[kittygilchrist]

I'm going to say this to nobody in particular on the subject of making friends in TV. I'm someone who knows what it is to avoid social contact and isolate oneself due to anxiety, depression, low self esteem.

If I thought TV would fix me, it has not. Wherever I go, there I am. What TV has done is give me every possible opportunity to overcome social avoidance by taking risks. It's working for me.

If it isn't working for you after you've done all you know to do to get friendships going, and you are not able to take risks to engage with people, I speak from experience professionally and personally when I suggest counseling. Some of us need medications to stabilize the emotions. Or you can go on like that forever thinking it isn't you.

[SALYBOW]

When you hear people talking about doing different activities ask it thay ever need subs and offer to be a sub. You could also try to set something up with them with you included.
It can be hard to get into a group but it sounds as if you have a foursome going just from this post. Good Luck.

[2BNTV]

Have you tried joining clubs like the Boston RedSox Club?

I am a Yankee fan and I enjoyed going to the Yankee fan club in TV. I understand the Boston Redsox club has a thousand members.

[irishamr]

I for one, agree with you. Have been here 5+years and have no friendship base. To me, The Villages is the most unfriendly place.

[Bruiser1]

Originally Posted by mgjim

Bosoxfan,

I'm sure you know about the connection between the Red Sox and Minneapolis Millers in the late 50's and the current co-location of the Red Sox and Twins in Fort Myers. If you ever want to go to a game together, let me know. I'll be in The Villages as early as February 2013.

Jim

Nice Avatar/logo.

You may be interested in Joining the Minnesota Club. We took a trip Fort Meyers to see the Twins vs some team from New York City. I can't remember their name but it was the same team that Billy Martin came from
(and Roy Smalley & Graig Nettles went to).
It was a lot of fun and you are right on top of the action.

[JP]

Originally Posted by kittygilchrist

I'm going to say this to nobody in particular on the subject of making friends in TV. I'm someone who knows what it is to avoid social contact and isolate oneself due to anxiety, depression, low self esteem.

If I thought TV would fix me, it has not. Wherever I go, there I am. What TV has done is give me every possible opportunity to overcome social avoidance by taking risks. It's working for me.

If it isn't working for you after you've done all you know to do to get friendships going, and you are not able to take risks to engage with people, I speak from experience professionally and personally when I suggest counseling. Or you can go on like that forever thinking it isn't you.

Right on Kitty! I couldn't agree more.

Almost everything that happens to you is self induced. If you don't like how things are going, change yourself, your attitude, and your behavior or find someone to help you do it.

[ilovetv]

It sounds like team sports choosing their team members here have not changed since we were in jr. high and some of us were always the "loser" nobody wanted on their team.

I don't rely on sports or other activities for friends here or anywhere, because people are territorial and somewhat cliquish by nature. They have their pals and favorites who will come to their beck and call.

My friends are neighbors who are right here in our courtyard villas, where people are out in their driveways conversing and admiring/petting each others' dogs. No need to "break into" a group this way, because we're already "in" it by just walking out the door, and we get probably 6 emails per week from neighborhood social planners about events we can do together, like driveway parties and golf scrambles.

Maybe moving to a friendlier, less pretentious neighborhood is in order?

Also, taking classes is a great way to meet other people with like interests and intellect.

[manaboutown]

Making new friends, or at least acquaintances is a snap for some folks and difficult for others. If a person has moved a few times during their lives and made friends at their new locations it should be easy to do so in The Villages. If a person is quiet and shy making new friends can be difficult.

On my last visit I made a new friend before I even got out of my rental car. It was 10:00 pm. A guy was walking his dog and I was trying to find my rental house using my GPS. He noticed me and came over, said "Welcome to The Villages" and pointed out the house. We had quite a conversation until the property manager showed up and let me in. I got to know him over the time I spent there. Nice guy!

[dotti105]

Kitty, I think you gave some sound advice based on your experience both professionally and personally. And I feel that you presented it thoughtfully and with sensitivity.

Bosox, you will be our neighbor when we get our house built and we can't wait to meet you and your wife! I think you are 1 door down from us. We will be one of the last houses built and will need some help getting settled in and learning the ropes.

We are anxious to meet you and I bet you won't have any trouble getting Bill to join you for golf and we would love to do dinner. Let's plan on it!

[graciegirl]

I think that people post on here according to their life experiences and I also think that our level of comfort with others is pretty much pre determined at birth. Some people find it easy to interact with others and some don't. I found a very strange combination when teaching that most shy children are usually stubborn and they have at least one parent with the same difficulty. I found that backed up when I read the epoch book called Shyness by Phillip Zimbardo.

That said, we do NOT all carry with us the same criteria for friends, some are only comfortable with a certain flavor and some like and enjoy pretty much everyone.

I have found that my offers to get together with people who post on here that they are lonely have had no success. I recognize loneliness and I am SO blessed to have not one but two compatible and enjoyable housemates.

There is a valid recent study that says that seniors have more depression than the general population and it may be linked to low levels of Serotonin. I also feel that many people do NOT seek treatment for sadness as they feel it is a character weakness.

I know that many kind and warm and loving people stand at the ready to reach out and welcome anyone who is having a bit of problem finding nice folks to talk to.

We are all the same people we always were for the most part, only older and we all need people to care about and to care about us.

Kitty's assumption that some need professional medical help is valid. We have had at least two suicides in the last few months in The Villages.

[Barefoot]

Originally Posted by kittygilchrist

I'm going to say this to nobody in particular on the subject of making friends in TV. I'm someone who knows what it is to avoid social contact and isolate oneself due to anxiety, depression, low self esteem.

If I thought TV would fix me, it has not. Wherever I go, there I am. What TV has done is give me every possible opportunity to overcome social avoidance by taking risks. It's working for me.

If it isn't working for you after you've done all you know to do to get friendships going, and you are not able to take risks to engage with people, I speak from experience professionally and personally when I suggest counseling. Some of us need medications to stabilize the emotions. Or you can go on like that forever thinking it isn't you.

It's a wise woman who knows herself. Your post was honest and heartfelt.

[kittygilchrist]

Originally Posted by Midvale

Interesting thread! Guess I will find out for myself 12 days from now; I don't know anyone down there. I figure I'll meet people at the pools, squares & taverns (and when I get lost in my golf cart).

so Midvale posted this over a year ago. He's here now, and I call him Ron and have gotten to know him through singles events at our homes and eating out. Hey Ron, you are so funny! :-D

[Midvale]

STILL getting lost...

Originally Posted by kittygilchrist

so Midvale posted this over a year ago. He's here now, and I call him Ron and have gotten to know him through singles events at our homes and eating out. Hey Ron, you are so funny! :-D

[Barefoot]

Originally Posted by Bosoxfan

Well it' a year and a half later & not much has changed.If I want to golf I go by myself. Once in a while I'm invited to join in but only as a last resort.Still love the lifestyle!

Do you go to the dogpark, DDRR? It's a great place to meet like-minded people.

[Jejuca]

Bosoxfan - I think I understand what you are saying. There is a difference between acquaintances and real friends. Acquaintances are people I know from around The Villages - stop and talk to or play a game with - and then we go our separate ways. Friends are the people I hang out with!
Guess you are celebrating today.