[chachacha]

i don't presume to speak for patty, the contributor of the picnic phrase which wrought such wonderful speculation, but what i THINK she meant, is one is saving their best china (their intimacy) for the really important person, the ONE! but sometimes we find that the person we THOUGHT was the ONE was only a picnic and here we have used our best on the wrong person! is that what you implied, patty? i think we have all been there! (except rubicon)

[aljetmet]

Originally Posted by graciegirl

I AM sorry and it was my attempt at humor. the cow thing. As a kid we had an Aunt Lil and that was her favorite saying to all of us nieces. I really meant to inject humor. and you are also right. I am married. I shouldn't be posting on this thread.

I just admire the heck out of Chachacha. She is beautiful and so interesting and smart and fun and principled. I am a tiny bit in awe of her. But every community needs a Yetta. Isn't that the name of the matchmaker from Fiddler on the Roof?

The matchmaker's name was Yenta which means a nosey body.

I respond because both my wife's and my mother's name was Yetta.

[chachacha]

i have always called myself a yenta because i love to match people up, and have had some success at it...my jewish dear friend told me it did not mean a matchmaker, but a nosey body, as the last post said...i think a matchmaker has to be a bit of a nosey body to get results... just sayin....

[mgjim]

I think it is really frustrating to start over after the loss of a particularly beloved spouse. My wife died nearly five years ago after 27 years of marriage. Almost immediately, many well-meaning friends suggested that I start looking for someone else in order to avoid long term grief. My sons even suggested trying out an online dating service. I wasn't so sure but finally I signed up for two dating services.
I was very honest and clear about what kind of relationship I was looking for and was very clear that I believed sexual intimacy was something that would have to evolve and that I was not interested in beginning a new relationship in that way. Frankly, I was looking to develop a friendship over common interests and was again clear that I believe friendship could evolve into a more loving relationship (a committed one, like the pig).
I was shocked at how few women were interested in this. Most of those who responded said they were looking for love, kind of like they were, I suppose, when they were teenagers. Needless to say, I stopped looking and started to realize that I may live my life alone until I am able to meet someone who doesn't want to move in with me, marry me, or commit to a sexual relationship with me until we both think the time is right.
Maybe this relates to the frustration Chachacha feels when she relates this as a moral issue. I think it is about morality too but I also think it’s a sign of the times that is really disturbing. Are we so lonely that we need to sacrifice everything for immediate and superficial intimacy or are we just deluding ourselves that sex is all we want? Or are we just a bunch of horny seniors?

[chachacha]

thank you for that thoughtful post. unless people have experienced trying to be a single, they think it is all fun and games and exciting dates...your post hits on the reality of it...appreciate your serious input after all our joking.

[Patty55]

Originally Posted by chachacha

i don't presume to speak for patty, the contributor of the picnic phrase which wrought such wonderful speculation, but what i THINK she meant, is one is saving their best china (their intimacy) for the really important person, the ONE! but sometimes we find that the person we THOUGHT was the ONE was only a picnic and here we have used our best on the wrong person! is that what you implied, patty? i think we have all been there! (except rubicon)

Yes, it's wasting something valuable on someone who doesn't understand that it is valuable and frankly doesn't care. It's about intimacy, trust, honesty and being on the same page.

Now that we cleared that up, everyone please stop emailing me pictures of their dinnerware patterns.

[nr111504]

Great Topic.
Until I meet the right guy for a committed relationship I too believe in abstinence. I only dated once and ended it because I wouldn't take the next step. I just don't wish to go there with anyone. Marriage? I would love to remarry but their are a lot of financial and family matters that come up at our age. I get the feeling that a lot of people have become "Loosey Goosey"

[momesu]

I'm very much enjoying reading this thread. Lots of good comments and some very thoughtful people here. Thanks Chacha for starting it.

[chachacha]

thank you and i have been gratified by all the conversation we got going here...hope some of you who are reading will also start some other topics and keep our forum interesting. for example, today as a single woman i had to hook up my comcast xfinity boxes, a chore which i had procrastinated on for weeks! with the threat of losing all my stations looming, i rose to the task...now that i am done, after much grumbling and stress, i have about twenty more stations than i had before, free of charge, so i am feeling very proud of myself! they told me the free stations were part of the xfinity change....we ladies dread these jobs...maybe some of the guys do, too? someone want to start a thread about this subject? just push "start new thread" on the major singles page!

and, if anyone wants a celibate senior support group, please pm me!

[Villages PL]

Originally Posted by chachacha

i wonder if there are enough other people out there who feel as i do that it might be possible to form a singles support group for those who want to remain celibate until marriage.

Chacha, you're too nice to say anything, so I'll say it: In case anyone is wondering, or forgot, the above sentence clearly states what this thread is about. Why married people would get on here to talk about their marriages and then other married people come on to congratulate them, one after another, is beyond me.

My answer: Yes, a celibate-singles support group sounds like a great idea.

[momesu]

Originally Posted by Villages PL

Chacha, you're too nice to say anything, so I'll say it: In case anyone is wondering, or forgot, the above sentence clearly states what this thread is about. Why married people would get on here to talk about their marriages and then other married people come on to congratulate them, one after another, is beyond me.

My answer: Yes, a celibate-singles support group sounds like a great idea.

I agree!

[jannd228]

Good post. I believe we should become friends before anything else in a male/female relationship. This is a very interesting thread

[chachacha]

well, if anyone wants to form a small support group, please pm me and i will host the first meeting at my home to get started....moral support is a good thing...

[billgg]

Actually Cha3, there already are groups for singles where sex is neither here nor there, as their intent is to share having a good time doing something that they enjoy (like golf, eating out, arts, dancing, visiting somewhere, etc.) In the Villages, for example, there are such groups or clubs as the Villages Convertible Club (but you need to have a convertible car), or the American Singles Golf Association (Villages Chapter), or the MeetUp groups (not necessarily limited to Villagers), etc, etc. That said, other groups and dating websites are not geared toward celibacy,(probably 99.9+% of them (at least I have not found a single (no pun intended) other profile on POF that is... other than yours). So, perhaps if you are seeking to meet people who are also celibate until marriage, POF may not be the best place to be looking. I would stick to the local activity groups that are focused on the activities that they promote (be that sports, arts, cuisine, etc) and not so much 'dating'... or to singles groups in a church as Carm310 suggested.. Best of luck in your search. Your profile does not mention an interest in golf, so the ASGA probably would not interest you. I would suggest that you read the Recreation News (comes in the Thursday Happy News, or can be obtained at any of the Rec. Centers) and there look up all the clubs and groups that are having a meeting in that coming week, and thereby select the ones that appeal to you, and call their coordinator, Membership Chair or Social Chair (listed contact name and number) and talk to them as to whether you and their members would make a good fit. Chances are in The Villages it will always be yes, as noone has to do anything here, that they don't want to, and most people are OK with that. Even those like me that are looking for a wife or S.O. for a committed and monogamous relationship, but are not celibate, will be very frank with you, but also respect your right to choose your conscience. If you need any help in locating groups, write and I will be glad to help you get in touch with them. Oh... and you can usually also go to sit at one of their meetings before deciding to join them or not. Best wishes.

Bill

[ConeyIsBabe]

IMHO this has been the most interesting discussion on all of TOTV. Of course, celibacy at our age is a very personal decision based on religion, moral character, circumstances, medical condition, ETC.