[airstreamingypsy]

Here's the thing about FB, just because you posted something doesn't mean the post went to all your friends' FB feed. You are assuming he knows about your loss, but he may not.

[dhdallas]

Facebook should be called Vain-Book. People post the most inane things about themselves as if anyone cares how busy the supermarket was, that you were stuck in traffic, a photo of what you had for lunch, really stupid jokes, yet another photo of a grandchild (or dog), your new ___ (insert car, house, whatever), the weather, your personal opinions of whatever, yet another selfie, etc. The vain among us seem to enjoy seeing just how many "Friends" they can accumulate whether or not they ever actually knew them (or cared about them). Then there is that someone from 50 years ago. If a person wasn't important enough to you to keep in touch for years and years, why would you give a crap about them now. Everyone seems to trying to outdo everyone else in the vanity race. I am opting out (right after I post a photo of myself typing these comments).

"People speak well of the man who does not speak too much of himself."
- Epictetus (l.c. 50 - c. 130 CE)
"One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses."
— Dale Carnegie, 1888-1955, author/lecturer

[Watchdr@yahoo.com]

I understand both sides and the ultimate decision is yours and only yours. But, you never know what a kind word can do for someone’s spirits. Think about a smile from a total stranger and how it makes you smile. Your attitude is contagious and you may just be or have the words that this girl needs to hear. It’s only a few minutes of your time for a person who is battling something we cannot understand. Again, this decision is only yours but think about it.

[Curtisbwp]

I stay in contact with several of my childhood friends. I find it very satisfying

[ProfessorDave]

Responding: A Life Choice. Giver or Taker.

“I watched them tearing a building down,
A gang of men in a busy town.
With a ho-heave-ho and a lusty yell,
They swung a beam, and the side wall fell.
I asked the foreman: "Are these skilled--
And the men you'd hire if you had to build?"
He gave me a laugh and said: "No, indeed!
Just common labor is all I need.
I can wreck in a day or two
What builders have taken a year to do."
And I thought to myself as I went my way,
Which of these roles have I tried to play?
Am I a builder who works with care
Measuring life by a rule and square?
Am I shaping my deeds to a well made Plan,
Patiently doing the best I can?
Or am I a wrecker, who walks the town
Content with the labor of tearing down?”

[TOMCAT]

Originally Posted by airstreamingypsy

Here's the thing about FB, just because you posted something doesn't mean the post went to all your friends' FB feed. You are assuming he knows about your loss, but he may not.

He did know as he expressed his condolences in the comments of it.

[TOMCAT]

Originally Posted by Jeffery M

If you feel that you want to contact his sister then go ahead. She wasn't the one being tactless. That is her brother. As far as he goes, just disregard him. If he wants to be considerate and contact you then fine. Tell him how you felt about his lack of sympathy. If he continues being inconsiderate toward you then he is being self-centered, and the best thing to do is recognize that he is the type of person you don't need in your life. Stay away from a narcissistic person like that.

Yes, that was what I felt. He is narcissistic.

[TOMCAT]

Originally Posted by Jeanette.U

My family is also spread across the country. We have a private family Facebook group where only the members can see what is posted.

Yes, I made a family group page where my family sees it. I am very careful who my friends are. I do not let anyone be my friend, only people I know. Still some want to get closer. Like was said earlier, Facebook is entertainment and not to create relationships that some may not want to go any further. I ignored him. If in time, I decide to talk to his sister, I will. I have no desire right now. I certainly do not want to get involved with other people’s problems. If she was a close friend who I talk with all the time, that would be different.

Thank you all for your kind suggestions. It was most appreciated.

[joelfmi]

Kristina Lerman, a principal scientist at the USC Viterbi School of Engineering Information Sciences Institute (ISI), and her team have found that for most social media users, their feeds expose them to a biased representation of reality.

Recently published in the scientific journal “Nature Communications,” their research paper “Friendship Paradox Biases Perceptions in Directed Networks” highlights how the structure of modern social networks leads to perception bias, or the fact that a person’s connections often skew their perception of how prevalent a trait or belief is in society.

