[eweissenbach]

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'





A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know..'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'




A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty..'



JC Norris, an 68 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Mr. Norris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Mr. Norris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Mr. Norris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'




One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

[Halle]

Ed you are on a roll this morning.

[Figmo Bohica]

I don't know about you but I am now in to my Heavy Metal Years.

Silver in my hair, gold in my teeth and lead in my butt.

[eweissenbach]

Originally Posted by Figmo Bohica

I don't know about you but I am now in to my Heavy Metal Years.

Silver in my hair, gold in my teeth and lead in my butt.

I'm there with ya pardner!

Originally Posted by eweissenbach

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

I laughed out loud on this one...very funny!

[HelenLCSW]

[Doodlegirl]

Even I will be able to remember those!

[Freeda]

Ed ran into Tom on the golf course, and said "Hey, Tom, haven't seen you for a while. Was that you I saw across the square the other day with a pretty young thing on your arm?"

"Sure was, and actually, that was my new wife. She's only 30," said Tom.

"Thirty?! I mean, you look great for your age, Tom, but we're both in our seventies - how did you get such a young girl to marry you?"

"Easy. I lied about my age."

"So I guess you lied and told her you're in your fifties, right?"

"Heck, no. I told her I was 95."