[mommieswamie]

How do you know when it is time to give up and move closer to your children. What are the signs? How and when do you make such a decision? I am sure that those of us who really want to leave this beautiful place are few and far between, but sometimes it becomes a necessity. So how do you know and what if you know it is time and you don't want to make the decision. You don't want to leave? Then what do you do?

[JoeC1947]

Originally Posted by mommieswamie

How do you know when it is time to give up and move closer to your children. What are the signs? How and when do you make such a decision? I am sure that those of us who really want to leave this beautiful place are few and far between, but sometimes it becomes a necessity. So how do you know and what if you know it is time and you don't want to make the decision. You don't want to leave? Then what do you do?

Only you can answer these questions for yourself. I know that's not the answer you're looking for but I can't pretend to know your very serious situation.

[mommieswamie]

I guess I was not looking for a specific answer to our situation, but just generally. When is it time. Maybe it is time since I am wondering about it, but I don't want to leave. I view it as a defeat and I don't want to be defeated. But everything is so hard and it's not fun any more, but why can't it be. So surely, there are real signs, a checklist maybe that says - it's time to be closer to children and leave your dream behind.

[chachacha]

i am not in your situation but i would imagine if there are serious health problems with frequent hospitalizations and need for loving care, then yes it would be better to be near children...if it is just some household help that one needs as we get older, there are other solutions which might enable you to stay in your home, such as Visiting Angels etc....i hope you find just the right thing for you....

[mommieswamie]

Thanks for your answer, chachacha. It is actually very thought provoking. There are serious health problems with hospitalizations (Florida Hospital Orlando next week) and yes we certainly need loving care, but at the same time, we do have Visiting Angels services. They are absolutely wonderful and they do help me to be able to care for my husband in our home. But at what point do I say that's all I can do. I don't want to be defeated. I guess it's just very late at night and I am just wondering - looking for signs that will guide us to the right decision. Stay here? - move closer to children? (and, by the way, we are blessed to be wanted by our children) I don't want to move. I have not had enough yet.

[gamby]

Family are all you have if you really look at it. You sound lonely, the village is a nice place but being near your kids and grand kids may mean more at this time in your life.
We just moved here and miss the kids and grand kids always . We came from connecticut with the cold winters and really love Florida's weather but
"Home is where your heart is"" so we will see how things go here.

Very best
A

[sueandskip]

What does your soul say ?

[mommieswamie]

Originally Posted by gamby

Family are all you have if you really look at it. You sound lonely, the village is a nice place but being near your kids and grand kids may mean more at this time in your life.
We just moved here and miss the kids and grand kids always . We came from connecticut with the cold winters and really love Florida's weather but
"Home is where your heart is"" so we will see how things go here.

Very best
A

Yes, you are certainly right about family being all you have. And, indeed, I am lonely in my ordeal and need to make a decision. I really do have a lot of friends here that I used to see and a lot of activities that I used to participate in, so maybe the signs that it is time to end the struggle are right in front of me, but I don't want to see them. I want our life to be the way it used to be, but...

[mommieswamie]

Originally Posted by sueandskip

What does your soul say ?

I don't know. I am having a hard time hearing it. Something else keeps saying "I don't want to leave the beautiful life that we used to have."

[redwitch]

I'd say it's time when you really can't cope any more. When the day is long and the night is longer because of the concerns and worries. When Visiting Angels isn't enough; when just friends doesn't cut it. It's not giving up. It's moving on to the next stage of life. Not always a pleasant choice.

I'm sorry you're having to contemplate this.

[jblum315]

I think maybe a sign is when you are so overwhelmed and your kids know it and they are concerned and worried enough that you feel their pain.

[mommieswamie]

It has indeed been a long night and now a day of caregiving - yes, with the help of Visiting Angels - but without any of our 6 children and 9 grandchildren. I think I am beginning to hear what my soul is saying.

[shcisamax]

I think that you may be framing the question in your mind in the wrong way. You have mentioned a couple times that you don't want to be defeated. That position takes your active choice out of the equation. Get rid of that thinking! This isn't a matter of being defeated. This is first and foremost really about where you are going to feel loved, feel connected, and feel you have a meaningful life...whatever that means to you. In that context, you will make a better decision. Good luck.

[senior citizen]

.............

[mommieswamie]

Originally Posted by shcisamax

I think that you may be framing the question in your mind in the wrong way. You have mentioned a couple times that you don't want to be defeated. That position takes your active choice out of the equation. Get rid of that thinking! This isn't a matter of being defeated. This is first and foremost really about where you are going to feel loved, feel connected, and feel you have a meaningful life...whatever that means to you. In that context, you will make a better decision. Good luck.

Yes, I have mentioned that. I guess I want to be "successful" at caring for him. But, truthfully, who of us is above needing help and needing to be in a supportive environment. How could moving closer to children who want us there be "being defeated". Indeed that is negative thinking, when such a decision should be viewed as a positive one. Thank you for your insight. I do appreciate it.