[Trish Crocker]

evidence of why men should not be able to retire!


What a retired husband does




After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her

on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most

men, I found shopping boring and preferred to

get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife

is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following

letter from the local Target.


Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your

husband has caused quite a commotion in our

store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have

been forced to ban both of you from the store..

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel,

are listed below and are documented by our video

surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other

people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute

intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's

restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,

'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned

station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union

grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a

bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted

area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children

shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department

to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ' Why can't

you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror

while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the

antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible'

theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by

using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK

ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal

position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not

least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then

yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed

out.

[2BNTV]

Good one Trish.

The first paragraph is so true.

[Dennis Ga]

[hedoman]

[rubicon]

Being one of those troublesome husbands and having a high powered, mission seeking, on sale detective of a wife have blanketed every store within a 100 mile radius with a letter of demands beginning with a comfortable chair, TV and snacks to carry me through the hours while she hunts down just one item that both is pleasing to the eye and to her sense of what is a fair price. I will admit that when I did try to keep pace with her while anticipating when she would pivot and when she would turn saw no need to visit the health center for a few days. Every shopping excursion ended the same way by her asking me , with a grin, why I trailed behind her while entering the store but was 100 yards ahead of her when leaving?

[Trish Crocker]

My husband carrys his Droid...I'll turn around and see him behind me, intently doing SOMETHING on the Droid (game?? checking where exits are???). I find it funny, he looks like a 12 year old with a game boy!

[uujudy]

Originally Posted by Trish Crocker

My husband carrys his Droid...I'll turn around and see him behind me, intently doing SOMETHING on the Droid (game?? checking where exits are???). I find it funny, he looks like a 12 year old with a game boy!

Trish, maybe he's checking the shopping list? I have an "Our Groceries" app for my phone, and it's set up for Grocery store, Sam's Club, Drugstore, Card Shop, Bookstore... Come to think of it, I probably look like a 12 year old with a game boy when I'm shopping! lol

[rubicon]

Reading these posts gives me an idea. I think I am going to carry my putter and two or three golf balls when my wife takes me shopping

[texasfal]

I have the opposite problem. My husband LOVES to shop. Doesn't matter what for - groceries, clothes, tires, cards - he just loves it. I, on the other hand, HATE to shop and will avoid it at any cost. All my Christmas shopping is done online. I really hate shopping on Black Friday. So if anyone wants a man to go shopping with, I'll loan them my husband.