What do you call a person that can't fart in public?

A private TUTOR.

Lets go to the submarine races.

Pull my finger

My Dad's favorite: Enough is enough, and too much is sufficient!

OK, this really got me thinking and remembering. I apologize if these have been written already. I've read all the posts but can't remember them all! :icon_wink:

Out with the old; in with the new.
A penny for your thoughts.
Snug as a bug in a rug.
What's that got to do with the price of tea in China??
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!
She's got a little hitch in her git-along.
Crazy as a bed bug.
And you can take that to the bank!
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!
Son of a gun! (Joey Bishop show)
Speak now and forever hold your peace.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
Put a lid on it!
Where's the fire?
Phony as a two dollar bill.
Out on a limb
Who died and made you boss?

And now,
Good night; sleep tight; don't let the bed bugs bite!

He doesn't have two nickels to rub together.

He doesn't have a pot to p**s in and a window to throw it out.

Brother, can you spare a dime.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder.

My get up and go got up and went.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

If you believe that, I've got a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you.

Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works better if the salt accompanies a Margarita.

Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date.

Up a creek without a paddle.

Butter my butt and call me a biscuit.

When you assume you make an as* out of u and me.

I wasn't born yesterday.

Here's a real nasty one...

Sh*t fire and a red as*ed mule.

When you need to go to the bathroom...There's one at the gate.

Few women admit their age, few men act theirs.

When there's a will I want to be in it.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

The grass is greener on the other side.

Where there is a will, there are relatives.

Honk if you want to see my finger.

Bumper sticker read, "Honk if you love Jesus".

He honked and the religious bumper sticker guy flipped him the bird.

True story.

A nice quote is "It doesn't cost anything to be nice"

Thank you. :smiley:

Back to the salt mine.

what's cookin good lookin

I'll see around like a donut and so long just like a crueller.

I've given this a good deal of thought and think I'm going to ask for a little help on this one. :)

How about: "Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs"

My dear old Kentucky Daddy.

Nervous as a ho in church?

--->
 

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater!

nervous as a porcupine in a balloon factory

How do you milk a porcupine? Very carefully.

Old sayings
 

Hi!
I'm a wannabe newbe,

Laura and Rob Petri came from New Rochelle, not too far from Danbury,Ct, but located in Westchester, NY.

Back on track-
My mother use to tell me " you're like six sheets in the wind."

:welcome: to TOTV. :smiley: Keep on posting.

Back on track:

You're as funny as a fart in a spacesuit.

I don't let people rent space in my head.

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.

Don't know if these are in here already, but here goes:

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Hell's bells.

Do you think I'm made of money?

Cut of your nose to spite your face.

Do you think money grows on trees?

I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard that phrase.

what am I - chopped liver?