[Velvet]

Originally Posted by Pugchief

Ya, but how do you make them happy?

The secret is to watch how the other person reacts. When you see a genuine smile, eyes light up etc - you’ve got it!

[Michael G.]

May 30th 58 years ago my wife and I met in a revolving door and been going around ever since.

[JGibson]

Originally Posted by Velvet

In general women simply want to be happy. From a spouse; they would like to be cherished.

If the woman isn't happy when you meet her then she will only be artificially happy in any other way.

Happiness is truly an inside job. Some people no matter what you do will be happy.

[Whitley]

Originally Posted by MandoMan

My ex-wife was looking specifically for a member of her less-well-known religious denomination. E-Harmony let people list their denomination and search for it, and she found a new husband that way. This was about 13 years ago. The catch was that she had a great job in Pennsylvania and couldn’t move. He lived in Georgia or something. That’s a long trip for that first date, especially as they believed in no sex until marriage. But they’ve been very happy. I attribute that to who they are, rather than to the dating site, but in any case, that worked.

I used Match. (I also tried OKCupid, which I liked, though I got no dates from there.) I put effort into writing an honest profile that wasn’t a string of clichés and using honest photos. Actually, I’m shy, so I mostly went out with women who wrote to me after they saw I looked at their ad or liked it. That worked out pretty well. I dated a professor for four months, a lawyer for three years, and a banker for eight years. This always meant spending weekends together at their house and a 90 minute drive each way.

Socially and economically right, which you ask about, is very important, no matter what your own is. Online dating calls for constant vigilance—yes, for safety, but also for scam artists, both male and female, and even for the people who are not social and economic matches. At our age, every month is precious, and we don’t want to waste a year or two with wrong people. We may not marry, but we want to be happy. (A friend her in her mid-seventies went on Match and was soon contacted by a man with a nice house on the beach. They talked happily on the phone for a week and looked forward to meeting. Then she found out the distance wasn’t a problem for him because he expected her to sell her house and move in with him in about four months. Without even meeting!)

When I first went on Match, as a college professor with a Ph.D,., I refused to meet women without graduate degrees and excellent jobs. I figured we would have more in common. There was no one like that in my age bracket within an hour of me. That was a problem. Here in The Villages, most people I know don’t know what I did before I retired, and I don’t know what they did. We live here, do the same activities, like some of the same things, and that’s enough. I guess you could say that I’m less snobbish. But I only dated women who actually live in The Villages, just a few minutes away from me.

I would never consider a site like Tinder because the idea of being judged and found wanting in two seconds on the basis of a photo is revolting. I’m no longer on Match, but I’m sort of an expert. I want to see a well-written profile without clichés. No references to little black dresses or walks hand in hand along the beach or bottles of wine or loving to travel when you don’t even have a passport. Don’t say you love art if you really mean crafts and you don’t go to art museums and know what you are looking at. Don’t say you are athletic if that was thirty years ago. Don’t say you are fit if you aren’t. (I’m not.) Don’t say you love to read if you don’t do it. Don’t say you love all sorts of music unless you really do. Save us both time: if you are a liberal or a moderate Democrat or Republican or right wing, say so. One night a woman threw a martini in my face at a country club bar because of a political disagreement at a first meeting. But I also wouldn’t date someone “woke”. I like moderate.

If you write a good profile, I may find something appealing in what you write. If you write nothing, I’ll probably skip you. Take the time to read my profile and you may be repelled or enchanted. In any case, you would have quite a bit on which to base a judgment.

You can learn a bit from a good profile about the social and economic background of a potential date. You can learn where they went to school, what they did for a living, if they have kids, if they are outgoing and have lots of friends (I’m not and I don’t). You can also learn from the photos. For me, if a woman posts photos of herself with tattoos or a motorcycle or a gun or a MAGA hat, she won’t hear from me. (Nothing against the guns, but not in a photo—it’s in there to send a message, and message received.) But if a woman posts photos of herself at expensive ski resorts, that’s also probably a no for me, because I don’t ski. Likewise with the sailboat shots. Not only do I not sail, but I can’t afford to ski and sail, even though I’m pretty well off. Another red flag is photos that aren’t relatively current. (More than one woman here has thirty year old photos on Match.) Watch out for photo apps that leave your face line free. That is generally obvious, and not many are fooled by it. That said, some lighting is more diffuse and hides wrinkles, while direct sun accentuates wrinkles. Have your photos taken in the shade. Take off the sun glasses and the hats. (Don’t use selfies taken with a wide angle lens. Have a friend take photos from six feet away, when crop them. The blurriness will help hide the wrinkles.)

