[manaboutown]

Originally Posted by Golfingnut

Years ago women would tolerate almost anything men could dish out. Not so much any more. In MY opinion, most divorces are due to a man doing something stupid.

What is with the male bashing?

I have been a once divorced single for almost twenty years now, a veritable veteran of life in the post divorce trenches. I am quite sociable and know and have met many, many divorced people, both men and women, from their forties into their seventies. I have listened to their stories and observed their behavior. Based on what I have seen, heard and experienced "fault" is about 50-50. Both men and women do stupid things, not that stupid acts are the sole bases for divorce. It is almost always far more complicated than that.

I believe more divorces are initiated by women than by men because relationships are more important to them. Most men are OK with an OK marriage. IMHO most women want more than just OK in a marriage.

[Schaumburger]

My parents had a very traditional 1950's marriage. They were married from 1957 to 1997 when my mom passed away. Dad worked; mom was a housewife. I do agree that most people of their generation did take the "till death do us part" vow more seriously than my generation did/does. And my father was definitely the decision maker and paid the bills (although he always consulted my mom). I have been supporting myself for so long now, I could not imagine asking a husband for "permission" to buy something as my mom thought she had to ask permission from my dad before she bought something. Don't get me wrong, I love my Dad, but "Father Knows Best" could have been filmed at my parents' home.

A few years before my mom passed away, I called her around 5:30. She said, "I can't talk now, your father expects his dinner at 6:00." I asked her if the kitchen was going to vaporize and disappear if dinner was not on the table at 6:00. My generation just takes a different view of marriage and the roles of men and women...

[Penguin]

Originally Posted by Golfingnut

Women are finding out what jerks we men are

Speak for yourself

[PaPaLarry]

My life has been just paradise. 38 wonderful yrs with the one I married, (before she passed) and now I have another sweetheart, that I'm blessed to have found! Plus, living in The Villages. Couldn't ask for any better.

[manaboutown]

Originally Posted by Schaumburger

My parents had a very traditional 1950's marriage. They were married from 1957 to 1997 when my mom passed away. Dad worked; mom was a housewife. I do agree that most people of their generation did take the "till death do us part" vow more seriously than my generation did/does. And my father was definitely the decision maker and paid the bills (although he always consulted my mom). I have been supporting myself for so long now, I could not imagine asking a husband for "permission" to buy something as my mom thought she had to ask permission from my dad before she bought something. Don't get me wrong, I love my Dad, but "Father Knows Best" could have been filmed at my parents' home.

A few years before my mom passed away, I called her around 5:30. She said, "I can't talk now, your father expects his dinner at 6:00." I asked her if the kitchen was going to vaporize and disappear if dinner was not on the table at 6:00. My generation just takes a different view of marriage and the roles of men and women...

It seems to me your father was doing his job and your mom was doing hers. He went to work, probably on time or he could not have kept his job, worked hard all day long, and returned home on time rather than hit the bars with the boys. She wanted to have his dinner prepared and ready for him on time when he arrived home tired and hungry. They were probably a loving couple sharing the work load as they saw fit. That is how my parents did it, too.

[Golfingnut]

Originally Posted by manaboutown

What is with the male bashing?

I have been a once divorced single for almost twenty years now, a veritable veteran of life in the post divorce trenches. I am quite sociable and know and have met many, many divorced people, both men and women, from their forties into their seventies. I have listened to their stories and observed their behavior. Based on what I have seen, heard and experienced "fault" is about 50-50. Both men and women do stupid things, not that stupid acts are the sole bases for divorce. It is almost always far more complicated than that.

I believe more divorces are initiated by women than by men because relationships are more important to them. Most men are OK with an OK marriage. IMHO most women want more than just OK in a marriage.

I would put it at 95 to 5 with men doing the stupid at 95% of the time. 50/50!!! Are you kidding me?

