[KRMACK55]

Originally Posted by GrumpyOldMan

I believe this is called The Villages and not Stepford.

My point is everyone is different. I expect MOST people that. come here come for the social opportunities, not us.

My wife and I are hermits. We don't do social well if at all. So, we don't have many/any real friends here.

We moved here for several reasons, amenities, the rapid response of EMTs, security, etc. Previously we lived about 15 miles outside of a small town on 11 acres. Our closest neighbor was 1/2 mile away. We had a pond and heavily wooded acreage for our dogs.

We gave up a lot to move here. But, we gained a lot that we feel is important at this point in our lives.

We are just on polite speaking terms with our immediate neighbors, and that is fine for us.

Sadly it is more Stepford than people admit. My experience with healthcare and dental was a nightmare. The choices for shopping eating close by activities are not even close to what is advertised. It’s not worth the extra cost and the too hot temps here. It can become sedentary for those with allergies and prone to bug bites. I’m ready to join civilization again away from here and I’m not the only person who feels this way. I shouldn’t get attacked or finger pointed at either for feeling this way. In many ways compassion and empathy are lacking here.

[KsJayhawkers]

We moved into Chitty Chatty. Although I dont have any other Village to compare to, I can honestly say we made an outstanding choice. We are a small subdivision of approximately 100+ homes but we have a very social neighborhood. Our social committee is very active and inclusion is an important part from pickleball, golf, swimming, walking the dogs, to game playing. It has been very easy for us to make friends in our neighborhood, and although we have only lived in Chitty Chatty for a short five months, we are very eager to return to see our friends again!!!

[Villages Kahuna]

Different results depending on…

—New house in new neighborhood, with lots of other newbies (it’s like being a freshman in college!).

—Buying a pre-owned house in an established neighborhood (new friends and relationships are mostly up to you).

—Full-time or seasonal. As you might guess, the full-timers have more in common and have closer relationships.

—Will you be a club-joiner? You’ll find many clubs which will interest you. Join several. Try out more. Some of my best friends come from club memberships.

—Church almost always provides for friendships with like-minded people.

Regardless of your situation, making new satisfying friendships will be largely up to you,

[jimjamuser]

Originally Posted by spd2918

If you don't make friends where you currently live, then you won't make them here. You are you no matter where you go.

That being said, there are lots of activities in which to make friends here. An introvert could challenge themselves to make friends.

I have been in TV Land for about 11 years. I made MANY acquaintances over that time. Some I liked and enjoyed and some that I could BARELY tolerate. I would call them "situational" acquaintances because I would mostly socialize with them at a particular activity or maybe an activity and also running into them at a swimming pool. But, these were never "FRIENDS" that often invited me to their homes or I invited to mine. One acquaintance moved to TN and another to Mi. and we still keep in touch by email. Of the last 3 ACTUAL friends that I have had - one died 20 years ago - I stopped talking to one 15 years ago - and one I stopped talking to about 5 years ago.

I adopted a policy long ago. When I was 20 years old, I had a 3rd strike and you are out policy - when someone screwed me over for a 3rd time, I stopped socializing with them. Then, from age 20 to 50, I had a 2-and-done policy - after 2 screw-overs, I stopped talking to them. Then, from 50 on I have a one-and-done policy. So, very few get to be friends, and then most do not last long.

Actually, from my activities in TV Land, I have met at least 100 people. Probably 20 or so were so hostile to me and generally obnoxious that if I had not succeeded at avoiding them, they would probably be counted as "enemies". About 30 of them, I would classify as truly 1st rate people - strong in intelligence and personality characteristics. The majority other 50% was potentially interesting, but having some personality flaws that turned me off.

The recent US-wide problems of pandemics, movement rightward toward authoritarianism, and state leadership has further exasperated social alligances and caused, for myself, further alienation.

[La lamy]

I feel TV has been the easiest place to make friends. I play pickleball so it's automatically easy to get to know people there, and even though I'm in an 'established' neighbourhood, I've had no trouble getting to know people and making great friends.

