[Fastskiguy]

Hello

My in laws moved in with my wife and me June 2022 and have fairly major mobility issues and moderately severe dementia. We’ve been going along with a home health company, 5 hours per day. Their needs have been increasing and now they need help with getting up, feeding, and toileting. They have both been in and out of rehab a few times over the last 2 years and we have struggled to get adequate care in several facilities as they have a lot of needs. We’d like to keep them at home as long as possible, even thru end of life, if we can. But we need some serious help, it’s gotten to be work all day long and our home help just isn’t cutting it.

Is what we think we want to do even possible? And if so, is there a company that can help us? We are paying out of pocket and are willing to throw more money at this problem for more help.

Thanks for any comments you may have

Joe

[Fastskiguy]

Just checking in....does anybody have any comments?

Joe

[retiredguy123]

They would be better off in a facility.

[ChrisTee]

I don't have any suggestions but am watching to see if someone has something to contribute. Our neighbors had a service 24/7 for about 3 months. I will check to see if I can learn anything about their experience.

[villagetinker]

I believe there are some agencies that MAY be able to help. I would call Sumter County general number and ask for help, they will direct you to a suitable county or state agency. A lot may depend on finances, and I am sure nothing will happen quickly. There is a entity called "A place for Mom" and they may be able to give you some advice. We used Mission Oaks for my wife's mother, nice facility and very good staff, I think she was there for 1.5 to 2 years in the memory unit.
I hope you find a suitable solution.

[CarlR33]

Originally Posted by retiredguy123

They would be better off in a facility.

While this may seem a harsh response I would agree that at some point they may need full time care and you have already given them ~2 years of an extension away from that? Our parents have went from apartment in a care home to full time health care in around 4 years time. It’s tuff to do and good luck. You also need your time to yourself while you can still enjoy your life.

[thelegges]

There are two factors one I agree with OP, in keeping in home for as long as possible. Reason is it’s how we were raised, and our grands and greats were cared for in home until death. My mom always said once you put me in a home you may stop once a week eventually you will forget me. I would rather die than be in a home.

While there are good facilities, sometimes it’s not the best fit.

We have also had experience with some of the at home companies, experience was less then adequate.

Have heard many good things about a place for mom. They will give you advice on what is available for your situation. Rehab can be repeated if needed.

[Fastskiguy]

Originally Posted by CarlR33

While this may seem a harsh response I would agree that at some point they may need full time care and you have already given them ~2 years of an extension away from that? Our parents have went from apartment in a care home to full time health care in around 4 years time. It’s tuff to do and good luck. You also need your time to yourself while you can still enjoy your life.

I appreciate the comment but the reality is that the best we've found is one aid per 10 residents. That works out to 6 minutes per hour and that's not enough to care for their needs.

I'm not staying we're opposed to...at some point...putting them in a facility and hoping for the best. It's just that *right now* we're not ready for 1/10th of an aid's time at this point. We're looking for skilled nursing, 1 on 1 care. (well...1 on 2 care but you know what I mean)

Assistance would be nice but we're fortunate enough to be working and can afford care. I am back to my original question....is there a resource out there for hard core skilled care at nearly any price?

Thanks again for the comments

Joe

[Fastskiguy]

We haven’t made any progress on finding hard core nursing are but we’ve got one in rehab at the moment and are trying to plan for (hopefully) coming home. Does anybody have a company or person who could help us with our bathroom situation? We think we need a taller toilet and bars along side it so they can get on and off by themselves. Father in law is 230# so we need heavy duty mobility bars (or whatever they are called). Thanks

Joe

[OrangeBlossomBaby]

Originally Posted by Fastskiguy

We haven’t made any progress on finding hard core nursing are but we’ve got one in rehab at the moment and are trying to plan for (hopefully) coming home. Does anybody have a company or person who could help us with our bathroom situation? We think we need a taller toilet and bars along side it so they can get on and off by themselves. Father in law is 230# so we need heavy duty mobility bars (or whatever they are called). Thanks

Joe

Unfortunately, you're going to need more help. You'll either need to bring in aides for far longer than 5 hours a day, or you'll need to find them a facility that can care for them. If they didn't buy long-term insurance, it's going to cost a lot of money, either way, unless they have no assets and no savings.

My parents had long-term insurance, and the -deductible- for home health aides was $50,000 each. So mom had to pay $50,000 before insurance picked up the rest, and she had 24/7 care at home. After she died last October, dad still needed them to stay in the house, because he wasn't able to move around, and couldn't drive to doctors appointments or go grocery shopping, or any of that stuff. So he had to pay $50,000 for 24/7 care as well, even though it's the same three aides (one's a night aide who stays 7 nights a week, one is a weekday daytime aide, and one is only there daytime on weekends).

