[Mikeod]

Years ago I was working in the eye department at Camp Pendleton when the front desk called and asked if I would take a call from the OR. Thinking they had some sort of emergency, I took the call. The nurse on the phone explained they were doing a colonoscopy and broke the patient's contact lens. All I could think to say was "My God, you're thorough!". Then we both cracked up.

Turns out, the patient had started tearing and their hard contact lens had popped out and someone stepped on it. They wanted to know if the eye department could handle replacement. We did.

[kathyzapp]

Originally Posted by Ecuadog

Referring to a new medication, I said, "Damn, I forgot to take that stupid pill."

Without missing a beat, my wife said, "You don't need it."

Originally Posted by mikeod

Years ago I was working in the eye department at Camp Pendleton when the front desk called and asked if I would take a call from the OR. Thinking they had some sort of emergency, I took the call. The nurse on the phone explained they were doing a colonoscopy and broke the patient's contact lens. All I could think to say was "My God, you're thorough!". Then we both cracked up.

Turns out, the patient had started tearing and their hard contact lens had popped out and someone stepped on it. They wanted to know if the eye department could handle replacement. We did.

[hotrodgirl]

My husband was a police officer here for 27 years. One day he returned home from work and almost immediately received a call from the station to return. My hubby was 6'4 and built like a fullback, so no one really messed with him. He asked why and they said they had a "situation with a prisoner". Still in uniform, he took off and returned home a half hour later. How bad was it, I asked? He proceeded to tell me that they had some idiot standing on a desk kicking and screaming that he knew karate. Bunch of rookies standing around trying to figure out how to get him down. That's when someone called my Larry to remedy the situation. So I asked what he'd done to get back home so quickly. It was easy, he told me. I just took out my baton, whacked his knees, and told him that while he may know karate, I was an expert in nightstick! That story made the rounds for many years!!

[Happinow]

When my daughter was about 3, we were at home watching TV when the weather came on. We were expecting some bad weather so I said to my chatty 3 year old....hush, I want to see the weather. She replied...well look outside! DUH!!

[gerryann]

I'm enjoying these...they're hysterical.

My daughter at about three years came in the house after being next door. She exclaimed that she was watching a very scary show on tv. I asked her what it was...she said "the toilet zone"..... (I think she meant the Twilight Zone)

[Tom Hannon]

This story was posted on TOTV a few years ago when my wife and I were taking Lifestyle Preview Plan before we decided to become Village people. I searched for the post but it appears to be deleted.

As most of you guys know, during the LSV, you get not only a roof over your head but a no frills white golf cart with no sunbrella.
As I did all the driving as we cruised around town at the blazing speed of twelve miles an hour, I suggested to my wife that she drive it a bit, so she could get the feel of the golf cart experience. She drove to a rec center in the area and then we checked out the pool. After a few minutes of chatting with another couple, we headed back to our Cabana.
A block away my wife starts screaming “Someone stole my ****en cell phone.” She had left the phone in one of the cup holders in the cart. Rather than waste time to explain to my wife how to turn the cart around (She didn’t know where reverse was) I jumped out of the cart and dashed back to the rec center. As I was running, I took my cell and dialed her cell number figuring whoever took the phone I’d hear it ringing and I’d confront the thief who had it. Sure as hell, I heard her phone ringing and I followed the sound to a white golf cart with no sunbrella. The phone was sitting in the cup holder, (the same place my wife had put her cell). Duhhh. The phone wasn’t stolen. My wife was driving away with the wrong golf cart.

[salpal]

I am not making fun of my 90 year old Mother (with dimentia), but this is a funny incident that took place a few weeks ago.

Conversation:

Me: Mom, Andy Griffith died yesterday

Mom: That's a shame, how old was he?

Me: 86

Just after that, I switched on her TV and a rerun of Mayberry was playing.

Me: Look Mom, there is Andy Griffith on TV

Mom: He doesn't look 86 to me

[2BNTV]

A friend of mine gave her 90+ year old mother a beautiful floral arrangement of artificial flowers. her mothers eyesight wasn't great.

Several weeks later she said to her daughter, "those flowers you gave are wonderful as I water them every day and they never die".

[Mikeod]

OK, another one. We visited TV in October one year and gave the agent some items we wanted in our home. In January of the next year, I scheduled a Lifestyle visit for May. In February, we got a call from the agent about a home he felt fit our requirements and we closed in April. We still had the visit booked for May, so we decided to bring my mom with us. (BTW, she liked it so much, she bought a home here as well.)

Anyway, we rented a golf cart from the store on Canal Street. At the end of our visit, I was to drive the cart back to the store and my wife was to drive our rental car there to pick me up. She was still a little disoriented about TV, but I reassured her that all she needed to do was get back on Buena Vista and take Odell Circle to Canal Street then to the cart store. After waiting a while for her at the cart store, I called her cell phone to see where she was. She answered that she was on Odell Circle and didn't see Canal Street anywhere. Turns out she was going round and round the roundabout at Odell, Bailey Trail, and Buena Vista! We still laugh about this. (Well, at least I do.)

[graciegirl]

Originally Posted by mikeod

Years ago I was working in the eye department at Camp Pendleton when the front desk called and asked if I would take a call from the OR. Thinking they had some sort of emergency, I took the call. The nurse on the phone explained they were doing a colonoscopy and broke the patient's contact lens. All I could think to say was "My God, you're thorough!". Then we both cracked up.

Turns out, the patient had started tearing and their hard contact lens had popped out and someone stepped on it. They wanted to know if the eye department could handle replacement. We did.

Omigosh...another keyboard gone with a coffee spit.

MIKE!