[Golfingnut]

Originally Posted by manaboutown

It seems to me your father was doing his job and your mom was doing hers. He went to work, probably on time or he could not have kept his job, worked hard all day long, and returned home on time rather than hit the bars with the boys. She wanted to have his dinner prepared and ready for him on time when he arrived home tired and hungry. They were probably a loving couple sharing the work load as they saw fit. That is how my parents did it, too.

As I said before, women won't tolerate the servant mentality of the past. I have a wife that is my equal in all decisions for 44 years. We raised two daughters to see life the same way. Unfortunately, there are still too many males that feel they MUST have the final word on everything.

[vj1213]

Originally Posted by PammyJ

Too easy to get divorced and socially acceptable, almost expected. Commitment and ability to persevere through the hard times are really important.

I have to agree with this post...but I would like to add "viagra" was my first thought!

[manaboutown]

Originally Posted by vj1213

I have to agree with this post...but I would like to add "viagra" was my first thought!

I heard Hugh Hefner was delighted when viagra came out. It appears it keeps him going strong, at least for his age.

[patfla06]

Two things I've found are:
1. If you fight all the time and
2. You bring out the worst in each other
Means you are with the wrong person.

I've been blessed to be married to a wonderful guy
For 31 years.
We are partners in every sense of the word.

Life is too short not to be with someone who you
enjoy being with!

[patfla06]

[quote=manaboutown;705109]I heard Hugh Hefner was delighted when viagra came out. It appears it keeps him going strong, at least for his

Hefner running around with women young enough to be his
GRANDDAUGHTERS is just creepy.

[Schaumburger]

[quote=patfla06;705114]

Originally Posted by manaboutown

I heard Hugh Hefner was delighted when viagra came out. It appears it keeps him going strong, at least for his

Hefner running around with women young enough to be his
GRANDDAUGHTERS is just creepy.

Hugh Hefner is 87; his current wife, Crystal Harris, is 27 - yes, a 60 year age difference, and that is creepy. He loves arm candy; she loves his wallet, so I guess they are "in love".

Actor James Woods, 66, is dating a 20 year old -- only a 46 year age difference. That is another creepy relationship. Just my 2 cents.

[Uptown Girl]

First let me say that anyone who thinks divorce is 'too easy' hasn't been there.
Most often, events of divorce are a long and heartbreaking experience- with tough decisions and long term residual effects.

When two people decide to marry, they have (in the best case scenario) chosen someone that they can focus love upon. They do this because they believe in having that 'other' and focusing that love, they will feel good.
So they start out holding that 'other' in very high regard and the other is a significant priority.
In a successful relationship, the couple hold mutual goals and are in harmony with those goals (or desires) even as those goals evolve.

Sometimes, one or the other has desires that manifest, that are not in harmony with what their designated partner wants. There are two choices if they remain together. One can tolerate the differences ( which usually doesn't work well in the long term) or one can allow the differences, be calm in heart and still see enough mutual desires to make the union harmonious.



If the differences become far greater than the co-creating, there is not much one can do without denying their basic desires. You can not successfully convince another to give up their desires because YOU want it that way.
People divorce, or stay together for many reasons- but it all boils down to what they deem is necessary to their happiness and/or sustenance... and those things are the elixir of life. Whatever THAT representational elixir is, is individual to each one and is subject to evolving.

[manaboutown]

Divorce is a terrible experience and should only be a last resort. It affects not only the couple, but their children, their siblings, parents, friendships, almost everything in their lives. Thank God I have only had to go through it once.

[Uptown Girl]

Divorce is sometimes the appropriate thing to do. Sometimes circumstances are such that divorce must be implemented sooner rather than later. Each situation is individual and no one can give blanket advice to cover every scenario.

Statistics on 'over age 50' divorces do not provide an indicator as to length of marriage; "aged 50 or over couples" may have been married for a long or short time.

As it is, it's probably 50/50 as to how long couples of this age group have been together.

It is curious to me why age needs to be tallied- as if being 'over 50' makes a difference somehow in what people find fulfilling and/or necessary to a relationship.