Originally Posted by MDLNB

Please..I repeat, please do not use the $1 $20 $50 or the $100 bills as they have former slave owners on them! Send them all to me and I will dispose of them properly!! Do not just throw them away.. They need to be disposed of properly and I am a certified money disposer..Rest assured I will properly dispose of all that is sent to me .....

Now, this is funny [emoji847]

Originally Posted by MDLNB

Please..I repeat, please do not use the $1 $20 $50 or the $100 bills as they have former slave owners on them! Send them all to me and I will dispose of them properly!! Do not just throw them away.. They need to be disposed of properly and I am a certified money disposer..Rest assured I will properly dispose of all that is sent to me .....

Lol


Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G890A using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by MDLNB

Please..I repeat, please do not use the $1 $20 $50 or the $100 bills as they have former slave owners on them! Send them all to me and I will dispose of them properly!! Do not just throw them away.. They need to be disposed of properly and I am a certified money disposer..Rest assured I will properly dispose of all that is sent to me .....

Very funny, what's sad is there will be protests to change the money....watch.

The phone call
Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me."
"Sugar!"
"Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500."
"Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."
"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000!"
"Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great! Before we hang up, something else..."
"What?"
"It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $650,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."
"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $620,000, OK?"
"Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!" "Bye."
The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and asks aloud, "Does anyone know whose phone this is?"

What happened?

The eclipse

Originally Posted by Guest

The eclipse

Not in the history books. Trump will be seen as the reality star long term con man he is. President Barack Obama was a leader. Trump is a man-child.

A drunk decides to go ice fishing; so he gathers his gear and goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole. All of sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky. "You will find no fish under that ice." The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks. "As I said before, there are no fish under the ice." The drunk looks all around, high and low, but can't see a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time to finish. Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice interrupts. "I have warned you three times now. This is not a lake and there are no fish!"

The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared; so he asks the voice, "How do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to warn me?"

"No," the voice replied. "I am the manager of this ice hockey rink."

A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting,

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells:

"You stay out of this! ... I'm talking to that little **** on your lap"

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---
CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY


A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at
her. She
immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved
again.. The man seemed
more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she
complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.




The case came up in court.




The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
what he had to say for himself.




The man replied, 'Well your Honour, it was like this: when
the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her
condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The
Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to
smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honour, when she moved the fourth time
and sat under a sign that said,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'
... I just lost it.'




'CASE DISMISSED!!'

A retired older couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top.

The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply. "Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $55,000 asking price," said the older man. "Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young lady there."

"And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model."

The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water. "Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?", replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.

Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man...
"There you go," she said. "I told you I could get that idiot to lower the price...."
"See you later, Dad, Happy Father's day."

>
>
> Doug Pender lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his
>
> deathbed and knows the end is near.
>
>
> His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him….
>
>
> He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place
>
> to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
>
>
> “My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses.”
>
>
> “My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier.”
>
>
> “My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center.”
>
>
> “Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bayside on Blackwater Sound.”
>
>
> The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says;

> "Mrs. Pender, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property.”
>
>

> The wife replies, “The ******* had a paper route.”

"Democrats announced today that they are changing their emblem from a
donkey to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party's
political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production,
discourages cooperation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense
of security while screwing others."

Note the title of this thread. Not amusing in the least. Started on 04-29-2017, 08:46 AM. Almost five months of taunting of me. And who is complaining about trolling and baiting of other posters? MDLNB on another thread. What a hypocrite.

"Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."