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  #16  
Old 03-24-2013, 01:54 PM
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Originally Posted by graciegirl View Post
With the help of each other, of family and friends and God...we will cross each bridge as we come to it just as we have done all of our lives.

That's my take on it too!
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  #17  
Old 03-24-2013, 01:58 PM
ilovetv ilovetv is offline
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Bizdoc wrote: We came here because (unlike the CCRCs), we saw happy, smiling people who were busy living and doing. Decided that we might as well live until we die.
This says it all.
  #18  
Old 03-24-2013, 02:00 PM
Mack184 Mack184 is offline
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Let me go at this from a different direction. I am old enough to live in TV, Stonecrest or Del Webb. My wife is not. We came here because my wife's parents shared that particular fear. My wife is an NP and can get a job virtually anywhere, so we sold our home up north and came here so that her mother & dad wouldn't have to worry about what to do if they became unable to handle day to day things, or if one of them was alone. They had become less active over the past couple of years. Now that we have arrived, they are once again very active, comfortable with the fact that someone is nearby to help out if needed.
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  #19  
Old 03-24-2013, 02:21 PM
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A realistic scenario: Overcrowding seems to be a constant in Florida. There are supposedly record numbers of baby boomers retiring. If that is true and holds true and if it is true and holds true that Central Florida is and continues to rapidly expand then demand will exceed supply. Hence the waiting list of assisted living facilities, etc. will grow longer and longer. Beside which I do not want to be a burden to anyone.

So if someone says to me "why don't you just drop dead". I'm going to respond with a cheerful "thank you"
  #20  
Old 03-24-2013, 03:24 PM
mojoe mojoe is offline
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My husband Joe and I moved here in November 2010. We sold our house up north and we bought a house in The Villages. It was hard leaving the family up north, 4 daughters and their families (12 grandchildren) but we had each other and we loved it here. 15 months later my beloved Joe passed away at the age of 67. It is certainly a different ballgame for me now. Even though I am coping much better now, a year has gone by, I miss Joe very much and I am lonely. The Villages is a great place to live and it has so many activities and clubs for everyone. I have joined many groups, have done lots of activities, met some wonderful people, but I have the pull of my family and friends up north. And believe me, I do not like that cold, snowy weather. I know my children are living very hectic lives and a lot of our friends are retiring now or getting ready to retire and they are moving here and there. I certainly do not want to be a burden to anyone. I am a young 66, I have my health, and I certainly am not ready to throw in the towel. I am definitely at a crossroads but I am thinking clearer now and, with the help of God, I will make the right decisions. But I do not think there is a pat answer to what is best for us. Everyone is different, and everyone has different likes and dislikes, wants and needs.
  #21  
Old 03-24-2013, 05:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mojoe View Post
My husband Joe and I moved here in November 2010. We sold our house up north and we bought a house in The Villages. It was hard leaving the family up north, 4 daughters and their families (12 grandchildren) but we had each other and we loved it here. 15 months later my beloved Joe passed away at the age of 67. It is certainly a different ballgame for me now. Even though I am coping much better now, a year has gone by, I miss Joe very much and I am lonely. The Villages is a great place to live and it has so many activities and clubs for everyone. I have joined many groups, have done lots of activities, met some wonderful people, but I have the pull of my family and friends up north. And believe me, I do not like that cold, snowy weather. I know my children are living very hectic lives and a lot of our friends are retiring now or getting ready to retire and they are moving here and there. I certainly do not want to be a burden to anyone. I am a young 66, I have my health, and I certainly am not ready to throw in the towel. I am definitely at a crossroads but I am thinking clearer now and, with the help of God, I will make the right decisions. But I do not think there is a pat answer to what is best for us. Everyone is different, and everyone has different likes and dislikes, wants and needs.
I have a similar situation though a bit backwards. I lost my husband at 55, continued to work full time "up north" and to care for my Mother who had a form of dementia. Two years ago I lost my Mom, and had only my stepdaughter to help me thru (as far as family). I do, however, have a network of very close friends! But at some point I realized I was stagnant, missing out on living life the way I would wish, and decided to make the move here to TV. I must admit, it was the BEST decision for me. I built a home in a wonderful neighborhood, moved in this past December and am once again full of life and enjoying day to day activities! What a difference it has made for me to be here amongst so many happy and active people and I awaken every morning with a smile and a good morning in my heart!
I carry long term health care and am comforted knowing I can have someone care for me in my home if need be. They are building assisted living facilities right here, as well as a memory care center. I know I will be fine right where I am and live each day as it comes, happy to be exactly where I am. Each of us is different in our wants and needs and must make the best decision for ourselves, no matter the sage advice of others. Do what will make you happiest and all will be well with the world.
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  #22  
Old 03-24-2013, 05:53 PM
mommieswamie mommieswamie is offline
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Default Our Story