[DaleDivine]

I'm getting ready to go play golf with 2 of my neighbors that are like kin.
We got an invitation yesterday to go to Palmer country club with 2 other couples. One couple were the ones that got us to TV. We've made more friends in the 7 years in our villas than we did in 30 years on our cul de sac in Virginia. My wife is legally blind with Macular Degeneration so we don't socialize as much as we did 5 or 6 years ago. I play a lot of golf (over 1100 rounds last year) and have made many friends from golfing.
Active now in 4 golf groups.

[Quickdraw]

Making and keeping friends very likely has a as much or more to do with you, and your personality that that of the people you meet. There is an old story about a man who moved into a new home, and he asked one of his new neighbors, "How are the people in this town, are they friendly and easy to get along with, or are they grouchy and a real pain to be around?" The answer he got was, "How were the people in the town you came from, as I believe that you will find the people here just like those where you used to live." Further, all people have holes of defects in their personalities, warts - if you will. You now live in a community were people are, generally speaking, far too old to make major changes in who they are, so, if you want to be friends with someone, you must overlook their warts, and the must overlook yours.

[PugMom]

Originally Posted by AbbyPye

Some time ago, I placed a post within this portal that spoke about the notion of creating new friends once someone has moved in to The Villages.

I am in the process of moving to a smaller home within the Villages domain. However, I tend to make note about the aspects of making friends with other residents here in TV since most (if not all) people that live here, be it full or even part time, come from somewhere else in North America. I don’t know if anyone lives here who are natives to anyplace within a one hundred mile radius. But for this post’s sake, let’s state that those that live here come from somewhere else.

My question is, how many of you from the time you have settled here made some friends that you speak with, get involved with activities, or are just “chummy” with one another. I don’t mean people you see on occasion only to engage in small talk or just say a few things just to be polite. I mean somebody who you could feel comfortable inviting them for a simple meal, or to engage in some form of sporting event, or even have a frank discussion on a specific topic.

And is there anyone out there who has limited to even no friends that live within TV? Your only contact is with family members, or with others that do not necessarily live in TV. In other words, you just exist here, perhaps take part in some public event, maybe use some of the amenities that are available, and so on.

I just ask these questions because I know that the sales and marketing department here in TV push the “lifestyle” one can be part of. And what I mean by “lifestyle” refers to being involved in clubs, groups, and so on. I always referred to somebody living “the lifestyle”, which means that one engages with what is affectionately known as “swinging” a.k.a. “wife swapping”. However, I wouldn't be too surprised if such an activity such as "lifestyle living" exists within these parts, but I will not go any further on that topic.

Again, I just want to know what I may be getting into before I make a full commitment to relocating here. My old neighborhood where I come from held more diversity in terms of people’s stages in life. And because of this, making friends was rather difficult, if not totally impossible! People just had to take care of other things that held a larger priority to them (Work, school, family, etc.), and sometimes taking a bit of time off for just a quick cup of coffee wasn’t worth their effort. And so it goes....

Many thanks for your what I hope will be your honest input to my inquiry.

-Abby

how did you make friends where you live now? same thing, imo.

[ThirdOfFive]

Originally Posted by KRMACK55

Sadly it is more Stepford than people admit. My experience with healthcare and dental was a nightmare. The choices for shopping eating close by activities are not even close to what is advertised. It’s not worth the extra cost and the too hot temps here. It can become sedentary for those with allergies and prone to bug bites. I’m ready to join civilization again away from here and I’m not the only person who feels this way. I shouldn’t get attacked or finger pointed at either for feeling this way. In many ways compassion and empathy are lacking here.

This place is a "village" of 130,000 folks. That means that there are probably 130,001 different ways that people see this place.

For me, moving here was a godsend. No problem with medical services: I found a really good dentist (Dr. Ha) and I do my doctoring at Mayo so other than the drive to Jacksonville that's not a problem. But the real benefit has been to my health. I can honestly say that I haven't felt this good for at least ten years, and that's no exaggeration. I was able to shed 30 lbs. this winter by a combination of sensible eating and walking six miles a day; walking that far during a Minnesota winter, which is where I hail from, is pretty much an impossibility but ultra-doable here. I've been diagnosed with coronary artery disease since 2008 when I had two stents put in. A stress test last year showed two of 17 sectors again blocking. Two months ago I went to Mayo in Rochester for a follow up--and the test came back fine. No indication of any blocking. Arthritis, which was a bear every winter for at least the last ten, is next to nil here.

