[brfree1411@aol.com]

For all young people over 3 years old & under 30, snail mail is really old fashion & if in cursive they won't understand it. Have your boyfriend do facetime and introduce you as a "friend" until you get engaged or soon to be married. Christmas & birthday gifts will be the thing that you can do to impress them. Gift cards for anyone over age 10 and cool toys for under 10. I have 5 grand children, 2 mine & 3 his but we are a blended family and love each other.

[Tim C.]

oooo! umbrage!!

well since I'm a man i can only speak for men. The older divorced men I know generally do not want to marry again, but it seems like all the divorced/over 50 women do want to get married again. so from a male perspective, I don't see very many advantages to a man getting married again versus the pitfalls. I understand why so many of the divorced men I know swear they will never ever ever do it again. just speaking on my observations. Seems to be a different POV between the genders. it's not really a financial thing - I know men without assets that don't wish to marry again. but I think the finances complicate things.

And I'm thinking back in the past when things were different. Men pretty much HAD to get married. It hurt your professional career if you weren't a married/family man. You couldn't get access to regular sex as easily without being married. If you wanted kids, you had to get married. You were viewed as some sort of oddball if you didn't. And divorce? HUGE stigma attached to it and again it could hurt your career, your social contacts etc.

these days you can get all the companionship, sex, kids, etc, without the financial entanglements that go with marriage. especially at our older ages, children raising is rarely an issue. and nobody cares if you're divorced

so why marry again? I certainly would not. I just have observed very different attitudes between men and women in the over 50/divorced or widowed group. vastly different. Heck my own financial advisor - after getting pretty much financially raped in two divorces will never do it again. Has had the same GF for 8 years. until a year ago, he said that about every 3 months she would press him to make a commitment and marry her. they had big fights. He told her if she ever brought it up again that they were finished. He didn't even want her to move in. just an example. she hopes, he avoids. I know others like this. I can't thing of one couple where the male is pressing for marriage this hard and the female is avoiding. not one. why is that? I can't say. Marriage is so easy to dispose of that it can't really be called a "commitment" these days. so there must be other reasons - and some of them must be financial. that's all I can say out of my observations.

so you can speak to the female point of view.

[DAVES]

Originally Posted by Boomer

I, too, am happily married. When I met Mr. B, he had a '64 Plymouth Fury (rusty) -- and having just returned from being stationed in Okinawa, his other belongings consisted of 4 huge Pioneer speakers, a Garrard turntable, and a Seiko watch -- along with a lot of scuba gear. I had a Triumph GT6 and a few odds and ends of furniture. (When we got married, we used two of those Pioneer speakers for end tables in our living room.) So that was pretty much it. We had never heard of a prenup and there would have been no need anyway.

But what I am talking about, in general, in this thread, -- even though I jumped the track, sort of, is if someone wants to marry in later life, especially if there are families from previous marriages, it could be well worth looking into a prenup.

A prenup, or lack thereof, could have a positive or negative effect on family dynamics -- like what I referred to in my previous post where I quoted the family friend who thought hers helped the families to be more accepting. (This lady had a few bucks and was nobody's fool. The guy she was getting ready to marry was well set, too.)

I do agree with you that marrying later in life can really mess with finances. At this time, a new marriage can affect pensions and SS, along with accumulated investments and properties.

But -- I must take umbrage with that "(especially men)" thing you said. Guess what. Women have their own money -- money they have made with careers, money they have been good at investing, and women are even allowed to own property now.

And, don't forget that the "Live Close By, Visit Often" philosophy -- as K.T. Oslin sang about -- works just fine for many independent women. Move in? Well, that can work, too. But not a fast move.

The idea of prenups is far more nuanced than it appears on the surface. Sometimes people tend to knee-jerk react at the mention of a prenup, thinking it's cold, not romantic. But I think playing the idea out in discussion, at least, is a good idea. It does not mean the love is not true, but when it comes to mixing up assets, especially in later in life marriages -- "What's love got to do with it?"

Romanticizing and/or ignoring practical considerations before a later in life marriage could come with complications and regrets when the sad day comes when one is gone. For instance, if one of the couple owns the house, do the kids have the right to sell it or can the surviving spouse, or whoever it is, get to live there if they so choose?

I know one guy in TV who has a woman pushing him to get married, but she will not sign a prenup. Now, that's a big red flag.

It works the other way, too. I met a woman who had been cleaned out by a loser who got her after she was widowed and had inherited more money than she ever realized they had. The loser married her, had her set him up in some stupid "business" that, of course, failed, and then he left.

(I will say that I wish more women took an interest in investing and completely understood their family finances, instead of just saying, "Oh my husband takes care of all that." But that is a discussion for another time.)

In many cases, late marriages are between two people who have found each other, fallen in love, and are well matched for spending the rest of life together. BUT that does not mean they should not take care of business first. Sometimes, they just don't think of it or want to bring it up. Actually, a prenup can protect a surviving spouse, along with other heirs.

I am annoyingly, exceedingly, excruciatingly practical. I know. (sigh)

Buzzkill Boomer

PS: On a second look, I realize I probably should not have inserted a segue into this thread. Sometimes, I just like to debate the topic of prenups. But my prenup posts would have been more appropriate elsewhere. The OP seems like a lovely woman and I wish her and her new husband all the best. Please forgive my awkward intrusion into the kind question about looking forward to a new family.

As posted by me earlier. When I got married my net worth was negative numbers. I had a 1964 VW with well over 100,000 on it. Before that like you I had a GT6. That too was a wreck. Everything we have is in joint.

However original post said I think she is 63. Far more time, far more accumulated money, debt bad and good habits.

After my dad passed, my mom moved into an active senior kind of place. We kind of laughed about it. Some guy was hitting on mom then about 80 till he discovered she had little money. I seem to recall a guy posting on talk of the villages wondering how to meet wealthy women.

A prenuptial. Marriage is an ever changing adventure. Money is understood differently by different people. For many it is power. Marriage itself is a contract. I am not a lawyer and it does not effect me but in many states living together for a period of time makes the couple in the eyes of the law, common law married. I assume you can modify, cancel a prenuptial agreement should both parties choose to.

Divorce? Sadly amusing. My cousin and his wife, we like both of them. Went through a divorce-they had nothing. They fought over a bunny rabbit and a yappy dog. I told my cousin he should let her have them both and that would be getting even. My cousin WON? My aunt and uncle were stuck with the rabbit and the dog. The rabbit ate the drapes off as high at it could reach-it was a big rabbit. The dog was so noisy that the neighbors complained. Sometimes you are better off losing as I had advised my cousin.