[CFrance]

This is long but funny.

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shovelled for the first time in years, felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbour tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbour.

December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shovelling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shovelling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.....we're in Illinois!

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the
ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. Man, I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shovelling. Took all day. Damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbour kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I
think he's lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt 'til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel, and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the ******* is lying.

December 23: Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to "0". The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she's lying.

December 24: 6" Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the Damn snowplow.

December 25: Merry F!=3D@x@!x!x1 Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shovelling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. Plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars; not for only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31: I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shovelling.

January 8: Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep
giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

[Happinow]

Very funny. Isn't that the way it goes? You think that the snow is so beautiful and you can't wait to go out in it and shovel and look at the beautiful trees glistening with the white stuff. Then, after a while you realize it ain't all that it's cracked up to be. Been there, done that and never want to go back!

[CFrance]

Originally Posted by Happinow

Very funny. Isn't that the way it goes? You think that the snow is so beautiful and you can't wait to go out in it and shovel and look at the beautiful trees glistening with the white stuff. Then, after a while you realize it ain't all that it's cracked up to be. Been there, done that and never want to go back!

Really! You're so right. We lived in a lake effect snow belt in MI, and every word of that story was true! Except we never beat anyone up with a shovel...

[DonH57]

LOL. That definately was funny. Reminds me of living in Massachusetts during the winters I was still working and had to keep ensuring I could get out the driveway with the service truck with the storms at all hours.

[Matzy]

Very funny but (almost) true story. We lived in MI before and there I learned that snow is wonderful….. looking down from an airplane which brings me to FL.

[Steve & Deanna]

'Dealing with snow' was a great post. I picked on Deanna for years while I was outdoors dealing with a hundred foot driveway with a snow-blower and when I finished the task, she would tell me how beautiful the snow was. Somehow at this age, I don't find it beautiful anymore. I find it.....a chore. I don't miss it.

[CFrance]

It makes our cold snap last week not seem so bad. It's good to be reminded of what we escaped.

[2BNTV]

Originally Posted by CFrance

It makes our cold snap last week not seem so bad. It's good to be reminded of what we escaped.

I am glad that i don't have to deal with the four letter word,

"snow".


The cold snap was a piece of cake, compared to the teeth chattering cold, of sub zero temps, experience in parts, of the country.

I certainly don't miss it one bit. In the 70's today. Back to shorts and sandals.

Life is good.

[CFrance]

My husband is up in the Chicago area doing some work for his former boss. They are reporting "frozen fog" up there.

I never heard of it!

[DonH57]

I enjoyed the first snowfall we had right after I got laid off because I didn't have to deal with it immediately. I was always one of the few always ready to pull out the driveway the following morning. Now I had no where to be and I could drink my coffee and enjoy the snowfall.

[tippyclubb]

CFrance thanks for posting this. I'm laughing so hard brought tears to my eyes. Its a classic description of what we are going through now.

[Mikeod]

True story. When I entered the Navy, I was sent to Bethesda from MA for a month to cover for someone who had emergency surgery. There I met a psychologist who was also there temporarily from San Jose on his way to NAS Brunswick ME. Since I was headed to NAS Moffett Field near San Jose, we exchanged information about what the areas were like.

Around Christmas, we got a card from them detailing their excitement with the white Christmas. Around Easter, we got a note asking "When does the snow go away?" Didn't have the heart to tell them it would be a while longer.

[swimdawg]

Cute, C.

I think I'll start a thread.........called Joke of the Day. Hold on..........

[CFrance]

Originally Posted by mikeod

True story. When I entered the Navy, I was sent to Bethesda from MA for a month to cover for someone who had emergency surgery. There I met a psychologist who was also there temporarily from San Jose on his way to NAS Brunswick ME. Since I was headed to NAS Moffett Field near San Jose, we exchanged information about what the areas were like.

Around Christmas, we got a card from them detailing their excitement with the white Christmas. Around Easter, we got a note asking "When does the snow go away?" Didn't have the heart to tell them it would be a while longer.

That's funny, and fits right in!

[kittygilchrist]

Originally Posted by CFrance

This is long but funny.

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shovelled for the first time in years, felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbour tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbour.

December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shovelling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shovelling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.....we're in Illinois!

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the
ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. Man, I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shovelling. Took all day. Damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbour kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I
think he's lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt 'til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel, and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the ******* is lying.

December 23: Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to "0". The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she's lying.

December 24: 6" Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the Damn snowplow.

December 25: Merry F!=3D@x@!x!x1 Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shovelling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. Plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars; not for only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31: I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shovelling.

January 8: Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep
giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

"for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother..."
LOL...thank you CF!