like move around on the bed by himself, eating, getting to the toilet, etc. It's only 15 minutes from the house so we're able to visit daily and the visits have been refreshingly pleasant....More visiting/less work!!

In this facility there is no "call button", the staff checks on residents periodically and doesn't depend on a resident pressing a call button. The goal is every 2 hours but sometimes it's more like 6-8 (we have the motion activated cameras in the room so we can monitor it). Personally I am happy with his care. He's in pretty good shape as are the rest of the residents.

However, he is NOT happy with the level of care. What he really wants is a call button he can press and then somebody comes running. He's got a lot of wants....TV channel changed, sip of water, adjust the sheets or the angle of the bed, trip to the bathroom, fluff the pillow etc. etc. When he lived with us.....we were doing that kind of stuff at home as a matter of course. Now that he's in a facility, things are different and he goes hours just waiting for somebody to come in and check on him.

Is what he wants possible anywhere? I mean where he can hit a button and somebody comes right away?


Thanks again!!

Joe

[asianthree]

Originally Posted by Fastskiguy

Just a quick update and another couple of questions! We're at the 1 week point in memory care and things are solidly "OK". The staff is good to him, the food is good, and he's making a friend or two as well. Mentally he's improving but physically he's still wheelchair bound and can't do things like move around on the bed by himself, eating, getting to the toilet, etc. It's only 15 minutes from the house so we're able to visit daily and the visits have been refreshingly pleasant....More visiting/less work!!

In this facility there is no "call button", the staff checks on residents periodically and doesn't depend on a resident pressing a call button. The goal is every 2 hours but sometimes it's more like 6-8 (we have the motion activated cameras in the room so we can monitor it). Personally I am happy with his care. He's in pretty good shape as are the rest of the residents.

However, he is NOT happy with the level of care. What he really wants is a call button he can press and then somebody comes running. He's got a lot of wants....TV channel changed, sip of water, adjust the sheets or the angle of the bed, trip to the bathroom, fluff the pillow etc. etc. When he lived with us.....we were doing that kind of stuff at home as a matter of course. Now that he's in a facility, things are different and he goes hours just waiting for somebody to come in and check on him.

Is what he wants possible anywhere? I mean where he can hit a button and somebody comes right away?


Thanks again!!

Joe

Since your elder is new to the facility, and no longer has full time family care, this is a huge adjustment.

Our Granddaughter in med school, works at 3 facilities (her specialty aging ortho trauma).

At each facility 5-12 patients per hands on employee. Even with 5 patients, if you are engaged with one patient, 4 others would be pushing buttons wanting needs to be taken care of immediately.
5 is doable at a small private facility, but patients can sometimes wait for an hour. Why because you could be in a room for 5 to 40 minutes. (Clean up is time consuming)

One facility has push buttons. A full time non patient caregiver takes request, caregiver grabs request slips as they run by. She honestly thinks her care level is less hands on, with call button then to the stop in each room. Mainly because some patients just want and expect immediate attention sometimes 15 times in an hour.

Sadly what she has found is those who’s family rarely if ever show up, is the patients pushing the buttons constantly. They are lonely usually want that human contact more than needs.

You have found a facility that you are happy with, have a camera in the room in case of emergency, give it some time. Otherwise your best option is spending great deals of time in the room, which doesn’t help in adjusting to a whole new life for you and him. Our experience is button doesn’t get better care, if staff is overwhelmed

Good luck and take a moment for yourself, your wellbeing is very important

[Taltarzac725]

Originally Posted by asianthree

Since your elder is new to the facility, and no longer has full time family care, this is a huge adjustment.

Our Granddaughter in med school, works at 3 facilities (her specialty aging ortho trauma).

At each facility 5-12 patients per hands on employee. Even with 5 patients, if you are engaged with one patient, 4 others would be pushing buttons wanting needs to be taken care of immediately.
5 is doable at a small private facility, but patients can sometimes wait for an hour. Why because you could be in a room for 5 to 40 minutes. (Clean up is time consuming)

One facility has push buttons. A full time non patient caregiver takes request, caregiver grabs request slips as they run by. She honestly thinks her care level is less hands on, with call button then to the stop in each room. Mainly because some patients just want and expect immediate attention sometimes 15 times in an hour.

Sadly what she has found is those who’s family rarely if ever show up, is the patients pushing the buttons constantly. They are lonely usually want that human contact more than needs.

You have found a facility that you are happy with, have a camera in the room in case of emergency, give it some time. Otherwise your best option is spending great deals of time in the room, which doesn’t help in adjusting to a whole new life for you and him. Our experience is button doesn’t get better care, if staff is overwhelmed

Good luck and take a moment for yourself, your wellbeing is very important

Sounds like what I have heard from various home care people we have had the past almost 3.5 years for help with my mother. Many of these ladies have worked in area nursing homes as well as memory care places.

[Fastskiguy]

Originally Posted by asianthree

One facility has push buttons. A full time non patient caregiver takes request, caregiver grabs request slips as they run by. She honestly thinks her care level is less hands on, with call button then to the stop in each room. Mainly because some patients just want and expect immediate attention sometimes 15 times in an hour.

We visited Bridgewater Park in Ocala yesterday and the director said this exact same thing so your post is incredibly timely! He also said that in the first week, plenty of missteps are going to be made but after 1 week...then 1 month...then out to 3 months so that comment helped set our expectations at the current place.

I appreciate the comments!

Joe