[zonerboy]

When your children are children, your life belongs to them. Once they are grown, you life becomes your own once again. That's the way it works. Period.
Don't let yourself be manipulated by the selfish and passive-aggressive behavior of others.

[Peachie]

Originally Posted by Cobh521

We moved to TV 9 months ago. We have 5 children. Our two sons and two daughters are very happy with our decision and are looking forward to visiting. Our oldest daughter has not talked to us since January when our house went under agreement. We constantly called her and will not answer the phone or return our calls. Before we left we took everyone out to dinner to say goodbye. She did not come. When we left the next morning at 6:00 am, she called and yelled at my husband about not being invited to the dinner. He replied that he left 14 messages and called her everyday for a month. She told us to have a good life without her where ever we go. We have not heard from her since and she still does not answer the phone. Our youngest, who is in college has been trying to communicate with her through Facebook. She reads the messages but never replies. We just keep her in our prayers and hopes that she makes a decision to come back and be part of the family

The behavior your oldest daughter is exhibiting maybe be more than her parents moving to another state, does she struggle in other areas? Mental health issues may be undermining her ability to reach out to you.

[travelguy]

If your child is not speaking to you because you moved to TV, then there is more to it than just geography. Perhaps a lack of maturity on her part. When I asked our children if they minded that we were moving, they were surprised that we would ask that question. I would not dis-suade them from relocating any more than they would do the same to us.

[Matt and Gail]

Originally Posted by stroglass

My married daughter will not speak to me due to this move. Can you share your family reaction to your decision

Thats why we didn't tell them! They still don't know we are gone and its been 2 years

[CFrance]

Originally Posted by Matt and Gail

Thats why we didn't tell them! They still don't know we are gone and its been 2 years

Ha ha! That's what my husband tells people... We moved and didn't leave a forwarding address!!

[Bizdoc]

If I had a child who said that they would not speak to me because I moved, I would simply send them a copy of my new will which removed them from an inheriting.

[patfla06]

We have an only child. When we began seriously looking we called him to tell him.

Was he upset? Yes! We moved him to Tampa when he was 13, his
new wife's family lives right up the road.
When he comes home from N.Y. his room is still intact and his life
here is the same.

He has since been up to T.V. And can now see why we love it so much.
He is having a hard time because HIS life won't be as easy and he
LOVES our Tampa house.
But he does realize we need to live our own lives and make our own choices.

It's always hard to be the one left. Your Parents are a comfort and
support system - no matter how old you get.

I wish you luck and hope your Daughter comes around!

[patfla06]

Originally Posted by zonerboy

When your children are children, your life belongs to them. Once they are grown, you life becomes your own once again. That's the way it works. Period.
Don't let yourself be manipulated by the selfish and passive-aggressive behavior of others.

Well said!

[LorasBetty]

We moved here in June. After reading some of the sad and/or negative reactions of adult children when told about moving to The Villages, I feel very fortunate that our children's reactions were absolutely positive. Our children and grandchildren were all at least five hours from our "up north" home so we didn't see them as often as we would have liked anyway.

Our daughters visited us here in The Villages about a month ago to see for themselves what made mom and dad do something so spontaneous and uncharacteristic. They fell in love with our new home and The Villages just as we did. The older grandchildren asked their parents for cash for Christmas so they could visit grandma and grandpa.

Our son and his family are coming at Christmas time and can't wait to see and experience our new life.

I hope everything works out for you. Moving is stressful enough even with supportive children.

[gomsiepop]

Originally Posted by stroglass

My married daughter will not speak to me due to this move. Can you share your family reaction to your decision

My husband and I have two sons and two daughters. Our oldest daughter refused to speak to me for a few months prior to our moving. It was so hard for me but the die was cast. Our home up North was sold and it was time for us to move. I became extremely depressed and second guessed myself asking my husband what could I have done. The truth is my relationship with my daughter was always difficult and this was just another reason for her to feel I was abandoning her. I have three grandchildren from this daughter so her life is very busy. A year has passed and we are on speaking terms. She has visited with the family twice since I've been here and each time she visits has been difficult. The quality of my life and my husband's life is greatly improved and if I had to do it over again I would still make the same decision.