Lerman’s paper shows that when popular people engage in an activity or possess a certain trait, perception bias causes others to perceive this trait or behavior as much more prevalent than it actually is.

“An individual’s perception of a trait is shaped by its local prevalence among his or her friends,” the paper said. “Any trait that is correlated with popularity is likely to be misperceived.”

Lerman and her team didn’t make this discovery by accident. Their new paper builds upon Lerman’s previous research into the structure of social networks. Her past work, which focused on proving certain structural qualities of these networks, laid the foundation for this new study of perception bias.

Perception bias can apply to something as trivial as having red hair or as significant as opinions on vaccination.

[DAVES]

Originally Posted by TOMCAT

I want a little feedback on this problem, if anyone would like to comment. Facebook is a way to connect to your old acquaintances. I do not wish to call anyone that I have not seen for twenty years.

There is this guy I have not seen in twenty years nor his sister. That time when I saw them was at a funeral for a mutual friend. To make a long story short, this past year my niece passed away and four months later her father, my brother, passed away also. This guy who is one of my Facebook friends is aware of this because I posted it on Facebook. This guy private messaged me to call his sister because she has health issues. I have not seen or talk to his sister in over twenty years. What would you do? I find it strange and inconsiderate for him to do this as he is aware of my loss.

My definition of a friend. A friend is someone who can tell you something and you know there is no harm meant.

"What would you do?" is not the proper question. Choice, is self responsibility. We will not need to live with the result of the choice.

[Velvet]

Originally Posted by TOMCAT

Yes, I did try that at first. I told him politely that I went through a lot with my brother and niece and the sicknesses that they had. He did not seem to get it. He message me back with their phone numbers. I then message him again and told him I am not ready for anymore grief right now and put him on ignore on messenger. There is more to it. I heard through a mutual friend that his sister got involved in drugs. I do not need that stress. Plus, I would feel funny calling someone after so many years. He also told me not to tell her that he told me to call her and not to mention her health issues, which I do not know what they are. Just too suspicious to me. After all, I do not know them that well anymore.

It sounds creepy to me.

I had a high school classmate email me (I am not on FB). He said he wanted to connect with people he remembered as he had some kind of illness now. For all those years while he was well he had no communication with me and now he wants to? He found out where I lived and wanted to meet me - alone and not with my husband, at a park. I wrote back, “Sorry, no.” But he kept writing. I never wrote again, he kept saying one of our classmates would come too, a person who became a famous movie star, but returned later to my city up north. I just ignored his emails. He kept it up for 3 years before he gave up. I still get a small shiver when I think about it.

[TOMCAT]

How awful for you. I know what you mean. I am being sought out because of problems. I was never sought out when there was happiness. I feel like I am being drawn into a situation that I do not want to enter.

[craigrmorrison]

Originally Posted by TOMCAT

I want a little feedback on this problem, if anyone would like to comment. Facebook is a way to connect to your old acquaintances. I do not wish to call anyone that I have not seen for twenty years.

There is this guy I have not seen in twenty years nor his sister. That time when I saw them was at a funeral for a mutual friend. To make a long story short, this past year my niece passed away and four months later her father, my brother, passed away also. This guy who is one of my Facebook friends is aware of this because I posted it on Facebook. This guy private messaged me to call his sister because she has health issues. I have not seen or talk to his sister in over twenty years. What would you do? I find it strange and inconsiderate for him to do this as he is aware of my loss.

This is a delicate situation. You are grieving yet your friend sees you as a source of hope in his/his sister’s time of need.

What type of relationship did you have with them. If you could turn back the clock and the same request was made, would you oblige?

If so, there is nothing wrong with replying with a deferral or I’ll consider in the future.

If not, then kindly reply with a no thank you based on AI attachment.

I’m only 62 and within the past year have embraced the reunion of many relationships that went stale over the past 20-25 years.

This is ultimately your decision. I encourage you to not only reach out to those of us on this forum.

What is your Heavenly Father telling you?