Hate to image living life without my spouse. However, I don't think I would move back north. I don't want to live in a large metro area again. For one thing, moving is strenuous and I don't want to deal with it again in my life. For another, I have met and made friends with people here. I do have friends in the city where I'm from but everyone is spread out so far, just visiting is difficult. I keep in touch with them via FB, messenger, emails or phone calls. I can see my friends here by just a walk or in my golf cart or playing golf. We all have old age in common. Our children are all grown and have their own lives. I wouldn't want to impose and make their lives much more difficult. We have a will dividing our possessions among them and they are aware of who gets what. So, God willing, I will stay and deal with the sadness and loneliness. No matter where you are, it's not something you get over, it's just something you get through.

I’ve lived here as a 6 month snowbird with my spouse for 15 years. We enjoyed many activities as a couple. After his passing, many of those activities were not an option for me. Some “friends” included me for a while, others not at all. There are many activities for singles available if you choose to participate. But many of those participating are looking for a partner. In general many aspects of the Villages are geared toward couples e. g. Cart fees, golf or tennis priority membership. I pay as much for my cart fee as a household with 2 or three carts in use simultaneously.

I would move to On TOP OF THE WORLD in Ocala

That's what my dad thought too since he was healthy and had family history of living into the upper nineties. Died at 80 6 yrs ago and mom is still here with all her health problems.

The person who does things by them self may want to be alone. Recent widows and widowers sometimes prefer to be by themselves. Just depends on the person. Grief manifests very differently from person to person. I'm curious about your comment that TV does not offer the same lifestyle for singles. What do you mean by that?

We finally retired and moved here permanently in May after owning our house for 4 years. This is something we will need to talk about. My first thought is that either of us would stay when the other dies.

We had a neighbor here whose wife died about 10 years. He had remained very happy here after she died. He told us numerous times that he would stay and die here instead of moving back to Indiana. He wanted to stay here because his wife had died here and he felt her presence. His family was always after him to move back. He went home for Thanksgiving last year and ended up being alone most of the time while his family seemingly ignored him (we learned this from a neighbor who had talked to him while he was there). They were also pressuring him to stay there and not return to Florida. The poor man had a heart attack while he was there and died a few weeks later. I truly believe he died from the stress he was under. It’s so sad that he wasn’t able to be in his Florida home (where he had lived for 22 years) when he died. This is where he wanted to be.

My wife and I bought here while she was still with me but knowing she had limited time on earth. We were seasonal all those years. After she passed I moved here full time and never regretted my decision. Being a widowed person is difficult even with all of your friends. But after experiencing being the "odd" person in the group I joined several of the many singles groups. My enjoyment of life went straight up from there. The singles groups here in TV go places, do things and enjoy life. They do everything that couples do. They trevel, they play golf, pickle ball, pool volleyball, dance. I mean everything.

what a sweet post

That is interesting, what attracts you to TOTW in Ocala vs TV?

I would keep the house and rent it out. Then I would buy a truck camper and go back out west and travel. Or a single hand sailboat and cruise to Alaska.

Not to make major changes for a year following widowhood (or any other major change) is an excellent guideline. We once went to a house sale where the man had become a widower three weeks earlier; the problem was that the house was his wife's (second marriage), and her children wanted it sold and done. He spoke in positive terms (he was a minister). but one could see he was so at odds with what was happening....

Excellent point! I enjoy my own company and love our home. We've discussed this and have agreed that this is home, and theoretically we've both decided that we would remain here when the other dies. I say 'theoretically,' as when one of us finds oneself in this situation, who knows what can happen.

We had friends who lived in a beautiful villa in south FL, where they knew the name of the next door neighbor, and decided to move here for the day when 'the two of them' would become 'one of them.' She died suddenly, and his children encouraged him to sign onto a local singles site. He met a lovely woman and had a warm relationship; however, he too died suddenly. We moved here as they had introduced us to TV. It's ironic that we're here—and they've both died.

We have another friend from south FL who, when what was to be her only grandchild was born, with the agreement of the parents she took a studio apartment where they lived and made herself available for babysitting, shopping, cooking, and whatever the needs were. As soon as the child started school, she gave up the studio and returned to FL full time, with the realization that the parents are both working and the grandchild is not only in school but is into structured after-school activities, playdates, you name it. I have scattered children and grandchildren up north, and I cannot see living with any of them where I would be alone most of the time and enduring winters (which are the main reason I'm living in FL). My spouse agrees, but as I say, when the time comes, who knows?...

We have a good friend who is facing this decision. He is in another southern state in a retirement community where he is actively involved.

He has been widowed for a few years. He is reaching an age where he is realizing it is time to acknowledge what could be coming with health issues. He had a recent scare and has recovered. But it definitely got his attention.

His kids are terrific but they live in the Midwest where it is cold and gray for many months of the year. He is looking into CCRCs (Continuing Care Retirement Communities) where he can go into independent living but will have further care if he needs it.

He is looking near his kids, up north. But he is also looking at Shell Point in Ft. Myers. He visited there and was impressed. You can look them up on medicare.gov to see how their healthcare is rated.

Shell Point is not inexpensive but seems to have a lot to offer, including close proximity to airports where his kids can connect faster than they can now. And, of course, they have the warmer weather and sunshine he loves after living for the past several years in the south.

I just learned about this place and looked through their website which is quite detailed, including pricing.

For those whose kids are scattered everywhere or who live in places that are far colder than what we are used to or for those who do not have children or family, Shell Point might be worth looking into.

All my information on Shell Point is second-hand and from the website. We have not been there. It is a 501(c)(3) which sometimes can mean it is better run than a chain but I don’t know that for sure. I think it might also mean that they do not kick you out if you run out of money -- not sure about that either. Of course, I would think you would have to have a discussion of net worth, income sources, etc. to get in.

I think our friend told us that they want you to come in while you can still live independently. The choices of homes run quite a gamut in pricing.

He is a very close friend and we are happy to see he is planning to make some decisions while he is in a position to make them for himself and can start into a CCRC in independent living.

For those who are looking ahead, it might be worth visiting the website at shellpoint.org and if it looks interesting to you, maybe take a road trip down to Ft, Myers to see what you think.

Does anyone here know anything about Shell Point in Ft. Myers? It sounds like it could offer some solutions and security for aging in place — in sunshine. :) But I don’t really know much about it, yet. It could be his choice so I will be learning more about it soon.

I wish everyone the best.

Boomer

An additional point: We are all unique individuals. We are close with one woman who is so content to be alone, whereas we have another close friend whose spouse died recently and is having a difficult time, especially with the pandemic limiting activites. On the other hand, we have a much older friend who is a recent widow who is holding her own, even though she speaks of missing him tremendously. I knew them well, and they were the kind of marriage one longs for! We are all so different....

We come from a really tiny town up north and bought our present (last!) home from a couple who, it turned out, came from the same tiny town. (It just happened.) They explained to us that they were moving into such a community (that is, independent living at first and then care as needed), as they have no children and didn't want to become an imposition to their nieces and nephews.

Unless one is close to family members elsewhere, where else could you go that has as many activities that The Villages does? I am a snowbird who comes down for 3 months and always finds something to do. Also eat out alone, usually in bar area