Some very classy insults--oldies but goodies

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  #16  
Old 07-28-2023, 06:17 AM
bsloan1960 bsloan1960 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CFrance View Post
Add one of your own.
1. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;
Bring a friend, if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.

"Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second...If there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.

2. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease."
· "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

3. "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

4. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow

5. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

6."Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas

7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain

8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."
- Oscar Wilde

9. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop

10."He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright

11. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb

12. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson

13. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating

14. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand

15. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker

16. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain

17. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West

18. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde

19. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

20. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder

21. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx.

22."He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
"May the fleas of 1000 camels infest your sister's mustache" (Johnny Carson)
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  #17  
Old 07-28-2023, 07:55 AM
golfing eagles golfing eagles is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bsloan1960 View Post
"May the fleas of 1000 camels infest your sister's mustache" (Johnny Carson)
Alternatively, from Carson, "May a weird holy man shave a diseased yak in your party dip".
  #18  
Old 07-28-2023, 07:52 PM
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Last edited by JohnN; 07-28-2023 at 08:24 PM.
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Old 07-28-2023, 08:12 PM
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Belle: Gaston, you are positively primeval.
Gaston: Why, thank you, Belle.
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