[chuck90199]

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," I said. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with another man, and then my dog bit me. I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all.”

“So,” I continued, “I buy a drink, drop a capsule in, and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!”

"But, enough about me, how are you doing?"

[Ecuadog]

Love it.

[Nucky]

Bravo! Keep 'Em Coming.

[tedquick]

That's my kind of humor! Thanks.

[Barefoot]

Originally Posted by chuck90199

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," I said. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with another man, and then my dog bit me. I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all.”

“So,” I continued, “I buy a drink, drop a capsule in, and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!”

"But, enough about me, how are you doing?"

[ColdNoMore]

A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The Screwdriver responds, "You have a drink named Murray?"

[ColdNoMore]

And for our restaurant posters/critics. .


Guy walks into a bar and sits at a table. Tells the waitress, "I'll have a Bloody Mary and a menu." When she returns with his drink, he asks "Still servin' breakfast?" When she says Yes, he replies, "Then I'll have two eggs-runny on top and burnt on the bottom, five strips of bacon ON END-well done on one end and still raw on the other, two pieces of burnt toast and a cold cup of coffee." Indignantly the waitress says, "We don't serve that kinda stuff in here!" Guy says, "Funny... that's what I had in here yesterday..."

[ColdNoMore]

E-flat walks into a bar, The bartender says, sorry, we don't serve minors......

[ColdNoMore]

A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whiskey. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?" The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging." "Hanging? Who are they hanging?" "Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.

"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked. "Well," said the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."
"Weird guy," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"





"Rustling," said the bartender.

[ColdNoMore]

So a guy walks into a bar after a round of golf and sits down at a table opposite a flashily dressed blonde who says to him" I'm a hooker" and he says "well, if you turn your hands on the shaft a little bit to the left... you'll tend more towards a slice.

[ColdNoMore]

A guy walks into a bar and sees a horse tending bar, apron and all, wiping out a glass. He stares at the horse for a minute without saying a word. The horse returns the stare and breaks the silence by asking, "Hey buddy, what's the matter? You can't believe that a horse can tend bar?"

"No", the guys says, "I can't believe that the ferret sold the place."

[ColdNoMore]

A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.

[ColdNoMore]

A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. After his first sip, he hears a high-pitched voice.

"Hey mister! Nice pants!" it says.

He looks around, doesn’t see anything, and quickly shrugs it off. After a little bit, he takes another sip and hears the voice again.

“Hey mister! Sweet shoes!”

Again, he looks around, sees nothing but a bartender who is busy attending to other customers. Shaking his head, he sips once more.

“Hey mister! Cool shirt!”

He puts down his drink, frustrated at this phantom voice, and signals to the bartender, who comes over.

“Hey barkeep,” he begins, “what is that high-pitched voice I keep hearing?”




“Oh, those are the peanuts,” he replies. “They’re complimentary.”

[ColdNoMore]

Two peanuts walk into a bar.

One was a salted.

[ColdNoMore]

So a guy walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables around his neck. The bartender looks at him and says gruffly, " All right, pal, I'll let you stay but don't start anything."