[Villages PL]

Originally Posted by DougB

And they call it puuuppyyy looooovve!

Very funny, but, no, one thing I'm sure of is that it's not puppy love. We are both the same gender and he has not expressed any interest in me in the way you might be thinking. But there's nothing wrong with a little comic relief to ease the tension.

[Villages PL]

Originally Posted by PammyJ

I agree! My heart breaks for these people. They have the need to have friends just like we do, but have difficulty doing so because of their lack of social skills. Sometimes it takes a lot of patience to listen to them. I agree with the boundaries being set. This is such a hard call on what to do. I hope you find the solution that you are comfortable with.

Thanks. I know what you mean. It could be a form of Asberger's.

I'm not unsympathetic to whatever the problem is but I just don't think I can deal with it. So I plan on trying to keep a safe distance.

[shcisamax]

Originally Posted by graciegirl

Sometimes when I get a call from one of these two friends, I put it on speaker phone and do the dusting.

You are so resourceful and optimize every situation!

[Taltarzac725]

Originally Posted by Villages PL

Thanks. I know what you mean. It could be a form of Asberger's. He told me that he has a high IQ and that he was a supervisor for a large corporation, the name of which anyone would recognize.

I'm not unsympathetic to whatever the problem is but I just don't think I can deal with it. So I plan on trying to keep a safe distance.

Sounds like a good idea. He just sounds like a man who likes to talk but no reason to take risks if there is something that you find off about the guy. I wish I had listened to my gut instinct for various choices of friends I have made over the years.

[redwitch]

I'm an Aspie and a motormouth. As much as I try, I don't get the clues to shut up. My friends know to just tell me that's enough. Doesn't hurt my feelings and if I'm really interested in what I'm saying, I'll still keep on yammering away. Couldn't stop myself even if I tried. That being said, there is no way I would wait for someone and ask for a ride home.

There are some serious red flags here: The laying in wait, the coming to your home, the veiled comments about his past life. Those are not Aspie traits. We're not that subtle. Not sure what you can do about it at this point. You can't get a restraining order just because someone annoys you. It sounds like you're afraid of what he might do if you tell him to leave you alone, so, until he truly does something, you're between the proverbial rock and hard spot. Maybe you'll get lucky and he'll find someone new bother soon. My sympathies.

BTW -- Most Aspies are not all that verbal, just some of us are. Social clues, especially facial, don't exist to us -- we just can't read when we're irritating someone no matter how much we try. Foot in mouth is very common and there are few verbal inhibitions. Boundaries are not in our mindset. And, no, we don't particularly care if what we say is interesting to you, it is to us and that's enough. (Sorry)

[casita37]

It may not be Asberger's, but it sounds like some sort of illness to me. I am assuming here that the OP and the other gentleman both live in The Villages. Is that right? Do you know where he lives? Does he live alone, or is there a wife, or someone else, whom you could enlist to help? His wife is probably delighted to have him bothering you instead of her, but most likely would step in and try to control him a bit. Otherwise, you may need to let tactfulness out the window and just get "in his face" and tell him to leave you alone. I've had to do that twice in my life.....it worked!!

Good luck, and I hope it's not really something to be worried about, as far as danger....I doubt it, but who knows?

[Easyrider]

Really wondering if this is a real situation?

Most any of us might fit into this annoying persons shoes at one time or the other. Sometimes those that like to talk the most are the same ones most annoyed by others that want to talk a lot..

[CFrance]

Originally Posted by graciegirl

I have two friends who do not take turns. They fail to get the clues that others send out. I know that speech therapists recognize this as a problem for some and work with people to correct it. It probably falls into some unknown category of skills or lack of them like reading faces and body language. Our Helene is very good at both but had trouble academically. She can TELL how you are feeling about things by looking at your face and demeanor. A gift some have and some don't.

Sometimes when I get a call from one of these two friends, I put it on speaker phone and do the dusting.

We all have our problems. Sweetie has me.




OH. You meant me, didn't you Nitehawk?

Ha ha! Sometimes when my dear MIL would call, we would hold the receiver upside down and shake it, so as to get all her words out of it early. Or poke the Siamese cat, who was very vocal and sounded like the baby. Now sometimes when my SIL calls, whoever didn't answer the phone will sometimes leave the room so as not to have the phone handed over to him/her. This is not fair and we love these people, but sometimes the conversation just doesn't end.

It sounds like you have to be very direct with this person, VPL. Let him know you wish to be left alone. It's not rude if he is invading your space and not respecting normal courtesy rules.

[Parker]

It wouldn't hurt to visit the police station and ask their opinion of how to handle potentially harmful people. Perhaps this guy is dangerous, perhaps just very annoying, but how can you know which category he falls into? The hackles on the back of your neck are there for a reason.

[graciegirl]

I think maybe reading a book on etiquette may be more helpful.

No one likes to lie but most of us do commit a few social fibs, side steps and excuses.

Here are some suggestions;

I would love to but I have an appointment.

I was just leaving, I am sorry we can't visit right now.

I can't invite you in, my girlfriend hasn't left and she is shy and she can't find her shoes. We just got her underwear off the chandelier.

I was just going to the market.

I have other plans.

The toilet is clogged and we have a mess, perhaps another time?

I am so sorry but the (choose the opposite political party from his) group are meeting here in a few minutes and I have to run and get candles.

HOWEVER, if your friend is like mine, waiting for them to draw breath so you can actually SAY any of these things may be difficult.

[bfdretired]

i agree.......may not be his fault.......cant help himself

[murray607]

Originally Posted by graciegirl

I think maybe reading a book on etiquette may be more helpful.

No one likes to lie but most of us do commit a few social fibs, side steps and excuses.

Here are some suggestions;

I would love to but I have an appointment.

I was just leaving, I am sorry we can't visit right now.

I can't invite you in, my girlfriend hasn't left and she is shy and she can't find her shoes. We just got her underwear off the chandelier.

I was just going to the market.

I have other plans.

The toilet is clogged and we have a mess, perhaps another time?

I am so sorry but the (choose the opposite political party from his) group are meeting here in a few minutes and I have to run and get candles.

HOWEVER, if your friend is like mine, waiting for them to draw breath so you can actually SAY any of these things may be difficult.

I think that some people just do not take the hints and subtleties we give them. They somehow take the pleasant suggestions as affirmations that there is a relationship.

In these cases we just have to be downright blunt in our responses.

I have had to the "sorry, but I really am not interested in playing golf with you" a couple of times to a loud mouthed individual, who used every profanity in the book while on the golf course. Not that I am by any means a saint, but I do set personal standards and the limits as to what I will tolerate from others. Sorry, but I don't play by their rules.

[rubicon]

There certainly are some imaginative posters here and even though no one knows who this person is the OP has unwittingly subjected this poor guy to unwanted and unwelcome and perhaps unfair scrutiny.

[Villages PL]

Originally Posted by TheVillageChicken

OP, I am a little confused, which is an improvement over most days. Are you saying that you are OK with sharing time and space with this person but you just want them to quit talking so much or do you want them out of your life completely?

Good question! No, talking less would not be enough because of certain things he says. It's also the content of his character that bothers me.

[Villages PL]

Originally Posted by Patty55

From my experience, people with real ties to organized crime don't blab about it to casual "friends". Jerky guys trying to impress a girl will allude to being connected.

Maybe he likes you or maybe he's just a bit loopy.

You are correct; there wasn't any blabbing about it. How about loopy and connected?