[renielarson]

Our daughter wasn't so upset with our move from Michigan down here to Florida as she was with us selling her childhood home...the one she grew up in, matured in, dated in, got married in. Not literally, but you know what I mean.

Although she is in her 30s, to this day, she cannot drive past the house she grew up in and the one we sold. That saddens her more than our move. What's ironic is that the young family who bought our home is about her (and her husband's) age and I know they would get along, like each other, and even become socially involved together. However, she refuses to meet them because she wants nothing to do with going back into her home with someone else living there but us!

She loves it here in The Villages and our birthday present to her, every year, is to fly her down for a "getaway". She totally understands why we moved yet it doesn't heal her pain of not having her childhood home there for her to come to.

Our son and family live in Leesburg so he, obviously, has no problem with our move...LOL! We love to babysit the grands whenever we can!

[dotti105]

Wow!

So many different reactions. You know what??? We are actually adults, not just parents and grandparents.

We need to remain active, social and involved. If you build your life around your children, they will grow up and become independent some day. You will be the one left behind and lonely.

One of the reasons the TV appealed to us so much is that we watched our widowed Moms. They each became lonely and bitter as the world kept spinning and their world got smaller and smaller.

My Mom still lives alone, and very lonely, in the home in which she raised us. Her life revolves around FOX news and the Weather channel. Her friends have passed away or are no longer healthy enough to socialize and she is a very lonely, bitter person.

I did not want to turn into my mom, or to leave my husband isolated.

TV offers so very much to enrich our lives in retirement and the opportunity to meet new people and create new relationships, new activities to try and a structure to provide networking and friendship.

3 of our 4 kids are thrilled for us. The daughter who lives in Ca, not so much. She realizes that we won't be as accessible as we have been. But she is happy that we found a place that we love in which to start our retirement. She will just miss us, so we will have to visit more often.

I see more cross country flights in our future, but also fun vacations here for the families and especially the grandkids. Can't wait to take the little ones on their first golf cart ride. What better place to entertain your kids and grandkids!!!

Embrace change and I bet your kids will turn around and realize that you have made a decision that will enrich your lives. And you know what.....We all deserve that after raising our kids and devoting years to our family and careers.

I work with new moms and their premature babies. The "maternal guilt" comes with that first baby and never really leaves.... that is reality. But after your work as a Mom is done and your kids are parents, (or adults at least) you do have the right to put yourself and your marriage first and have the opportunity to really ENJOY your golden years. Guilt Free!! And that is what they would want for themselves, and if they really look at the situation objectively, they will want that for you too.

[Happinow]

My only daughter, who lives in Raleigh, loves to come and visit us. We knew when she was a junior in high school that we would be moving to florida when she graduated from college so it wasn't a shock when we did. What made it easier is when she moved out first! She moved from NYS to Raleigh so she didn't feel like we left her. I'm not sure I could have made the move until she was out on her own which is why it was good that she moved to Raleigh first. Now she, her husband and our granddaughter can't wait to come and visit us and we love that they have such a beautiful place to vacation. When my grand baby gets old enough we will have her spend some time with us in sunny Florida! Thank goodness for FaceTime!!

[DougB]

We were supposed to tell our children?

[Carl in Tampa]

Originally Posted by stroglass

My married daughter will not speak to me due to this move. Can you share your family reaction to your decision

My children would have preferred that I not leave where they could all see me daily in the old family home.

However, there was no anger towards me in making the move.

I surmise that your daughter's anger toward you is based upon her perception that you have taken something away from her (companionship) or by relocating you have abandoned (rejected) her.

Her refusal to speak to you is childish and an attempt at controlling you. Knowing that probably doesn't help much. Perhaps other family members, or even her husband, can explore her feelings with her and find a path of reconciliation.

I hope things improve for you.