We came here 5 years ago this month and bought a villa which was supposed to be a vacation home. Indeed, we vacationed here for several months at a time, loving every bit of it as did our children and grandchildren. After 8 months of owning here, we decided our vacation house was too small for the multiple but very welcome visitors, family and friends, so we contracted to build a Premier home. In January of 2009 we left our permanent home to come to our much loved villa here for two months. To this day neither one of us has ever been able to set foot in our "permanent" home again. My husband became sick and after surgery at Mayo Clinic, we moved into our Premier home. We lived there for two years while he got weaker and weaker, then sold it for a just the right size Designer suitable for a very sick weak man and an exhausted caregiver.

At this point at the urging of our children, I researched and we came up with a plan. We would move close to one of our 6 children to a Continuing Care Retirement Community. I had a file labeled "Planning for the Next Step" which was filled with 8-10 brochures and notes about phone calls to these places.

Last fall, during an exhausted sleepless night, I started a thread on TOTV asking about when was it time to move closer to children. For those of you who would like to look it up, there is much good wisdom in that thread. Plus, I was simply "blown over" by the kindness and caring of complete strangers.

So we moved. It was not a sudden decision as it had been carefully planned and researched for a year. The thread that I started just gave me the necessary push to do it.

Three weeks later we were back in The Villages. It did not work - at all - not one bit - inspite of enormous support of all of our family and friends. I will share details of why it did not work to anyone who wishes to pm me, but publically suffice it to say that it just did not work.

My husband is now in long term care where he went one week after our return. A profoundly difficult decision for both of us as his mind is clear but he can no longer care for himself at all.

The point that I am getting to is this - inspite of having a well thought out plan and lots of support, it just did not work when we put it into place.

So from now on I, personally, am just trying to make my husband as comfortable and as happy as I can and live each day without too much worry about planning for the future when the future is so completely unknown to us all.
  #23  
Old 03-24-2013, 06:08 PM
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You need to have everything documented the way you want it. I maintain a book fondly called the EOL book. (end of life) It contains details on the following topics. And I am always finding different things to add.

Here are the things that I've covered in my book. I try to either update them annually or reference where readers can find recent details. Financial information is protected with a strong password that can be found in our safe deposit box.

Part 1. Immediate needs
Included here are: Addresses, email and phone contact information of our doctors, estate attorney, tax accountant and other people important in our lives. Funeral, obituary and burial directions. How to notify the Social Security Administration, pension and annuity administrators and investment funds and brokers.

Part 2. Wills and trusts
The category covers: Our living will and will. Power of Attorney. Executor. Investment beneficiaries. Who gets what personal items. Trusts and trustees. Locations of important items.

Part 3. Important actions
This is a guide to the following: Time-sensitive actions (taxes, required minimum distributions, etc.). Trips already reserved. Award points that can be used and associated instructions. Maintenance of home, other real estate, cars. I also keep a log of home-maintenance records including names and phones for each repair job.

Part 4. Financial management
This section includes records about: Regular income, automatic bill payments, sources of cash. Investments and real estate. Instructions for record-keeping. Credit card information. Life, health, house, auto, liability and any other insurance records. Taxes and data required. Passwords and IDs. Ledger of financial actions. Charitable-contribution information.

Part 5. Location
This is an extensive list of where things are that would be needed to settle estate and pay taxes.