I think a lot of us imagine ourselves looking much younger than we are. Also, when we move to The Villages, often we don’t have much experience with people our own age or older and aren’t used to how people that age really look. It really does take some getting used to. One problem with Match is that we often judge people by photos without getting to know them. If we actually spend time together, hours, or several dates, and talking on the phone, and stuff like that, we often look beyond the ravages of time and see the special person, the beauty between the lines. (Now, if you go to City Fire, you may find that having a few drinks is like a soft-focus filter. People may look better through the bottom of the glass. That’s one approach, though not for me. I’d rather get acquainted.)

Good God man, what a post. If your online dating page was this long, I can see where no one would get to the end of it. Not criticizing. You put a great deal of time and effort into your post. I hope you met the person of your dreams. Where did you teach?

[Whitley]

Originally Posted by PersonOfInterest

Just put a pink ribbon in your hair and go to City Fire .... and if you're a lady be sure to wear Red shoes.

Now you have me wondering what the pink ribbon stands for. Are you sure I wont look silly in a pink ribbon?

[Whitley]

Originally Posted by msilagy

MandoMan, that was an excellent summation of what to look for and expect on dating sites. Great points. You are a person who knows what he wants, is selective, and that's very admirable. I have limited exposure over the years, and do not participate any longer, but I also was selective. By that I mean I paid attention to education, profession, their written profile, their likes and dislikes, and of course pictures. I myself always dated my pictures, which I wish everyone would do, plus I never lied about my age. I spoke on the phone, blocked my number when there were only land lines until we met and I had a semblance of safety. One off color remark in the profile or over the phone and I am gone! I met several very nice men, dated a few times but never ended up in a relationship. The misrepresentation was rampant and that spoiled my desire to do online dating.

As for the remarks about City Fire it is no different than any other restaurant/bar anywhere in the US. Take it for what it is if you enjoy dancing and socializing. Overall it is not suggested to try and meet anyone in a bar, anywhere, not just City Fire. So why always the reference boggles my mind unless there are married folks commenting because they wish they could participate!!!

Have you ever met mandoman?

[Stu from NYC]

Originally Posted by Whitley

Now you have me wondering what the pink ribbon stands for.

Your in the market?

[Whitley]

Originally Posted by Stu from NYC

Your in the market?

I'm a six foot 200 pound male; where exactly would I put this pink ribbon?

[Ecuadog]

Originally Posted by Whitley

I'm a six foot 200 pound male; where exactly would I put this pink ribbon?

Do you wear a kilt?

[zmarkp]

There's a great book out there on writing personal ads called 'Cupid's Secret: How To Write Irresistible Personal Ads' with over 500 examples to guide you.

It's free with Kindle Unlimited.

And yes, I wrote it. And yes, it worked for me.

[Cybersprings]

Originally Posted by Villagesgal

My God, it's no wonder you are still single. From what you wrote, there is not a woman in the world that meets your requirements. Good luck to you. You need it.

Just about as directly insulting to another forum user as one can be. There was not one insulting statement in the person's post. Maybe not someone you are interested in, but not a license to insult in my opinion.

[GoldenBoy]

Originally Posted by Stu from NYC

Your in the market?

Your what in the market? Your is a possive adjective usually followed by a object type noun. As in Your hat ... or Your car... or perhaps, Your education...

You were actually asking a question, so You are in the market. Or as a contraction, and I'm only guessing here, You're in the the market. But these are not really questions. These are declarative sentences. Perhaps what you meant to write is, Are you in the market? See the difference?

[Ecuadog]

Originally Posted by GoldenBoy

Your what in the market? Your is a possive adjective usually followed by a object type noun. As in Your hat ... or Your car... or perhaps, Your education...

You were actually asking a question, so You are in the market. Or as a contraction, and I'm only guessing here, You're in the the market. But these are not really questions. These are declarative sentences. Perhaps what you meant to write is, Are you in the market? See the difference?

Your first day on the internet?