Chuckle Of The Day
 

A farm boy accidentally overturned a wagon of corn on the road. A nearby farmer saw the accident and went over to have a look and found the boy trying to right the tipped wagon.

"Hey Willie," the farmer said. "Forget your troubles for a spell... it's late, come have dinner with us. I'll help you with that wagon after we eat."

"That's mighty nice of you, but Pa won't like that," Willie replied.

"Aw, come on son. Take a break," the farmer insisted.

"Well, okay," the boy finally agreed. "But Pa won't like it."

After a hearty meal, Willie thanked the farmer. "I feel a lot better now, but I just know that Pa will be upset."

"Nonsense," the farmer said. "Where is your pa anyway?"

"Under the wagon."

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

2007 Tax Return
Dear Internal Revenue Service:

Enclosed you will find my 2007 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached article from the USA Today newspaper; dated 12 November, wherein you will see the Pentagon (Department of Defense) is paying $171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet
seat.

I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and six (6) hammers valued @ $1,029), which I secured at Home Depot, bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00. Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund,"as noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending them one (1) 1.5" Phillips Head screw (see aforementioned article from USA Today newspaper detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws). One screw is enclosed for your convenience.

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely,
A Satisfied Taxpayer
Jerry Steinfeld

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder


I just wanted to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD (Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder). This is how it goes...

I decide to do the laundry, start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I'm going to do the laundry ... BUT FIRST I'm going to read the newspaper.

After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack ... BUT FIRST I'll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes.

Now where is the checkbook? Oops, there's an empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that checkbook ... BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink.

I head for the kitchen, look out the window, and notice my poor flowers need a drink of water. I put the glass in the sink and there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What's it doing here? I'll just put it away ... BUT FIRST I need to water those plants. I head for the door and, aaaagh! Stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants ... BUT FIRST I need to feed the cat.

END OF DAY: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control. And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because ... I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!

I realize this condition is serious ... I'll get help. BUT FIRST ... I think I'll check my e-mail.

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Three elderly men, great friends from the local church congregation, were asked:

"When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say? "

Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a
Fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."

Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher
and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."

Don said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal,
Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's
roommate, Rachel, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a
relationship between Brian and Rachel, and this had only made her more
curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, she
started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Rachel than met the
eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you Rachel and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Rachel came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle;
You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but
I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure.

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mom:

I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not
saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that
one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
Brian

Several days la ter, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Rachel, I'm not saying that you "do
not" sleep with Rachel. But the fact remains that if Rachel is sleeping in
her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love,
Mom

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

DO NOT lose your Grandkids in the Mall!

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.

He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"

The cop asked, "What's he like?"

The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,
"Crown Royal whiskey and women with big boobs."

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all
talking one day.

Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most
beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."

Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest
person in the world."

So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World
Records to have their claims verified.

Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking
deliriously happy.

"It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now
officially the smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly
confused and says, "Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell?"

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Okay guys...Take this test!!! It is called The Think Test....

http://www.oldjoeblack.0nyx.com/thinktst.htm

Those are all great!!! :#1:

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Gopher Broke. If you saw the movie Ice Age and liked it....you like this. I suppose some will say....geez John...grow-up. My reply....nevahhh! This is cute.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BN0a...elated&search=

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to
and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to
approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the
husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea
about her hearing loss.

"Here's what you do," said the Doctor,
"stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal
conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not,
go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking
dinner, and he was in the den.

He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see
what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey,
what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30
feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for
dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20
feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet
away.

"Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is no r esponse.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for
dinner?"
(I just love this)...........





" Ralph , for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!"

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

gryoung ...I love that one!!! :bigthumbsup: ;D

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

gr....you just described me. Man: "I just got a new hearing and it set me back a bundle". Friend: "What kind is it?" Man: "Oh....about 6 o'clock...why?"

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Thoughts for Today
http://www3.telus.net/public/a7a55952/thoughts.htm

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Second Career

Tom was in his early 50's, retired and started a second career.

However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day,
5, 10,15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the
Boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he
called him into the office for a talk.
"Tom, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up
job, but you're being late so often is quite bothersome.'

"Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's
odd though, you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Air
Force.What did they say if you came in late there?"

"They said, "Good morning, General."

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

I know this thread is getting long in the tooth but just one more...

THE BROTHEL!!!


The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.


"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.

"No. I must see Valerie," he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row -- too expensive -- and there were no discounts. The price was still $5,000.

Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.

The man replied, "South Carolina."

"Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."

"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:

1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Three dead bodies

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles
on their faces. The coroner calls the police to ask them what
happened.

The Coroner tells the Inspector, "The first body is a 72 year old
Frenchman. He died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence
the enormous smile."

"The second body is an Irishman, 25 years of age. He won a thousand
dollars on the lottery and spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol
poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Nancy
Pelosi, Speaker of the House, age 66, struck by lightning."

"Why is she smiling then," inquires the Inspector.

"She thought she was having her picture taken!"

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO ACHIEVE A HAPPIER LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time
to time, cleans and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to
you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be
with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

U.S. Navy Chief Petty Officer Saves The Life of an Air Force LtCol During
Horse-Back Riding Mishap

Yet another unselfish act of heroism performed by a man wearing Anchors:

An Air Force LtCol decides to try horseback riding, even though he has
had no lessons or prior experience. He mounts the horse, unassisted, and
the horse immediately springs into action. As it gallops along at a
steady and rhythmic pace, the LtCol begins to slip from the saddle. In
terror, he grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot get a firm grip. He
tries to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he slides down the
side of the horse anyway!

