Solo Agers (single & no kids)--how are you planning for live in your 80's & beyond?

Reply
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 02-09-2024, 10:14 PM
DaddyD DaddyD is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 107
Thanks: 0
Thanked 61 Times in 37 Posts
Default Solo Agers (single & no kids)--how are you planning for live in your 80's & beyond?

I (along with a sibling) have been caring for my elderly parents (both late 80's) for the past seven years. While both parents are in reasonably good health for their age, neither can live independently, and were it not for us, both would be (at a minimum) in assisted living facility.

Over the past two years both my mother & father have had illnesses / accidents (falls) which resulted in them being hospitalized. My father was in a local hospital for nearly two weeks, and while the treatment / care he received there was adequate, I shudder to think what his experience would have been like had I not been there daily to manage / advocate for his medical care.

I'm in my 50's, single with no children, and while my "elderly years" are still decades away, this experience of helping my parents has really got me wondering how I'm going to manage the last 10-15 years of my life.

Lots of people mention CCRC's (Continuing Care Retirement Communities), but they won't sit with you at doctor's appointments, help you pay bills, manage your finances, etc..

For those of you who are single with no children:

If you are in the last decade or so of life, how are you doing it? Any tips or warnings?

For those of you in your 60's & 70's, what are your plans for when you aren't able to live independently & need help?
  #2  
Old 02-10-2024, 06:14 AM
retiredguy123 retiredguy123 is offline
Sage
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 13,650
Thanks: 2,184
Thanked 13,183 Times in 4,988 Posts
Default

In The Villages, I think Freedom Pointe is the best place to go, if you can afford it.
  #3  
Old 02-10-2024, 06:25 AM
asianthree's Avatar
asianthree asianthree is offline
Sage
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Mallory, Pennacamp, Fernandinia, Duval, Richmond
Posts: 8,993
Thanks: 22
Thanked 3,471 Times in 1,284 Posts
Default

Not much different than DINK’s (duel income no kids) once a spouse passes on your own. Two of three kids are in that category no kids. Both have a good advisor, and have planned for the what if.
__________________
Do not worry about things you can not change
  #4  
Old 02-10-2024, 07:03 AM
juneroses juneroses is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 370
Thanks: 13
Thanked 79 Times in 23 Posts
Default

The article below pertains to your question. Click on the link within it & search by zip for local geriatric-care managers.

Who is your emergency contact? Older adults aging alone must be more prepared. - MarketWatch
__________________
The Villages via Cincinnati, Ohio
  #5  
Old 02-10-2024, 10:49 AM
DaddyD DaddyD is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 107
Thanks: 0
Thanked 61 Times in 37 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by retiredguy123 View Post
In The Villages, I think Freedom Pointe is the best place to go, if you can afford it.
I appreciate the suggestion, but I'm (hopefully!) a few decades away from needing an independent or assisted living facility, and who knows how much Freedom Pointe will be charging then, and/or what their reputation will be then.

But even if a solo ager were to move into Freedom Pointe (or similar facility) that still only solves half the problem. Sure, the staff there will take care of a person's basic physical needs, but they won't help with paying bills, managing investments, managing health care amongst a variety of doctors, being a health care advocate for the resident, etc..

There are still a ton of problems / issues that need to be managed that fall outside of the services provided by the staff at any independent/assisted living facility or nursing home.

Last edited by DaddyD; 02-10-2024 at 03:08 PM.
  #6  
Old 02-10-2024, 10:53 AM
DaddyD DaddyD is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 107
Thanks: 0
Thanked 61 Times in 37 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by asianthree View Post
Not much different than DINK’s (duel income no kids) once a spouse passes on your own. Two of three kids are in that category no kids. Both have a good advisor, and have planned for the what if.

I'm not certain what you are referring to when you wrote that your kids have seen an advisor and planned for the "what if". If by "what if" you mean if one spouse outlives the other and ends up w/ diminishing mental capabilities and needs help, I'd be interested to know what their advisor and they have planned.