Social opportunities--everything we could ever want or need in easy golf-cart range--clubs for every interest imaginable--and great health. What's not to like?

[jimjamuser]

Originally Posted by KRMACK55

I also purchased a home here after unscrupulous marketing. That’s all it was. My neighbors are all married couples and I’m single. Ive not made one friend here other than another person from my home state. She moved and now I’m moving too ! The friendliest home town I’ve never experienced. It was a costly mistake. I regret it everyday and am grateful I sold and am leaving in a few weeks.

That IS a very interesting post - and even more negative than mine. I find it easy to make acquaintances and some are VERY interesting. I am surprised that you did not even get that from TV Land. There are plenty of single people around - even singles clubs. But your experience proves one thing........it is a good idea to RENT in an area before you BUY there.

[jimjamuser]

Originally Posted by KRMACK55

That’s simply not true. I loved my old neighborhood and moved here after life changing circumstances. My neighbors here are very clannish and gossip in the middle of the cul de sac which is sophomoric and I want no part of. Very few people wave and the nicest folks are the ones with dogs. When I began my search to leave here I discovered it’s just that this place is all the same - retired much older - I needed a mix of society where people don’t feel or act entitled. I met folks north of Florida that were friendly nice and of every age. I’m going to rejoin the general population. That includes leaving here.

Well, good luck! I suggest you rent for a while there to get a TRUE feel for the place.

[jimjamuser]

Originally Posted by krash

We got involved in a group of 8 couples, and there was a lot of cattiness amongst the women. Sometimes 4 or 5 of the ladies would get together and talk dirty about the others that were not invited. The men seemed to get along better, but they too had some awkward moments... most likely testosterone related. We whittled it down to just one couple, who we shared the same type of humor with, but going out to dinner or drinks was ALWAYS embarrassing as the wife would complain about something, or had to "change" the recipe of the food on the menu - can you add this... can you substitute that... and, of course, when made to her specifications, she didn't like it. So we opted to dining at each other's house every month... until the 2020 election, and our political ideas did not coincide... and that ended that.

A nice, honest, and raw post. I used to be COMPLETELY tolerant of my acquaintance's political leanings. I felt that political parties were outmoded and a product leftover from a prior century. I felt that electronic voting on ISSUES would be done in the future and help people feel that they had a real stake in a UNITED country. About 2017 I began to feel that groups that I regularly participated in events with were becoming more and more heated as they discussed politics, current events, and news. Moderation and goodwill were gone - I had to pick a side. By 2018 I stopped making any comments, in person-to-person communication about any serious news subjects. By 2020 the big US public health problem had layered more controversy upon other big leadership problems - making almost all conversations among acquaintances practically impossible. Families members were fighting family members. Religious leaders were fighting other religious leaders. TV channels were dueling about who were the more patriotic Americans, and so on. My acquaintances and activities dropped by about 75%. Casual conversations decreased and friends were out of the question. Who knows where this will end up in the future!

[Pat2015]

Originally Posted by Queenie504

It has absolutely nothing to do with your neighborhood. It is up to YOU to make friends and relationships no matter where you live and how old you may be. I've met some wonderful friends here and some duds, but YOU have to make the effort.

I think you can make friends in any neighborhood, but it’s more difficult to do that in an older more established neighborhood vs a new one where everyone is new and looking to meet people and form groups. Also, you don’t have to be friends with neighbors as there’s many clubs and activities out there where you can meet lots of people from different neighborhoods and villages. It’s definitely easy to make friends here.

[stadry]

been here about 1 yr which has been spent mostly in hospital & various icu's years, didn't know a soul here. Thankfully mybride is instantly likeable or i'd be sunk,, 1 neighbor's a recluse (ex jarhead & so's his wife- every'hood'sdifferentGood luck!

Bought a CYV in Bonita several months ago. Everyone in our Village has been friendly and supportive, despite the absence of most seasonal residents . Looking forward to coming full time. As all the comments reflect, you have to be receptive to the The Village's lifestyle and stratified age demographics. No secret there!