[jpflier]

I too agree that asking the host if you can bring someone puts the host in a precarious situation. They may not want to have additional guests for whatever reasons they may have. Perhaps they simply can't afford more people than those they had already invited; or perhaps it's a matter of available comfortable space for the expected number.

I once had a party and invited lots of guests, and a neighbor handled this same situation quite well. He brought over a gift a couple of days early that he was planning to give us at the party, and stated that he couldn't make it. When asked why he told me that he was having several friends and family staying with them for a few days. I told him that they were all more than welcome to join us, which they did, and they were wonderful and we had a great time. I was never put on the spot of having to tell him ok just to keep peace in the neighborhood.

[casita37]

There are two types of hosts.
1. I Couldn't care less who you bring.....the more the merrier.
2. I have planned and arranged and have everything perfectly set for MY guests.

Unless you know for a fact that your host is the first type, best to ask, or better yet....simply decline the invitation, with an explanation that you have a commitment to other people, and let the host invite them...or not.

My husband is a real softy when it comes to hurting feelings. Heck....he goes to a barber who does a terrible job because he doesn't want to hurt his feelings. He is always whispering to me....should we invite X and Y to Z's party? NO NO NO...It's not your place to do so.

[shcisamax]

Originally Posted by brightspot01

Nevertheless, if we have been invited to someone else's home and have out of town company or other company at the time, I have always denied the invitation telling the hostess/host why. There has never been a time that I've not been told to bring my guests with me!

And THAT is the correct way to handle it. You have been offered an invitation and rather than put the hostess (who has a plan in mind) in a potentially awkward situation, you appropriately declined with an open ended reason giving the hostess the option to include or not the additional people where it does not make it uncomfortable.
Manners really ARE about just being considerate and thoughtful.

[graciegirl]

Originally Posted by angiefox10

I'm sure any hostess would handle the situation mentioned by the OP with grace. However, that being said, it is rude to invite another person to a party of any kind if they were not invited. I didn't get from the original post this was about what a good hostess should do. I believe they were talking about what a good guest should do.

As the OP mentioned in their post there may be reasons for not inviting that person or more people. We have neighbors that just do not get along and to invite those couples to the same party would be very uncomfortable for them.

Or.... what if the hostess knows the person you are bringing and doesn't get along with them?

We also have hostesses who provide all the food, and wouldn't have enough food if more people were invited.

There was a party in our hood, that about 25 were invited and close to 50 showed up. Of course a hostess would handle it with grace. It turned out it was one person who invited all the extra guests and made it a free for all.

I don't know of any other place that this happens outside of The Villages. Did we leave our manners up north when we came here?

For those who suggested the hostess doesn't mind... Was she being a good hostess? Or does she really mind. See, you don't really know.... do you?

Good manners should tell you that you don't bring your guest to another person's party if they weren't invited.

We have done a lot of entertaining over time and I have had a lot of whoopsies. I think that not knowing how much to prepare is the cause of a lot of hostess anxiety. I usually choose to serve buffet style, even formal seated dinners with a certain exact amount expected. But I don't do that often. I usually make a couple of big cassaroles and ask guests to bring something to go with. That way they can take the leftovers home and it won't be wasted and there is always more than enough. I have places set at card tables and even in different rooms inside and out, so that if someone is not comfortable with someone else they can separate themselves and have a good time.

I think that fear of entertaining is wide spread but I was, like, Brightspot, shown how to do it by my family. Inviting people into your home and having them feel comfortable and enjoy food together is one of the greatest pleasures of life. There will always be a screw up or two, a faux pas or three, maybe some overdrinking, and some spilling. There will always be someone who doesn't know how to behave anywhere and that person is usually married to the sweetest and nicest person you could find.

The Villages presents new challenges with block parties and parties at rec centers and huge amounts of people crammed into small hot spaces.

We learn as we go along. I hope that all of you get invited to some nice holiday get togethers and have a couple at your home.

.

[kittygilchrist]

Originally Posted by graciegirl

You,Kitty, are an excellent hostess. I have attended parties where the guest of honor did not show up and the hostess maintained her composure and all went like clockwork.

You never know what will happen next in a retirement community.

Hang on Sloopy.

ooh! thank you GG! I hosted again today...venturing into the Vegan world and discovering how my food processor works. Mercy, who knew you could slay a cucumber in 2 seconds?
Re the topic, I had invited a gentleman to come who was coaching me in vegetarian foods, and he presented objections to staying for lunch with my company coming for lunch from Gainesville. It was a charming defense against staying for the party when you were being used as a food coach.
OK, so this guy is Grace in a manskin.
Short story: we all had a chowdown great veggie lunch and the hostess, moi, couldn't stop saying that the food was simply delicious. Try tossing together dark chocolate, coconut and dark cherries sometime.