[Barkay]

Way to go all. Big 2 thumbs up to Rubicon too!

[Taltarzac725]

Originally Posted by Dr Winston O Boogie jr

I hate to say this, but I read somewhere recently that The Villages has the highest rate of STDs of any community in the country. I think we're already there.

This was debunked a long time ago unless these are new stats. MORE FICTION THAN FACT | Ocala.com


This was irresponsible journalism. The original report was based just on what one doctor said to a local news station.

It is, unfortunately, still all over the Web though like a lot of other junk.

[chachacha]

the latest story i heard on this subject (std's) is that a certain gentleman awoke one morning to find that a lady had painted in large red letters on his garage door that he had given her herpes....this must be a serious consideration to all who might want to get sexually involved anywhere! but i don't think celibacy should be elected out of fear, but rather out of love for one's self and one's standards.

[redwitch]

For my own reasons, I quit dating a long time ago but always had close male friends (always was more a guy than a gal in my thinking). Sadly, I miss my male buds in California. I've made several female friends but only one male friend. Here, if the guy is single, he seems to think that a friendship includes bedroom activities and he is entitled to it. Um, no! If he's married, his wife seems to have issues with his having a female friend or he's out to cheat. Again, no.

I will admit that being celibate for moral reasons never really entered into my mind set. If I choose to have sex with someone, being married to him is irrelevant. What is relevant is my feeling towards him and his towards me. Love, respect, trust have to be there first. Physical intimacy has to be based on those things. Anything less and I'm scrubbing my skin raw as soon as I can get away from the guy. You can't get that in a few dates. It takes time and work.

So, good luck on finding a guy here who doesn't feel he is entitled to more than you're willing to give. I know they're out there -- I've even met a couple of them. Stay true to yourself.

[Villageshooter]

you must know your post was wonderful,, i got to tell you i post some knucklehead posts with a smile on my face,, however I share your thoughts 100% ,, I am happily married for 35 yr last month.. my wife is my queen of my double wide!! I say this as to clarify where I come from with my comments... Please know there are MANY single men out there who share your thoughts... I will acknowledge there are many who are not,,,, Your post has drawn out some folks who I am sure dont post much here.. and you helped them step forward to show the courage to step up and open up a bit! good job,, take this ball and run with it,, i am sure there are many folks out there who agree with you!

[createquilts]

when we first started talking to friends about moving to Florida, possibly the villages one of the first things we heard was "The Villages has the highest rate of STD's in the country."

Recently DH was quite sick (luckily recovered) and one day it crossed my mind, "what would I do without my husband of almost 40 years?" Another man in any capacity in my life did not even cross my mind. I think that there are many women and men who are very independent and who might eventually get involved again after the end of their marriage, perhaps even sexually but it certainly isn't foremost in their mind. And many many who respect their spouses too much to even think of another sexual partner.

Just my two cents after observing lots of long term married couples.

[jimbo2012]

Married my high school sweetheart so no current experience

In reading this thread the one comment that stands out is "test drive",

women R not cars to be tested or used.

Can't believe that comment, ladies how do you feel about that?

[chachacha]

thank you for your lovely post...i understand your perspective very well because at the time of my husband's death in 1995 i could not fathom ever being in love again...but i was only 51 and seven years later, i did fall in love again and stayed in that relationship until his death almost three years ago, albeit with ups and downs. i find that men especially who were happily married feel such a loss that they want to immediately jump into another relationship. men who have been divorced don't even want to consider another marriage, so between the two, it is difficult to find another healthy relationship! i hope your husband lives a long time and that you will never have to deal with these issues. you are blessed!

[Taltarzac725]

Originally Posted by jimbo2012

Married my high school sweetheart so no current experience

In reading this thread the one comment that stands out is "test drive",

women R not cars to be tested or used.

Can't believe that comment, ladies how do you feel about that?

