Taken off of the Internet--


How Many Lawyers Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?



Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i. e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:


The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.


Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.


Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."

[rjsjr]

The real answer is simple: None, the secretary does it!!

[redwitch]

Nah, the secretary is gonna have the file clerk do it. We're too busy listening to the attorney have a temper tantrum cause the lightbulb burned out (after typing the above contract, correcting the grammar and revising it for the 20th odd time).

[SteveZ]

Tal,

I didn't notice any cites to

1. OSHA regulations regarding the "chair" use,
2. EPA regulations regarding illumination and its effect on the topography,
3. State/Local regulations or codes regarding who is authorized to make what kind of changes/modifications/additions to electrical devices, or
4. Manufacturing standards to define who/what qualifies to be a "party of the second part"

Looks to me like insufficient billable hours have been devoted to this answer, which could result in few billable hours in the future counseling the client on downstream litigation risk and possible exposure to governmental action.

(LOL) VERY GOOD ! ! ! ! !

[rjsjr]

No cites!!! Evidently the secretary wasn't doing her job!!

[redwitch]

Excuse me??? This is a CONTRACT, not a brief. We'll leave the cites for the litigation, tyvm.

sheesh ... some people! You would THINK an attorney worrying about CLE credits would know that.

(Be very careful when blaming "the secretary!" The secretary might "accidently" leave out a "not" or two.)

[SteveZ]

Originally Posted by redwitch

Excuse me??? This is a CONTRACT, not a brief. We'll leave the cites for the litigation, tyvm.

sheesh ... some people! You would THINK an attorney worrying about CLE credits would know that.

(Be very careful when blaming "the secretary!" The secretary might "accidently" leave out a "not" or two.)

Let's see - offer, acceptance, performance (without standards), but no consideration - still needs work. MANY billable hours to go...., especially to resolve the options.

Nahhh, let them go ahead with it as-is. Breach is inevitable by one or the other, and then off to litigation we go....

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All kidding aside, has anyone looked into County Court Mediation here? From the experience and the writings I've seen on these boards, there are several who would do good at it. I did it in Seminole County for a couple years and it's an interesting time. I don't think Sumter is set up for it (could be wrong on this), but you don't have to live in a particular county to "work" that court - and it's an interesting way to find out who not to do business with...