[Hyacinth Bucket]

Also received this from the same person. I am sorry but I do not know who to attribute it to.

As of today, some of the following fees are in place.

HB

As a Courtesy to Our Passengers:

Speaking to live airline booking agent helpfulness fee: $.25 per minute (including hold time)
Online reservation convenience fee: $5 (There is a fee, some airlines, if you make your reservations via the phone.)
Courtesy luggage-cuddling fee: $15
No-snooping-through-your-stuff guarantee: $3
Courtesy fee for booking a window seat, middle seat, and exit-row seat, respectively: $10 $5 $15 (Some of the airlines are already have premium seats, where you pay extra to reserve these seats.)
Seat-sharing waiver: $25
Use of "courtesy seat" at terminal gate while waiting for plane: $.10 per minute
Courtesy passage through enclosed ramp to plane door: $.02 per inch
Courtesy smile from boarding-pass checker or flight attendant: $1.50 each
Reassuring head nod from pilot or co-pilot: $2.50 each
Seat-back pocket rental fee: $2.00
Motion-discomfort bag restocking fee: $5.00
Courtesy test of flaps, rudder and landing gear: $4.75
Courtesy air circulation fee: $1.50
No-snakes-on-plane guarantee: $3
Rental of light from overhead reading lamp: $0.50 per minute
Water, coffee, tea and juice: $2.00 each
Courtesy lavatory flush: $3 each
Courtesy fee for not performing a courtesy lavatory flush: $100
Ask flight attendant a question: $1 each
Cone-of-silence rental (mandatory for babies and loud talkers over 80db): $20
Seat cushion that sinks: $2
Seat cushion that floats: $8
Mid-flight fuel check: $4.50
Landing-at-the-right-airport guarantee: $2.50
Courtesy disembarking fee: $25
Airline CEO country club membership courtesy contribution: $6