At some point we'll make a copy of the Book for each of our children and our executor. Perhaps that will be when one of them notices our dementia and says they need a copy. What won't be easy is going through the tons of stuff we have saved in pictures and papers that fill boxes in the basement and file drawers in various places around the house—things we're not brave enough to toss out ourselves yet. We keep telling ourselves that we just have to eliminate the clutter, but we have trouble getting around to it. The Death Book comes first. The survivors can just dump the rest.
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  #24  
Old 03-25-2013, 07:02 AM
JoelJohnson JoelJohnson is offline
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My wife met a couple that sold their house in TV to be with their family up north, only to find that the family was too busy with their daily lives to be with them very much. Now they are stuck, they can't sell the house up here and can't afford a house down there without selling the house up here.

If you are happy in TV then just visit your family up north.
  #25  
Old 03-25-2013, 07:02 AM
JourneyOfLife JourneyOfLife is offline
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Several thoughtful comments from people, thanks all.

Rubicon makes an excellent point. This is one of the things I was looking at to try to figure a few things out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rubicon View Post
A realistic scenario: Overcrowding seems to be a constant in Florida. There are supposedly record numbers of baby boomers retiring. If that is true and holds true and if it is true and holds true that Central Florida is and continues to rapidly expand then demand will exceed supply. Hence the waiting list of assisted living facilities, etc. will grow longer and longer. Beside which I do not want to be a burden to anyone.

So if someone says to me "why don't you just drop dead". I'm going to respond with a cheerful "thank you"

My wife and I are dead center of the baby boom generation.... which could mean... likely to mean we will experience peak demand on services (even though I hope we won't need them).

I was doing some general demographic research on the topic... and it should come as no surprise... Florida has many retirees.

I did a quick/rough calculations and found that the number or people in TV that are age 65 and over is more than the same age band in Cleveland OH (not the metro area which is larger) (yet cleveland has a much larger overall population). So I checked further and looked at the 3 counties where TV is located. Those 3 counties have a population roughly the size of Detroit MI (700+ thousand). In Detroit (not the metro area which is larger), 10.4% of the population is 65 or older. In the 3 counties (Sumter 27.4%, Marion 24.5% & Lake 26.4%) the population is about the same as Detroit but look at the pecentages of people over 65... roughly 26% (about 260% compared to Detroit). In the US, that age group (65 and older) is currently about 13% of the population based on 2012 census. The TV area demographic tilt for age is no surprise... it is what I expected since Florida has many retirees. I got the local age statistics from wikipedia. Cleveland and Detroit were just picked for population comparison purposes... I could have used any large cities....I have not cross-check the sources for accuracy.


I know from experience... age related decline situations(needing a lot of hands on help) are almost always tough situations. But they can also be much worse. People are often conflicted about decisions if they are in the middle of a crisis and have no idea of how they were going to handle it. Just a basic plan can help. More than call someone for help.

I think that old adage is sound "fail to plan then plan to fail".

The demographic issue is not show stopper for moving to Florida... but if there is a big chance we might not have services available... should catastrophe strike... I would like to know that there might be a strong chance of it and plan for it. Moving back home might be the best decision for us for a variety of other reasons too.

BTW this thread is not about whether TV or Florida is a nice place to retire... many have already decided on that issue.

But I do roll my eyes a little when it goes like this... Question: how do you plan to deal with age related decline if you need hands on help? Answer: Boy we really have a nice golf course.

This thread not about your decision or the trade-offs. No need to rationalize you basic decision.

I am just wondering how other are planning to deal with age related decline... or how others are or have dealt with it.

I am hoping to learn something.
  #26  
Old 03-25-2013, 07:57 AM
EastCoastDawg EastCoastDawg is offline
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The Villages will be an even better place to live once the developers have built the Morse International Airport, with direct flights to Canada

Just build it well-south of 466A, please

Obviously, Miami will have to give up the MIA nomenclature...
  #27  
Old 03-25-2013, 08:13 AM
mommieswamie mommieswamie is offline
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Default Our experience with needing services

Your question/comment is certainly valid. If I am understanding correctly, you are wondering what services/facilities are available, should one need them, and how one copes in an active living retirement area when your health is declining.

Having needed quite a lot of services, I can share our experience, but I cannot comment on the broader availability of such services - only what we have experienced.

As far as home health care, there are a number of good agencies in this area. We stayed with the same one for the three years that we needed one. A nurse visited once a week or more if necessary and my husband was able to have physical therapy, occupational therapy and even speech therapy at home. These agencies will also provide medication management. Of course, all of this was only available with a docotr's order. This was covered by our insurance.