Mom died at home, with home-hospice care. After dad went through that, while my sister and I were there for the last 2 weeks of her life, he decided that he'd rather be put in a hospice facility when the time comes. He doesn't want his daughters to go through that trauma with him.

But putting him in a facility now, a non-hospice facility, would cost upward around $6000 per month, and medicare doesn't cover that. He could get 100 days covered in an actual nursing home, but what happens if he lives longer than that? The costs are astronomical and at that point, he'd have no home to return to.

I don't envy you your situation, OP. But please do consider YOUR needs as well as your in-law's needs. Don't sacrifice your own health. If your back goes out from trying to pick one of them up if they fall - who will take care of ALL of you?

[AZTOFLA]

[QUOTE=Fastskiguy;2323452]We haven’t made any progress on finding hard core nursing are but we’ve got one in rehab at the moment and are trying to plan for (hopefully) coming home. Does anybody have a company or person who could help us with our bathroom situation? We think we need a taller toilet and bars along side it so they can get on and off by themselves. Father in law is 230# so we need heavy duty mobility bars (or whatever they are called). Thanks

I strongly recommend Grab Bars and More at 352-630-9256. They installed a bolted in toilet riser, grab bar at side of toilet in primary bath, in front of the 2nd toilet, and in showers. George had many recommendations for best placement. He was very helpful.

[Taltarzac725]

Originally Posted by Fastskiguy

Hello

My in laws moved in with my wife and me June 2022 and have fairly major mobility issues and moderately severe dementia. We’ve been going along with a home health company, 5 hours per day. Their needs have been increasing and now they need help with getting up, feeding, and toileting. They have both been in and out of rehab a few times over the last 2 years and we have struggled to get adequate care in several facilities as they have a lot of needs. We’d like to keep them at home as long as possible, even thru end of life, if we can. But we need some serious help, it’s gotten to be work all day long and our home help just isn’t cutting it.

Is what we think we want to do even possible? And if so, is there a company that can help us? We are paying out of pocket and are willing to throw more money at this problem for more help.

Thanks for any comments you may have

Joe

Have their doctors recommended palliative hospice? Companies like Vitas and Cornerstone can provide a lot of equipment and weekly or so visits. Their health care providers need to refer hospice though. I rejected them at first but they have been very helpful with medications and equipment.

[Inexes@aol.com]

Originally Posted by Fastskiguy

We haven’t made any progress on finding hard core nursing are but we’ve got one in rehab at the moment and are trying to plan for (hopefully) coming home. Does anybody have a company or person who could help us with our bathroom situation? We think we need a taller toilet and bars along side it so they can get on and off by themselves. Father in law is 230# so we need heavy duty mobility bars (or whatever they are called). Thanks

Joe

If in rehab facility the D/C planner should be handling all your in home needs post D/C. Should be ordering Medicare HH Agency to eval and treat and that will get you started and will provide information on durable medical equipment for safety in home. It is a very involved process and the person from the HHC agency can help you understand. Medicare does not pay for any custodial care, but all the Medicare agencies also have a "private pay side" that can provide for any/all your needs. This is paid out of pocket. And there are many agencies in the area that provide care 24/7 that are not affiliated with a Medicare agency and in most instances, a little cheaper. But believe me..... no in home care or facility care is cheap. It is just unbelievable, the charges to care for our elderly.
If you go the Medicare HHC way, be sure that you get an order for a Social Worker who is the person who will help you with your long term care planning.
Good luck with your planning. I feel your pain. I am the other end of the stick... I am the MIL, living with my daughter & spouse in their home and I worry all day, every day, about the same things you are worrying about. I have not reached the stage your in laws have, but it is coming and I am going to be facing the same problems. I really never planned on this and dwell constantly on the thought that I am "ruining their lives"..... We parents did not plan on this..... Good Luck and God Bless.
BTW: I worked for 40 yrs in HHC and 20 of those in The Villages, right up until 2020 when Covid hit. I can highly recommend both Housecall and Amedisys HH Care agencies.

[Taltarzac725]

We have had Right at Home coming in for two years or so. Expensive but worth it most of the time. You do get someone who does not fit in well with our situation on occasion. We have someone for seven hours a day or so each day. I do the work the rest of time. Hardest job I have ever had. Good luck.

Vitas covers a lot of the equipment and meds.

[Taltarzac725]

I do wonder how well the nursing homes around here deal with sundowning? It can get really bad on some days without almost no help from the prescribed drugs. Prescribed by the palliative hospice. In our case, this is Vitas.