If by "what if" you are referring to death...that's not a "what if", that is a "when". The end game is certain and the same for all of us.
  #7  
Old 02-10-2024, 10:57 AM
DaddyD DaddyD is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 107
Thanks: 0
Thanked 61 Times in 37 Posts
Default

Below is a link to an interesting discussion on a finance/investment related forum related to being a solo ager:

CCRC's are out. Tips for "aging in place"? - Bogleheads.org

I'm not expecting any magic answers or solutions, but it would be interesting to hear from people who are actually experiencing this now--or planning for it in the not-too-distant future--how they're doing it and/or what their plans are.

I've got some younger cousins who theoretically might help help me out, but that's a HUGE ask, and for me at least, not a great plan.
  #8  
Old 02-10-2024, 11:22 AM
Caymus Caymus is offline
Veteran member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 805
Thanks: 17
Thanked 785 Times in 363 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by retiredguy123 View Post
In The Villages, I think Freedom Pointe is the best place to go, if you can afford it.
Curious if you know the price range (rough planning for 20 to 30 years in the future
  #9  
Old 02-10-2024, 12:24 PM
retiredguy123 retiredguy123 is offline
Sage
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 13,650
Thanks: 2,184
Thanked 13,183 Times in 4,988 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaddyD View Post
I appreciate the suggestion, but thankfully I'm (hopefully!) a few decades away from needing an independent or assisted living facility, and who knows

But even if a solo ager were to move into Freedom Pointe (or similar facility) that still only solves half the problem. Sure, the staff there will take care of a person's basic physical needs, but they won't help with paying bills, managing investment, managing health care amongst a variety of doctors, being a health care advocate for the resident, etc..

There are still a ton of problems / issues that need to be managed that fall outside of the services provided by the staff at any independent/assisted living facility or nursing home.
A facility like Freedom Pointe will solve a lot of the issues that are impossible to solve living in a single family house in The Villages. If you have health problems, transportation to medical appointments is extremely difficult living in a house. Also, owning a house requires maintenance, utility bills, and other costs. Hopefully, if you move into a facility, you only need to pay one bill, your transportation is provided, and your financial portfolio is pretty much on auto pilot. I cannot imagine trusting a stranger to manage the things you mentioned. I inquired about this when I had a will prepared, and got no recommendations whatsoever. The attorney who prepared my will told me that most professionals, such as lawyers, will not assume power of attorney for these things because of the potential liability. What you really need is a very close friend or relative to assist you. If you don't have one, then I think a facility is the best option, especially living in The Villages.
  #10  
Old 02-10-2024, 12:38 PM
retiredguy123 retiredguy123 is offline
Sage
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 13,650
Thanks: 2,184
Thanked 13,183 Times in 4,988 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Caymus View Post
Curious if you know the price range (rough planning for 20 to 30 years in the future
The current independent living pricing ranges from about $350K to $450K for the initial "condo" purchase (2 bedroom), and about $4,500 per month, which includes meals, utilities, maintenance, transportation, and a life care agreement. To me, this is way better than other independent living options, such as Sumter Senior Living and Watercrest. They charge no entrance fee, but about $6K per month for rent, and no lease or ownership at all. That is totally unacceptable to me.
  #11  
Old 02-10-2024, 01:56 PM
MightyDog MightyDog is offline
Member
Join Date: Dec 2023
Posts: 49
Thanks: 75
Thanked 51 Times in 25 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaddyD View Post
I appreciate the suggestion, but thankfully I'm (hopefully!) a few decades away from needing an independent or assisted living facility, and who knows

But even if a solo ager were to move into Freedom Pointe (or similar facility) that still only solves half the problem. Sure, the staff there will take care of a person's basic physical needs, but they won't help with paying bills, managing investment, managing health care amongst a variety of doctors, being a health care advocate for the resident, etc..

There are still a ton of problems / issues that need to be managed that fall outside of the services provided by the staff at any independent/assisted living facility or nursing home.
DD - I understand exactly what you're asking and the link provided upstring by another commenter seems like a starting point as far as understanding what currently exists in that realm. You are very smart to be thinking about this now while you have time to consider the many variables and put a plan together when not rushed to do so by ill health.

