[greenhillsgirl]

I have my 90 year old mother here for a month long visit. I had hoped that she would like to live here permanently (from PA), but in 'test driving' a patio villa I find that she really is not capable of the things that she used to do back home...cook, shop, clean..etc. Aside from that she is visibly becoming very forgetful, not remembering things from one day to the next. Anyway, I have started to visit the retirement homes and am looking for any comments - good, bad or ugly, regarding assisted living. My dad passed 4 years ago, and he was a WW II vet, so I see that some have advertised availability of veterans benefits. Any help there also is appreciated. Thanks to all.

[Cathy H]

the first decision is will granma go back to Pa. at month end & if so who cares for her there? then if she stays in Fla. assisted living is a "last resort" for disabled/elderly who need more care than family members can offer. it is expensive, about $5000/month & there will be medical/financial screening before entry. entry may be denied (be ready for that!) if indigencey can be established, Medicaid pays but many Ass. Liv. homes don't want to deal w/ that. you need to do a lot of research, & family discussions. this will be a difficult time and not all outcomes are good.

[Sanibel]

I moved my 88 y/o mother into Steeplechase, behind Walmart. I check most of he assisted living facilities and found them running from 4-6K per month. Since Steeplechase is a retirement facility they are half the price and I continue as her caregiver. They provide 3 meals, transportation to appointments, etc. Her apt is large enough and no units have stoves. The people that run the facility know every resident by name. As far as VA benefits be aware that it takes a good year to travel through all the paperwork however, payment is retroactive to the day you apply. Hope this helps a little.

[Bizdoc]

I moved my parents down from Virginia into SumterPlace. They liked it, but both ran into medical problems that made assisted living inappropriate and are now in a nursing home.

AL is *not* a nursing home. Based on their license, they are very limited in what they can do (for example, the resident has to be able transfer from a bed to a wheelchair. They also have to be able to go to the dining room for meals.

Go look at the various ALs as well as memory care facilities (which may be licensed as ALs or as "congregate care facilities") Note that ALs come unfurnished - you must provide it as well as TV, etc). Cost is partly a function of apt size.

As to cost, remember that you are paying rent, food, and limited medical care. You may also want to talk to an elder care attorney about VA and Medicaid assistance.

[rjm1cc]

A place where someone can visit her on a regular basis is best. I think care will be better if the staff knows someone is looking after her.

[gomoho]

Originally Posted by The Other Daughter

Check out my website The Other Daughter: Assisted Living and Elder Care Services

I am also familiar with Veteran's Benefits and please note that the Assisted Living's all take Veterans Benefits because it comes in to the account of the person who is eligible, just like social security. It is a cash benefit that you use to help pay for the rent and care. It is never directed to the care facility.

Jane Bloom
The Other Daughter
425 299 6020

Jane - I have to admit when I read this info about Veteran's Benefits I wondered about you. So I did some research and am very impressed with the fact you know about this program that supposedly even folks working at the VA don't know about. I would say if your knowledge is this extensive you can probably be a wealth of information and I hope the OP takes advantage of what you have to offer. Thanks for taking care of our parents' needs.

[TV MAN]

Here is another outlet to check as well.

Senior Care, Assisted Living, Nursing Homes | A Place for Mom

Joan is very proactive in seeing proper adult care is done right!

But the other posters are correct it will be a costly endeavor.

Do your research well.

[Villages PL]

Steeplechase in back of Walmart is a good location and it's not expensive when you consider what you get for the money. You get everything except telephone, that's extra. There's no lease/contract. So if you don't like it you can move.

I'm not sure about recent prices but you might still be able to get something for under $2,000 per month. When you figure out all that it includes, like 3 meals per day, it's not bad at all. Rooms get cleaned and sheets changed once per week. Mail gets delivered to boxes inside. Transportation is included for shopping at nearby stores or for doctor appointments.

There's a small workout room, a big swimming pool etc.. Library on wheels shows up on certain scheduled days. Or when the library addition is completed, they most likely will take you there.

The average age of residents is about 78 so your mother will get to rub elbows with lots of youngsters.

[dbussone]

Originally Posted by gomoho

Jane - I have to admit when I read this info about Veteran's Benefits I wondered about you. So I did some research and am very impressed with the fact you know about this program that supposedly even folks working at the VA don't know about. I would say if your knowledge is this extensive you can probably be a wealth of information and I hope the OP takes advantage of what you have to offer. Thanks for taking care of our parents' needs.

And our potential needs as well!

[Ohiogirl]

Have a friend who is at Harbor Chase (next to Lowe's on 441), which has both assisted living and a memory care unit. I am not sure if they also have Independent Living. Friend has a small apartment which is quite nice. Some have patios/balconies. We took a tour with our friend. The dining room is beautiful and it has a large bar area with big screen TVs for additional socializing, and nicer than average game rooms, wii area, etc. He's able to have guests in the dining room (for add'l $), and probably with some notice beforehand. I think the food is very good, although we haven't eaten there yet.

