[LynnDeb]

I know people have been in their neighborhoods a long time now but, why don't they seem to want to get to know new people?
I go to different rec centers to some of the games, find I can play at some tables but, than they leave the rec center and hear them chatting a bit in the parking lot about our games, etc. I kind of feel like a 3rd wheel.
What's up w this??? I was under impression we r in same time in life that it would have been easier to fit in at these rec centers..
Disappointing and discouraging.
Thanks for reading, Lynn

[tippyclubb]

I'm sorry you feel this way and it must be very lonely not knowing people and feeling like you don't fit in.

Last week you posted a thread regarding this situation and I recall several people reaching out to you and wanting to meet you. You were invited to Crispers and Graciegirl's home, along with several other invites. Did you follow up on any of those invitations?

If not, perhaps you should as you would be exposed to some new people outside of the rec centers.

Good luck to you and hope you make some friends soon!

[redwitch]

Sometimes it's a matter of finding the right group. Some clubs are definitely more cliquish than others. Maybe the next time you play, stop someone on the way out and discuss a hand or round that was played. It is a way to get a conversation going that might lead to coffee or chats in the parking lot.

I found that if I joined a conversation about a hand after bridge, people were very happy to let me join in. Yet, they would never have thought to invite me into the chat. Tis the nature of the human beast. You can join in (gently, respectfully, don't be the elephant in the room), you can keep walking and feel snubbed, you can start your own conversation. They all seem to work but it is rare that you will be asked to join in without some effort on your part. I wormed my way into one group by talking about my grandson.

[leenie24]

How long are you living here? I have been here a year and 5 months and I can share my experience with you. For the first 9 or so months, I tried a number of different activities at the rec centers. I went sporadically to different clubs looking for the ones I would eventually join and continue with. I did feel like a fish out of water in those first months. In those activities and clubs which I continued with, I began to get to know people and connect. I now feel I have a large circle of friends. It does take a while to get to know people. I am a more reticent personality so it takes me time to warm up and reach out. Once I did, people were very open and available. Good luck. I hope you give yourself time. Continue with the clubs and activities you enjoy and you will begin to meet people and feel more a part of.

[Ohiogirl]

go to the rec centers for the "organized play" or lessons - either mostly new people or people taking up a new game. If you meet people whose company you enjoy after 3 or 4 times, ask to exchange calling cards or contact info, saying you'd enjoy getting together again to play.

But, if you are single, why are you not joining one or two of the singles clubs - I have 2 single friends who say they could be busy twice a day with singles activities here.

[NotGolfer]

I don't think folks are clique-ish intentionally. I once heard an explanation of friendships....think of your hand or hands (depending on the individual). Each of your fingers equals one relationship (or friend). Most folks can manage only so many of those relationships within a close range. Think back to your former life...how many relationships of friends did you have? I would say that sometimes these classes or groups at the rec centers have folks who've already made their relationships of choice and it's difficult to add more just due to human nature.

I will say this...we moved here nearly 4 1/2 years ago. It wasn't until a couple of years ago when we got involved in a church that I began to meet and make friendships. I don't "do" many of the activities here due to some physical limitations so finding like-minded people was difficult. It's a process and "If" you're new, it may take time. You can't force friendships!

[ilovetv]

My friends are mostly neighbors and then thru the people that are their friends. How about contacting all the single women on your neighborhood email/phone/address list, and inviting them for coffee or a simple lunch. Or set a date for lunch and make a reservation and invite them to sign up with you by email or phone.

If the neighborhood does not have an email/phone/address list, making one is a great way to meet the people and know their names, addresses, interests, where they're from, etc. Having a solid contact list of neighbors (and emergency contact info) lends cohesion among neighbors.

Also, volunteering is one of the best ways to meet people who think past themselves and care about others. There is a big list of volunteer opportunities in the newspaper every week and there are websites showing them.

Volunteering thru church, for food pantries, thrift store fundraiser stores like Hospice and Centsible Furnishings run by LOVE, Inc (Love in the Name of Christ), nursing homes, churches, grade schools etc..... is a great way to meet people of integrity with a spirit of generosity.

[LynnDeb]

Originally Posted by Ohiogirl

go to the rec centers for the "organized play" or lessons - either mostly new people or people taking up a new game. If you meet people whose company you enjoy after 3 or 4 times, ask to exchange calling cards or contact info, saying you'd enjoy getting together again to play.

But, if you are single, why are you not joining one or two of the singles clubs - I have 2 single friends who say they could be busy twice a day with singles activities here.

I am not single, I have an outgoing personality then my hubby..

[LynnDeb]

Thank you all for your input,
First off I am not single, just more social than my husband...
We are meeting up with some couples for lunch the end of this wk.
Gracie, I will get together w you real soon, we wanted to make Crispers last wk and were disappointed we had other appt that went over the time....but it is on the to do list...

Thanks everyone again,
Lynn