An overall advocate is what you're asking for, like you stated. If a family member or friend (either one, that you trust to be competent and honest!) is not interested then, someone would need to be hired to perform that role(s). It's very tricky b/c once a situation reverts to where they now have legal and/or healthcare POA b/c you're incapacitated -- all bet are off. And that includes with family members.

My life observations are that most people do not handle power well. They either don't understand the responsibility involved and don't perform the role well, or at all, or they get drunk on their assigned power and do what they want - sometimes including lifting money if they think no one will notice.

And nursing facilities? Wow, there is a financial trap if people aren't paying attention. Some of them love to pad the bills in various ways and only a caretaker paying attention and asking questions is going to avoid that. My oldest brother has been a slack caretaker of our Mother and the facility she lived in got away with gouging her out of $45,000+ while sedating the beejezus out of her, like they do the others there. Even family caretakers can be very dialed-out!

It is such a tricky situation because oldsters, particularly self-payers, are basically prey to those who'd like a piece of those assets and families don't seem to understand that. I could go on, probably have enough to write an article - a cautionary tale.

But, I don't have a specific resource to share at this time to assist you. Look at that link, above, and try some online searching using keywords like: elderly advocate, elderly POA for hire, whatever you can think of...each string will produce somewhat different results. ALSO, give a call to a local estate attorney or two and pose your question - they might know of resources. Also, I can't imagine that AARP doesn't have resources to recommend for that.

Last edited by MightyDog; 02-10-2024 at 02:32 PM.
  #12  
Old 02-11-2024, 05:12 AM
La lamy's Avatar
La lamy La lamy is offline
Platinum member
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 1,755
Thanks: 420
Thanked 2,106 Times in 865 Posts
Default

Tough topic, but good for you for thinking ahead. I'm hoping to be independent and healthy until the end, otherwise it's fork out the big bucks for at home care I reckon. Renting would also alleviate many extra bills and responsibilities.
  #13  
Old 02-11-2024, 05:56 AM
margaretmattson margaretmattson is offline
Veteran member
Join Date: May 2023
Posts: 682
Thanks: 188
Thanked 710 Times in 299 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by La lamy View Post
Tough topic, but good for you for thinking ahead. I'm hoping to be independent and healthy until the end, otherwise it's fork out the big bucks for at home care I reckon. Renting would also alleviate many extra bills and responsibilities.
Each state offers help for seniors. Some much better than others. It will behoove you to investigate what is available BEFORE the time comes. If you must move from Florida, make certain the state you choose to live takes good care of their seniors. (I think most will agree, Florida is among the worst)

My husband and I have each signed a no resusitation if we are placed on machines. We each have a health surrogate we trust will honor this request. We have nursing home insurance that will take care of us during our last three years. We have asked nieces and nephews if they will assume power of attorney if our children cannot or will not. Our home is paid in full and will help finance health care that is needed but not covered. Plan, plan, and plan! Involve family members throughout. Some will be willing to help while others may not. KNOW THIS AND RESPECT their wishes beforehand.

Last edited by margaretmattson; 02-11-2024 at 06:02 AM.
  #14  
Old 02-11-2024, 06:33 AM
sharonl7340 sharonl7340 is offline
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 63
Thanks: 9
Thanked 106 Times in 34 Posts
Default

I had to care for my mom who had Alzheimers after my dad died unexpectedly. It taught me some important lessons. 1. Get and keep long-term care insurance (I was in my mid-50s).

2. Make a plan to enter a facility at a specific age if I find myself alone.

3. Protect my assets in advance as every state has a look-back period for Medicaid (which is the one that would pay for long-term care once a person qualifies, not Medicare).
  #15  
Old 02-11-2024, 07:35 AM
Djean1981 Djean1981 is offline
Veteran member
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: Villages
Posts: 730
Thanks: 6,037
Thanked 778 Times in 315 Posts
Default

I hope to hang in there long enough for the home care robots.
Reply

Tags
years, care, parents, manage, live

Thread Tools

You are viewing a new design of the TOTV site. Click here to revert to the old version.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:55 PM.