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its' slipping rider.
Finally, losing his frail grip, the LtCol attempts to leap away from the
horse and throw himself to safety. Unfortunately, his foot becomes
entangled in the stirrup, and he is now at the mercy of the horse's
pounding hooves as his head is struck against the ground over and over
and over.

As his head is battered against the ground and he is mere moments away
from unconsciousness, to his great fortune, a Navy Chief shopping at
Wal-Mart, sees him and quickly unplugs the horse.

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV, hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello, son is your Grandma home?"

The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

The minister fainted.

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Perfect Diet


A woman asks her husband, "Would you like some bacon and eggs? A slice
of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?"

He declines.

"Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now.

It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my
appetite."

At lunchtime she asked him if he would like something.
"A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines.

"The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.

"Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or
maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again.

"No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra....I'm still not hungry."

Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving."

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
facelift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had
someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make
the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing
the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43
years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"



(You'll love this!!!)



God replied: "I didn't recognize you."

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Medicare in a Nutshell

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."

"Mrs. Ward, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory.
When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a
biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain
which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or
terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the
other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your
husbands."

"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward.

"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests
one time."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off
somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't
sleep with him."

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

At a nursing home in the N.J, Seaside, a group of Senior
Citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments:
"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,"
said one.

"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my
coffee," replied another.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,"
said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,".... another went on.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced
an old man as he slowly shook his head. Then there was a
short moment of silence.

"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully.
"Thank God we can all still drive."

"And maybe fly helicopters!" ;D

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

:bigthumbsup:

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

gryoung....I knew what you were doing..I thought it was cute!! 8)

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

MURPHY'S NEW LAWS

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.
8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

[color=navy]Growing Old Together

A couple in their nineties, are both having problems remembering things.
During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay,
but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks. "Will you get me a
Bowl of ice cream?" "Sure." "Don't you think you should write it down so
you can remember it?" she asks. "No, I can remember it." "Well, I'd
like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down,
so's not to forget it?" He says, "I can remember that. You want a
bowl of ice cream with strawberries." "I'd also like whipped cream.
I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks. Irritated,
he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream
with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!

Then he toddles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and
Hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment. "Where's my toast ?"

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Tony Soprano told this joke and I thought it was cute -- enjoy!


An Italian walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Italy on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for
the loan, so the Italian handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Italian produced the title and
everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral
for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Italian returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your
business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Italian replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Ah, the Italians...

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Three generations of men are playing golf one day and their 4th is a beautiful, voluptuous woman.

On the 18th green, the woman has a 40' putt for her first Eagle ever. Wanting desperately to make this eagle putt, she says to the 3 men, "to whichever one of you can give me the right line to this putt...so that I make it, I will give them the BEST time of their lives tonight".


The young son, eagerly approaches her ball, surveys it from all angles and pronounces that, "it will go down the incline and break slightly from left to right at about 2" from the hole".


The Dad is next and he too studies the approach from all angles and proclaims, "no, I don't think so, there's another slight incline after the first and I say the ball will break right to left about 1 foot from the hole".


Grandpa, stands steadfast, doesn't survey the ball or the line it may take, and simply says, "it's a gimme"!!!


AHHHH the wisdom of age!!!! ;D

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

[color=navy]The Zen of Sarcasm

01. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

02. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

03. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

04. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

05. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

06. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

07. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

08. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

09. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10 Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.!

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

My wife tells me that many of these jokes are "men's humor." OK, so here's one for the ladies....

Women Beware (funny)

Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidney was
stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney story was
an urban legend, this one is not. It's happening every day.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just
that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs.
The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a
cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and
what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally,
hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in sweats and Sheer Energy
pantyhose. Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again.

My ass was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match
my new rear end to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. I couldn't believe that my
new ass was attached at least t hree inches lower than my original. Now, my rear
complemented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.

It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was
fixing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms
swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary.
My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and how fiendish.

Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up, unnoticed, something
like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair,
I gave up my T-shirts.

What could they do to me next?

My poor neck suddenly disappeared faster than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled.
That's why I decided to tell my story. I can't take on the medical profession by myself.
Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee. That really i sn't plastic that those
surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don't you?

The next time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted", look again. Was it lifted from you?
I think I finally found my thighs, and I hope that Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!

This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and
they were gone! As I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in
my armpits as I slept.

Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded: "Oh.! Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"
He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone."

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

Don't know if anyone has found anything humorous here over the past month. It's probably time to begin a new thread...well maybe tomorrow being June 1st.

Some Thoughts ....

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.

13. Think about this. No one ever says "It's only a game" when his team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of OLD LADIES running around with tattoos and RAP music will be the Golden Oldies?

18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.

19. After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.

Re: Chuckle Of The Day
 

A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in
front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got
out, a truck came along too close to the curb and completely tore off
the driver's door.

Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the
accident and pulled up behind the Porsche, his lights flashing. But,
before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started
screaming hysterically about how his Porsche, which he had just picked
up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the
same, no matter how hard the body shop will try to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his
head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are
so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important
things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Didn't you even realize that your left arm is
missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!"

"OH, MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer.

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"MY ROLEX!"

Re: Chuckle Of The Day