[sandybill2]

A mom was concerned abut her kindergarten son walking to school. He did not want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe so she had a idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings staying at a distance so he probably would not notice her. She said since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well so she agreed. The next school day the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew. She did this for a whole week. As the two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend noticed the same lady following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally she said to Timmy "have you noticed that lady following us to school all week?-Do you know her?" Timmy nonchalantly replied "yeah, I know who she is." The little girl said "well, who is she?" Timmy replied "that's just Shirley Goodnest and her daughter Marcy." "Shirley Goodnest?" who the heck is that and why is she following us?" "Well, Timmy explained-every night my mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers cuz she worries about me so much and in the Psalm, it says 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life, so I guess I will just have to get used to it!'

[REDCART]

Two businessmen in New York were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store.

As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Japanese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Japanese accent asked,
"What you sell?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the Japanese man said, "You doing velly well, only two left !"

[JAV0108]

Keeping it all in perspective!!!

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, ' Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a Sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things.'

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a black and white TV.


Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis...

[REDCART]

Grandma's Birth Control Pills

The doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for
most of her life finally retired. At her next check up, the new doctor told
her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for
her.

As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes
grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.

'Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL
pills?'

'Yes, they help me to sleep at night.'

'Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING
in these that could possibly help you sleep!'

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee.

'Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one
up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter
drinks.......And believe me, it helps me sleep at
night.'

You gotta love Grandmas!