There are also a number of care giving agencies in the area. They will provide services on various levels. At first we simply needed someone to keep the household going - laundry, groceries, preparing meals. These agencies do not provide house cleaning, but will clean up spills, change sheets, etc as needed. There is another level of service that they provide that is "hands on" patient care with the ADLs (Adult Daily Living) needs - bathing, dressing, etc. At first we needed this for several hours per day maybe 3-4 days per week. We then progessed to every day for 4-5 hours, but at the end, we needed 24/7 care giving. Yes - they will spend the night, staying up to see to the needs of the patient. The cost for this was all out of pocket.

There are several good rehab hospitals in the area. My husband was a patient at 2 of them and we found his care and therapy to be good. This was something that was arranged by the case workers at whatever hospital he was in, so I cannot speak to waiting lists, availability, etc.

When it came time to look at assisted living or long term care, we found that although there are several good assisted living facilities here and there were no waiting lists at the ones I looked at, his needs were beyond what an assisted living could provide. So long term care was the only option. There are a number of facilities in the area. By "in the area", I am referring to a 25-35 mile radius. I looked at several and most had immediate availability, although I will say that some were pretty grim. When I settled on one, they were able to admit him the day after I looked at the facility.

I must make very plain that I am only sharing our experience, I am in no way qualified to rate or judge any services available or comment on the broader picture. The decisions and services that we availed ourselves of were based on our own personal financial, emotional and physical situation.

I hope this is helpful. Yes - there are services available in the area when you live here, should you need them.
  #28  
Old 03-25-2013, 11:26 AM
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Default Short term plan

Not wishing to face the dreadful prospect of wasting away in a nursing home, several close friends and I have made a pact. When one of us becomes essentially incapacitated, either physically or mentally, others in the group will quietly put an end to our misery. When it's time to die, it's time to die. No sense dragging it out for months or years, prolonging the agony and depleting whatever estate there may be.
My spouse says her conscience won't allow her to participate in such arrangements, so I have to depend on my buddies.
  #29  
Old 03-25-2013, 11:50 AM
ilovetv ilovetv is offline
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Be careful about spending more weeks/months/years on how to die than on how to live.
  #30  
Old 03-25-2013, 12:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by l2ridehd View Post
You need to have everything documented the way you want it. I maintain a book fondly called the EOL book. (end of life) It contains details on the following topics. And I am always finding different things to add.

Here are the things that I've covered in my book. I try to either update them annually or reference where readers can find recent details. Financial information is protected with a strong password that can be found in our safe deposit box.

Part 1. Immediate needs
Included here are: Addresses, email and phone contact information of our doctors, estate attorney, tax accountant and other people important in our lives. Funeral, obituary and burial directions. How to notify the Social Security Administration, pension and annuity administrators and investment funds and brokers.

Part 2. Wills and trusts
The category covers: Our living will and will. Power of Attorney. Executor. Investment beneficiaries. Who gets what personal items. Trusts and trustees. Locations of important items.

Part 3. Important actions
This is a guide to the following: Time-sensitive actions (taxes, required minimum distributions, etc.). Trips already reserved. Award points that can be used and associated instructions. Maintenance of home, other real estate, cars. I also keep a log of home-maintenance records including names and phones for each repair job.

Part 4. Financial management
This section includes records about: Regular income, automatic bill payments, sources of cash. Investments and real estate. Instructions for record-keeping. Credit card information. Life, health, house, auto, liability and any other insurance records. Taxes and data required. Passwords and IDs. Ledger of financial actions. Charitable-contribution information.

Part 5. Location
This is an extensive list of where things are that would be needed to settle estate and pay taxes.

At some point we'll make a copy of the Book for each of our children and our executor. Perhaps that will be when one of them notices our dementia and says they need a copy. What won't be easy is going through the tons of stuff we have saved in pictures and papers that fill boxes in the basement and file drawers in various places around the house—things we're not brave enough to toss out ourselves yet. We keep telling ourselves that we just have to eliminate the clutter, but we have trouble getting around to it. The Death Book comes first. The survivors can just dump the rest.
Might consider a copy on a USB drive and giving that to your children now for future use. Could put a password on it. Also consider a copy in the cloud. The idea is to get to the book quickly and easily.
I would get to the clean up now. Your children will appreciate it.
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