Read the whole post and do not take it out of context. I only used that phrase about someone already in a serious platonic relationship who is thinking about getting married. "Test drive" was used only in jest as a quick way of getting the point across. I meant no disrespect to the ladies and I could also be gay. My point was that there may not be an emotional/physical connection between life long mates that could lead to problems, like an affair if there is no physical attraction there. There should be some real intimacy before marriage to see if a couple actually have the physical connection. http://nzungseraphine.hubpages.com/h...-Compatibility

[SALYBOW]

Chacha,
Good for you for having the courage to broach this subject. We as a generation were called the free love generation. Some of what our generation did was not healthy, but at least they still kept love in it. Many people today forget that sex is supposed to be about love. Very few people fall in love on their first date.
I have a very good friend here who does not "put out" and she has managed to meet a very nice gentleman who respects her wishes. They are so cute together and I believe that they are both enjoying their relationship.
Keep honest to your beliefs. You are so attractive and such a fyn person many men would be happy to just have a platonic relationship with you I am sure.

[dsned]

Agree with all of the above. I have been wondering if I was alone in thinking that there is way too much emphasis placed on sex and NOT enough on the things that make life worth living

[Bogie Shooter]

Originally Posted by jimbo2012

Married my high school sweetheart so no current experience

In reading this thread the one comment that stands out is "test drive",

women R not cars to be tested or used.

Can't believe that comment, ladies how do you feel about that?

or

men R not cars to be tested or used.

Can't believe that comment, men how do you feel about that?

[Taltarzac725]

Originally Posted by Bogie Shooter

or

men R not cars to be tested or used.

Can't believe that comment, men how do you feel about that?

I actually moved in with a female law student back while still working at the U of MN Law Library in Minneapolis, MN. I got the distinct impression that I was the one on the trial run. She liked small towns though while I liked bigger cities like Minneapolis and San Francisco.

[rubicon]

My story is on page 1 of this thread. Like many here have moved around the country. At each new office I had the most attractive women hitting on me (not bragging here). I made certain that I did not hurt anyone's feelings because of office politics. My focus was on my career and being the celebrated don juan was a buzzkill My belief in being celibate before marriage and faithful following was not born out of religion, morality, etc but simply based on "a promise" and the fact that respect is paramount. Respect is very very fragile and so when someone says " will you respect me in the morning" the answer is verbally always is going to be "yes". However relisticallythe questions of doubts remain just below the surface ready to strike. I sum up my marriage as saying the three most important people in my life are my wife, my son and my daughter...than me

As to this physical attraction/chemistry
we knew it when we met in high school continued before we were married and after. And when the proper time came to consummate neither of us had any trouble figuring out what to do.

We are not one of these couples who has ever said it was good for me was it good for you. We viewed it as an extension of our love and hence it was always good. Pretty simple huh?

The shades of Grey type authors gotten think this guy is soooo one dimensional but the fact is you can't stay married 50 years and be with the same person 55 years without having some type of draw.

Finaly let me say with all the sincereity I can muster that I feel so badly for these young people that cannot keep separate pure love and sex. Because pure love is not conditional anything less than that is not love and much of it is lust

[Taltarzac725]

Originally Posted by rubicon

My story is on page 1 of this thread. Like many here have moved around the country. At each new office I had the most attractive women hitting on me (not bragging here). I made certain that I did not hurt anyone's feelings because of office politics. My focus was on my career and being the celebrated don juan was a buzzkill My belief in being celibate before marriage and faithful following was not born out of religion, morality, etc but simply based on "a promise" and the fact that respect is paramount. Respect is very very fragile and so when someone says " will you respect me in the morning" the answer is verbally always is going to be "yes". However relisticallythe questions of doubts remain just below the surface ready to strike. I sum up my marriage as saying the three most important people in my life are my wife, my son and my daughter...than me

As to this physical attraction/chemistry
we knew it when we met in high school continued before we were married and after. And when the proper time came to consummate neither of us had any trouble figuring out what to do.

We are not one of these couples who has ever said it was good for me was it good for you. We viewed it as an extension of our love and hence it was always good. Pretty simple huh?

The shades of Grey type authors gotten think this guy is soooo one dimensional but the fact is you can't stay married 50 years and be with the same person 55 years without having some type of draw.

Finaly let me say with all the sincereity I can muster that I feel so badly for these young people that cannot keep separate pure love and sex. Because pure love is not conditional anything less than that is not love and much of it is lust

Good for you. Think that these strong long-term marriages from people who grew up when a different set of morals were standard though are becoming rarer because of the bombardment of hedonism from Hollywood movies, TV shows, books, news programs, and the like.

Some of the shows that TOTVers watched when they were growing up and even much later did not even allow married couples to be seen on the same bed like with Dick Van Dyke and his show. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Van_Dyke