My mom was in assisted living in Ohio for 3 years while we 3 daughters were all still working full-time. We looked at several, didn't see any quite this nice. Hers just had rooms, not apts.

When we were looking (10 yrs ago or more), there were a few places that had it all - independent living, assisted living, memory care and nursing home/rehab. Once you were in, you were guaranteed a space to move from one area to another when/if needed. Seemed to us that the ones with the full gamut of offerings seemed less like a nursing home and more like a senior retirement community. I don't think, however, that there are any of this scale near The Villages.

I do think it's important to find one close to your side of the Villages - if it takes 30-45 min. each way to get there it will be harder to visit frequently.

[Ohiogirl]

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[Villages PL]

Originally Posted by greenhillsgirl

I have my 90 year old mother here for a month long visit. I had hoped that she would like to live here permanently (from PA), but in 'test driving' a patio villa I find that she really is not capable of the things that she used to do back home...cook, shop, clean..etc. Aside from that she is visibly becoming very forgetful, not remembering things from one day to the next. Anyway, I have started to visit the retirement homes and am looking for any comments - good, bad or ugly, regarding assisted living. My dad passed 4 years ago, and he was a WW II vet, so I see that some have advertised availability of veterans benefits. Any help there also is appreciated. Thanks to all.

You say she's "not capable of the things that she used to do back home...cook, shop clean..etc." Well, she wouldn't have to do any of those things in an independent living facility. And, as far as being forgetful, lots of people in independent living facilities are forgetful. That's not unusual. I was at Steeplechase on Friday and they didn't seem to think that forgetfulness should keep anyone from living there. They said they have a few residents who are 100 years old. So age alone should not be a determining factor, even with some forgetfulness.

[Bizdoc]

I am going to try to phrase this as politely as I can...

Keep in mind that when you talk to folks at independent living, assisted living, memory care, nursing home, etc, the person you will most likely be talking to is the marketing person. Their job is to get you (or your loved one) to move in. Before you move in, you will often get all kinds of assurances that problem areas aren't a big deal. And (at independent and assisted living), you will be paying a "community fee" at move-in which is non-refundable.

Those assurances won't count when it turns out that the issues you or your loved one have are "outside of the scope of their license". If they are outside of the scope of license, you will have to move. End of discussion. (Otherwise, you are placing their license in jeopardy).

You will have to press, in many cases, to get them to fess up as to what would make your loved one have to move. From independent living, it may be that they cannot manage their meds on their own (no, idependent living does not include help with that). Or that they become confused and try to wander off (and that may well be in the cards for the future). The patient has to remember to go to the dining room for meals. Staff does not bathe residents. Staff doesn't check to see if they wet the bed.

The big deal breakers for assisted living is that they are incontinent or they can't move themselves from a chair to a wheelchair or a wheelchair to a bed with minimal assistant. If it takes two people to help them ("a two person lift" in their jargon), you are outside the scope of their license. They also *must* be able to get themselves to the dining room for meals - meals are not served in resident rooms. The "health aides" are assisting 20 plus people. Expect response times to be a lot slower than what you get in the hospital.

When I pressed the folks at a "congregate care" licensed facility, I was assured that they could deal with my father, who is a 2 person lift. When I pressed them about what is outside the scope, it finally came down to if he could not stand up (support his own weight), he was outside the scope of their license (they also required that residents come to the central dining area). Less than a month after I moved him to the skilled nursing facility where he is now, he could no longer stand and support his own weight. Within a month and a half, he was effectively bedridden and could not go to the central dining room.

What is the point of all this? First, unless you can really be objective, you probably should have a knowledgeable outsider assess what your 90 yo mom can and can't do and what she is likely to need in the near term future. (Be forewarned that you will probably want to have a really good cry when they give you an honest assessment.) Do not overestimate what your mom can do. You will not do her any favors to place her where she either won't be able to stay or will be at risk.

Second, take a very deep breath and look at the costs. Yes, assisted living and skilled nursing are expensive. If you can arrange her finances to qualify for VA care and assistance or Medicaid, so much the better. If not, accept that you may run thru all of her savings.

A very hard truth - you can't take care of her yourself for ever. Anyone who has been a caregiver will tell you what it does to you to never have a moment off. (And every so often you will see appeals from caregivers on here for help as they are going totally bat**** crazy.) It does that to people. Even putting her in a any level of a facility will drive you crazy. Gather up your support folks and warn them that you will be crazy for the next few years and have yourself put permanent on every prayer list you can find.

Good luck and may God help sustain you.